DoucheArt

So, I  know what this message is referring to. I'm not exactly sure what it means as a standalone first message unless it's just a ploy to get me to respond....but why? Why would I respond to that? Either way, I think at this point, it's officially safe to say that dating sites are completely fucking broken. Anyone want to venture a guess at what this message is all about? I'm done.

--j

I can understand after having known someone a while with the anticipation building up that some "flirty" pics may be exchanged or even with someone you're into that you haven't seen in some time just to keep things spicy, but to message someone and immediately request that nude photos be swapped is a little bit much.

Jay,

I can promise you that you have nothing under your shirt or in your pants that I haven't seen before in real and in photos many, many, many, many times before. I don't care about seeing it again from someone I have zero attraction to based on a sad ass, no effort dickhole of a message. And no, it certainly wouldn't be funny to find my photos plastered on some bullshit amateur site when you got bored with looking at them and decided to pass along the booty (pun intended). So... go take about 20 more photos of your cock. I'm sure they'll come in handy one day.

love,

j

I am a human being. I love to be treated with respect like a human being and not like a place to deposit your semen. I love lots of conversation and enjoyment of a person's company before they poke me with their dipstick or their toys. I also love when people realize that initial communication should come with a few fucking boundaries and that people shouldn't just let whatever the hell enters their tiny little brains spill out onto the keyboard. Not interested.

--j, 33, PoF

So I've already had a run-in with this guy. You can check out that situation here. It wasn't pretty and he told me I have quite an attitude problem which is obviously why I'm single. Obviously, he's a lying sack of shit all-around and that's why HE'S single...

-j

I. Have. No. Fucking. Clue.

What is this message trying to say? I feel like this is a bad Google translation of a perverted comment about oral perhaps without sex or without me being his sister. I'm not sure. All I know is that this is not the way to get anyone's attention.

Any guesses what this might mean??

-j

This wasn't the first message I received from this guy. He started out by asking how a man is supposed to entertain a lady without knowing what entertains that lady. I responded. I have no idea why, but I did. And I regretted it almost immediately. I told him I give out plenty of information in my profile about myself, my goals, and all sorts of things that I find entertaining that would lead to some sort of real conversation. His response was that he wanted to know "better" things that are "closer" and "not for general purpose."

Red flag, right?

I told him to please stop skirting the issue and say what he meant instead of the cryptic generalities. He sent the above message. I didn't respond. It was 1 a.m. and I had sent my message about not tiptoeing around what he really meant just before I got in bed for the night. Less than 10 minutes later he sent another message (that I didn't get until the next day) demanding to know why I couldn't give him an answer.

So, let me get this straight, dude. You want to know private information about me despite the fact that my profile is leaps and bounds more detailed than yours. You want to know what entertains me when I'm naked and alone in bed (what a fucking assumption). And you want to know it right fucking now.

Great. Another entitled dickhead expecting to get something for nothing. And ASAP.

I wasn't in the best of moods the next day when I saw his demand for a response, so I asked him just what the fuck being alone and naked had to do with entertaining me and also stated that I have a child. In my home. Why would he assume that I sleep in the nude? I mean, if he gets sick at night, do I really want to have him come in my room at night for me to take his temperature while I'm nude? No. No, I don't. Perhaps that's just me, but I don't relish the idea.

Why is it that someone I've never spoken to wants to know what I do to entertain myself when I'm "naked and alone" or when "no one is looking?" What does that have to do with what another person can do to keep me entertained? It's fucking creepy to ask someone that...someone you've never spoken to before in your life. You really honestly can't start out with a fucking comment on any of the shit I took the time to put in my profile? It has to be something I do when I'm naked? Fuckstick. He kept on with the conversation saying "..if I knew what was close to you then I would have something to entertain you with."

WHY WOULD I GET CLOSE TO SOMEONE WHO CAN'T EVEN SAY A FUCKING HELLO BEFORE ASKING WHAT I DO WHEN I'M NUDE??????????????????????

I explained that it wasn't kosher to ask a woman what she does when she's naked before so much a introducing yourself. His response was to call me bittter, batshit crazy, angry, without a sense of humor, and said it was pretty obvious why I'm single.

Yeah...I know why, too. Because of dudes like you... Dudes who think it's okay to be absolute creepazoids and when you're called out on it, you resort to calling a woman crazy. Dudes who use the terms "bitter," "angry," and "crazy" to describe EVERY single woman who doesn't agree with them. Dudes who go back after a woman gets offended and says "hey, babe, it was a joke. get a sense of humor."

It is so fucking tiresome hearing that same bullshit.

That's exactly why I'm single.

uh...

no, thanks.

But, seriously, I don't think this is implying anything about late night drives on dirt roads. So, can he really think that suggesting that some guy from the sticks can fuck better or differently than anyone else? Because I can tell you right now with 100% confidence, that ain't true.

I've had "country" for most of my life being that I live in a town of 297 people and the surrounding area is still under 20,000. It's all farmland, dirt roads, and rural quietness. And, it all feels the same, dude. The only thing you can guarantee is that it's going to be a lot better if I actually respect the person I'm sleeping with and with an opening line like that, well, chances are slim on that one...

--jenniy

Troy sent me a message at approximately 10:30 last night. He let me know that he thinks I am sexy and would like to get to know me. An hour or so later, without me having checked or read the message, he messaged me again with "guess ur abot dat cashflow."

Well excuse the fuck out of me for having a life outside checking Plenty of Fish, Troy. Excuse me for being in the last two weeks of class and having 2 essays and a 10 page paper to write. Excuse me for having letters to write, blogs to post, a child to care for, animals to care for including an injured one, a house to clean, and chores that need to be done. Excuse me for not giving a shit that some methhead in the middle of bumfuck nowhere messaged me while I was in the midst of a state of mental stress after having seen my rapist ON FACEBOOK.

I know you may be thinking that there's no way that good ol' Troy could possibly have known those personal details about me. I concede he couldn't have possibly known the latter. But, my profile does detail the fact that I am extremely busy. I list that I have classes, a kid, animals, 2 acres of land, letters, blogs, and am working on my novel. I make it clear that I stay incredibly busy. But, Troy likely didn't read that.

Or maybe he did.

Either way, Troy expected me to drop everything in my life to return his message because I should have, I suppose, been grateful that he bothered to send me one. And that, unfortunately, is a common theme on these sites. It may not be the overtly sexual messages that we typically post, but it certainly qualifies Troy as a douche especially since he didn't bother asking if I was too busy at the moment to talk, he made an assumption that characterized me as something that places the blame on me and makes me some sort of superficial asshat.

If you don't owe me respect, I do not, in any way, owe you a fucking response. In fact, I don't owe anyone besides my self and my child anything at all. --j

Not really...she can't really be a lady if she's asking a dude to get her pregnant in a first message. Oh how long I've waited for us to get a submission of a message from a woman to a man but I didn't expect this level of creepiness. Part of me has to wonder if this is a prank considering the Waffle House comment. There's no part of my being that can take a love of Waffle House that seriously nor understand it on any sort of serious plane.

Offering a woman jizz in a first message is ridiculous. It truly is. And I've had messages proclaiming love for me because I have awesome tits (that you can't even see in my photos), but to "my womb is ready for your babies to grow" in all caps is just a new level of horror.

Damn, girl... You need to hit the snooze button on that biological clock or you're never going to find anyone that will have babies with you. There's a time and place for baby talk but the first message is neither the time nor place.

This is so many bad stereotypes rolled into one that it actually makes me nauseated. --jenniy

On the surface, this message may not look particularly awful and you may be wondering just why exactly it made for good DoucheArt this evening given the countless other graphic, douchey messages we get or see posted on Instagram. But this message provided me with two things to address.

First, it is, in fact, douchey to call someone baby, babe, sweetheart, hun, honey, boo, bae or any other variation of a stupidly intimate pet name in your initial message. You're already showing, by doing so, that you're feeling entitled to a level of intimacy with a person that you haven't been invited to partake in. I'm not your baby. I don't even fucking know you, and now, you've ensured that I will never want to because you're already violating unnecessary boundaries.

Two, before I replied, I looked at his profile. His interests are listed as sports and sex. His status is "living with someone." He doesn't have a profile picture. Usually, in my experience, that's a red flag that either someone has issues or they have something to hide. *Not ALL the time but usually.* So, when I did respond, I said exactly that--most of the time when someone doesn't have a pic already on here, they have something to hide. His response: ur right I do!!

When I responded again to tell him that he should be spending time with his significant other instead of harassing women online and that it is disgusting to me that someone in a committed relationship feels the need to expose the person who trusts them most to any number of diseases through online hookup/sexual misadventures, he then told me that his significant other is dead and that I'm a "biotch." He continued to call me a biotch after I asked why his status is living with someone and why he admitted he had something to hide if his significant other is, in fact, dead. I have now been blocked.

Don't be that guy that surfs the Internet to hook up with strange women you meet for one-night stands. If you make a commitment, then fucking stick to it or get the fuck out of it. And, for fuck's sake, if you aren't getting your needs satisfied, talk to your partner instead of trying to drag some random Internet hookup into your drama. If you can't handle a commitment, then do like I do and don't fucking make one. --jenniy

Anything except have an intelligent, thoughtful, and respectful conversation, right? It seems like you're probably incapable of letting me do that with you given these are the first words you've ever said to me, and they're saturated with sexual innuendo so strong it made me gag. Thanks. Thanks for letting me know that I can use you as my human sex toy, but I'd probably get better mental stimulation out of my fucking vibrator. --jenniy

All I can say is I'm glad I'm not on that site legitimately looking for the love of my life because I'd be gravely disappointed. But, if I ever need a so-called punching bag to relieve some of my frustration, I may just have to give this a shot. --jenniy

Yes, this guy had Cuckold in his username, so the offer was actually supposed to be legitimate, I guess. If you don't know, a cuckold is a submissive husband/partner/lover whose mate takes on other lovers letting the husband/partner/lover live vicariously through her sexual experiences.

So...first, I have a problem with the term "bitch" in this instance. To submit, apparently, to this guy means being equated with a term historically reserved for females. Already, that's a total turnoff. His submissiveness is equated with traditionally-defined female subservience in his mind.

But, take that out of the equation, and what you have is a guy (10 years younger than me, I might add) who thinks it is perfectly fine to ask a woman in a first message if she will be his partner while continuing to have sex with multitudes of men for his pleasure.

THIS ISN'T A FETISH SITE. But there are sites just for that. Perhaps at his young age he is too ignorant or naive to know that, so I could really let it pass if only he made some sort of get-to-know you talk first then moved towards asking if I even knew what all this was about. It's so fucking strange and creepy to ask someone this kind of thing in the very first message that you send. What the fuck happened to getting to know people before you start envisioning yourself listening to stories about them having raunchy sex with other people?

I'm all for people being able to express themselves and be true to who they are, but does that really have to come at the expense of common fucking decency?

-jenniy

I don't even know where to start.  Like... I'm literally speechless.  I guess I should start by telling you that the first message was sent to me at 12:54 and the second was sent at 6:42 IN THE MORNING.  I guess I should start by sharing a little knowledge I've learned since beginning this adventure with Jenniy...

Seriously.  It's become apparent to me that the worst messages I've gotten have come after midnight.  And by worst I mean most explicit as well as offensive to those of us who actually write and speak English.  What the hell does this guy have against punctuation?  I've read this message more times than I care to admit, and part of it is because I read it once, then read it again to decipher it into sentences.

I don't know why he feels it is ok to ask me why I'm really single.  Does anyone know why they're really single?  Is that a legitimate question I am supposed to know the answer to?  How should I answer that... with a string of complaints about my ex and why we broke up?  Should I just pour out my insecurities as to why I think someone wouldn't be interested in me?  I just have no idea exactly how someone is supposed to respond to that.

Then, when I don't respond to him (you know, because I'm sleeping) I get this message "So let me guess your picky rite".  Is that a statement or a question, Kerri?  But here's what I REALLY want to know... what are you really trying to say?

I didn't answer because I was sleeping... like normal people who don't work third shift usually do at 1 a.m.  What does that have to do with me being picky?  Kerri's response, when he didn't get an immediate reply from me, only tells me that he has some issues with perceived rejection (super scary and unhealthy) and that he doesn't have what it takes to impress or be with a woman who is "picky" because a man who does doesn't need to resort to such pathetic tactics to get a woman to respond.  While I'm sure it was intended as some kind of implication that I shouldn't be picky, it mostly just comes off as being a very bold statement that says having a type, having standards, and preferences is a personal insult to him and more than likely because he already knows he can't meet the bar.

Is this supposed to be some sort of insult? It seems like it. I can only assume that this message is a result of

A) my glasses
B) the fact that I mention knowing how to read and enjoy books
C) I write. For fun. And talk about it. Emphatically.
D) My profile doesn't have any $10 words (for a reason), but everything is spelled and punctuated correctly. That means no abbreviated text/Twitter speak.

I might expect this sort of question from 18-22 year olds, but a 44 year old man thinks I'm a nerd because I read, write, and know how to spell?!?

This. This is a big part of what's wrong with our society right  now. When did being vapid become so chic? Not to mention the fact that being a fucking bully and *attempting* to insult someone in a first message is probably douchier than offering to show them your dick.

My response: You say that like it's a bad thing.

--jenniy

Assumptions were made with this message. I have tattoos which show in my photos on my profile. Those tattoos have gotten me called a "bad girl," "exotic," "sensual," and even a "freak." People have these ideas, stereotypes if you will, built in their own minds about what kind of person has as many tattoos as I do (and counting). Exotic? I'm from South Georgia. My skin looks like milk, and when I'm in the sun, my freckles connect. How the fuck is that exotic? The rest are simply assumptions based on what kind of person has tattoos according to the messenger.

The same is true with this message. I have no visible piercings in my photos, and truth be told the only thing I have pierced is my ears. The assumption though is that since I have tattoos, I must also have piercings, and now he's curious about just what exactly I might have pierced.

It's not exactly an innocent first thought to have about someone. But, it wasn't just a thought. This guy decided to take it to the next level and go ahead and ask me. He may as well have just asked me what my vagina looks like, if I shave or trim or bleach my asshole, and if the carpet matches the drapes. Because what he really wants to know when it comes down to it is what I look like in my most intimate of areas so he can picture that during whatever fantasy he comes up with as he sits at his keyboard typing one handed.

If knowing what type of tampons I prefer is too intimate for you, TMI perhaps, then asking if my clit is pierced is also too intimate. You need to know one about as much as the other in a first message. --jenniy

Let me preface this by saying that I have no problem with the whole S&M thing. I dabble. I enjoy it. And, under normal circumstances, I really have no issues doling out a little punishment if the mood strikes. That may be TMI, but I just want it to be known that I didn't select this message based on the fact that this guy obviously wants or needs or would like a little humiliation. In and of itself, that isn't the problem.

The problem is that an idiot with both the words "orgasm" and "daddy" in his username whose profile is all about his kids is messaging women not to introduce himself or to say hello or to even figure out what they're into but to try and scratch his itch. He proceeds right to soliciting what he wants in his very first message without so much as attempting to figure out if the person he's messaging would actually be into the same things he is--and yes, that's a big fucking deal. Plenty of Fish isn't Fetlife. It's not catering to a niche crowd of people that want to explore that side of themselves. It's about widening your social circle, meeting people, and potentially falling in love or friendship with them.

If you're on PoF looking for casual sex, then your profile needs to explicitly say so. There's no need to bullshit people with a bunch of commentary about how good a father you are since when it comes down to it, you're not looking for someone to meet your kids. You're looking for someone to jump on your dick. As such, the more you talk about how awesome a single dad you are while messaging people about sex, the more you look like a fucking liar who is out for his own self-interests with little concern for what anyone else's wants, needs, or desires including your children's.

Maybe that sounds harsh, but as someone with a child and an ex who has been through woman after woman since we went out separate ways romantically, I can say that it's pretty fucking sickening when people use their "single father" status as a means to get into panties, and those people rarely have the best interests of their children in mind. --jenniy

It's not like I'm asking to be swept off my feet in one message. Truly. It takes time to get swept or whatever unless you're some of my facebook friends who fall in love every 2 weeks with a different person in a cycle of love and leave that seems impossible to be reality instead of a soap opera. But jesus fucking christ... "make" me want to fuck you? Thanks but no thanks. You're going to make me make you look like an ass for sending someone that kind of creepiness on my blog. That's all you're going to make me do.

Also, just an FYI and stuff..."gone" means not present. What I think you're looking for although I can't really be sure is "gonna" and then you'd need to at least change it to Ur if you insist on that asinine abbreviation bullshit.

--jenniy