Saturday, September 27, 2014



It is 2014, people.

If you were to look around you, it might not seem like it especially if you have a vagina or identify as a woman, but it’s true. It’s 2014, but we still have “news” anchors who refer to females in combat as “boobs on the ground.”

Let me provide some background on this story for those who aren’t privy to it already. Earlier this week, Major Mariam Al Mansouri became the first female pilot of the United Arab Emirates to command an airstrike against Isis. That’s a huge accomplishment especially for Maj. Al Mansouri and really for women everywhere. It’s not the first time a female pilot has played a major role in the military. In fact, at least for the United States, female bomber pilots date back to WWII and in 1944, the U.S. Army Air Forces Commander went on record to state that women can fly as well as men.

Yet here we are in 2014 with Fox News anchors, Eric Bolling and Greg Gutfeld, making statements such as “problem is, after she bombed it, she couldn’t park it…” and “would that be considered boobs on the ground, or no?”

Both have since half-heartedly apologized for such statements but those really amount to nothing especially since Bolling admitted he was apologizing because it angered his wife.

Let me be the possibly millionth person to point out that earlier in the segment both men were discussing, heatedly, the fact that President Obama saluted an armed services member with a coffee cup in his hand. The biggest scandal this week is that our President, a known human being, forgot to switch his coffee cup into his other hand and saluted, awkwardly, with the fucking thing. And in doing so, he ignited so much conservative ire that these same two men were shouting into the camera about how these people put their lives on the line for their country and should be shown a little respect.

Let that sink in…

People in armed services should be shown a little respect and not be saluted, unintentionally, with a coffee cup in hand (but it was fine and dandy for President Bush to do so with a dog in his hand, let me add) but it is perfectly fine to then make fun of a female officer’s accomplishments by joking that she cannot park her jet and referring to her as boobs on the ground.

Apparently respect only extends to those individuals who aren’t women. Fuck the so-called fairer sex. Fuck us. When it comes to putting our lives on the line, it’s a big goddamn joke. Don’t let the President salute a man with a coffee cup in hand, but let’s make a big fucking mockery of a huge accomplishment by a female officer. Turn something remarkable and quite serious given Fox News’ apparent fear of ISIS into a laugh riot at her expense.

We don’t need feminism though. It’s time for women to realize that being a feminist isn’t going to get us the men we want. We’re creating this ‘war on women” all in our pretty little heads. We got what we wanted and now we’re just power hungry. We’re manhaters. It’s about hate not equality. Right??? Right?

I’ll believe that feminism isn’t necessary when in the same program, two asshats like Eric Bolling and Greg Gutfield aren’t screaming for respect for our troops then completely degrading a female officer. I’ll stop being a self-identified feminist when anchors on this same station stop blaming women for being raped. I’ll stop when they stop claiming that women don’t really want pay equality.

I’ll stop when I no longer get messages from men who tell me that it all evens out anyway because we can flash our tits and get a free drink whenever we want… When people no longer feel it necessary to send the types of messages I use to make DoucheArt… When men can get custody of their children instead of judges telling them that a child being with a “shitty” mother is better than being with their father… When it’s not a woman’s fault if her nude photos are leaked… When the pay gap closes for ALL women especially WOC who face a larger gap than their White counterparts… When being of child-bearing age is no longer a reason why we didn’t get the fucking job…

When there’s no longer a need for feminism, I’ll be the first to shed the label.

I pinky swear.
Monday, September 22, 2014

I'm a Seinfeld fan.  I don't care for Jerry Seinfeld's Stand Up (makes no sense, I know), but I love the sitcom.  One of my favorite episodes is the one where Jerry is dating the woman who likes to be naked all of the time and one day he has to explain "bad naked" (like squatting or coughing while naked) to his friends who can't figure out the downside of being naked all the time. 

On my OkCupid profile, for the "Most Private Thing You're Willing to Admit" I have: I like to be naked under my clothes. Also, I shower completely in the nude. And I despise bad naked (bonus points if you get the reference).

I think I'm funny.  

Most of the time, people don't get my Seinfeld Show references, which is unfortunate because I make them all the time.  But one of the few times someone does get one... and it is this guy.  If his message wasn't weird enough... check out his profile. 


So... a hot, horny, high, and Hispanic handyman hanging out at home hoping to be your homebound houseboy.  

That's too much Alliteration.  Even for me.  Sorry Dude.