DoucheArt

I can understand after having known someone a while with the anticipation building up that some "flirty" pics may be exchanged or even with someone you're into that you haven't seen in some time just to keep things spicy, but to message someone and immediately request that nude photos be swapped is a little bit much.

Jay,

I can promise you that you have nothing under your shirt or in your pants that I haven't seen before in real and in photos many, many, many, many times before. I don't care about seeing it again from someone I have zero attraction to based on a sad ass, no effort dickhole of a message. And no, it certainly wouldn't be funny to find my photos plastered on some bullshit amateur site when you got bored with looking at them and decided to pass along the booty (pun intended). So... go take about 20 more photos of your cock. I'm sure they'll come in handy one day.

love,

j

So I've already had a run-in with this guy. You can check out that situation here. It wasn't pretty and he told me I have quite an attitude problem which is obviously why I'm single. Obviously, he's a lying sack of shit all-around and that's why HE'S single...

-j

I. Have. No. Fucking. Clue.

What is this message trying to say? I feel like this is a bad Google translation of a perverted comment about oral perhaps without sex or without me being his sister. I'm not sure. All I know is that this is not the way to get anyone's attention.

Any guesses what this might mean??

-j

This wasn't the first message I received from this guy. He started out by asking how a man is supposed to entertain a lady without knowing what entertains that lady. I responded. I have no idea why, but I did. And I regretted it almost immediately. I told him I give out plenty of information in my profile about myself, my goals, and all sorts of things that I find entertaining that would lead to some sort of real conversation. His response was that he wanted to know "better" things that are "closer" and "not for general purpose."

Red flag, right?

I told him to please stop skirting the issue and say what he meant instead of the cryptic generalities. He sent the above message. I didn't respond. It was 1 a.m. and I had sent my message about not tiptoeing around what he really meant just before I got in bed for the night. Less than 10 minutes later he sent another message (that I didn't get until the next day) demanding to know why I couldn't give him an answer.

So, let me get this straight, dude. You want to know private information about me despite the fact that my profile is leaps and bounds more detailed than yours. You want to know what entertains me when I'm naked and alone in bed (what a fucking assumption). And you want to know it right fucking now.

Great. Another entitled dickhead expecting to get something for nothing. And ASAP.

I wasn't in the best of moods the next day when I saw his demand for a response, so I asked him just what the fuck being alone and naked had to do with entertaining me and also stated that I have a child. In my home. Why would he assume that I sleep in the nude? I mean, if he gets sick at night, do I really want to have him come in my room at night for me to take his temperature while I'm nude? No. No, I don't. Perhaps that's just me, but I don't relish the idea.

Why is it that someone I've never spoken to wants to know what I do to entertain myself when I'm "naked and alone" or when "no one is looking?" What does that have to do with what another person can do to keep me entertained? It's fucking creepy to ask someone that...someone you've never spoken to before in your life. You really honestly can't start out with a fucking comment on any of the shit I took the time to put in my profile? It has to be something I do when I'm naked? Fuckstick. He kept on with the conversation saying "..if I knew what was close to you then I would have something to entertain you with."

WHY WOULD I GET CLOSE TO SOMEONE WHO CAN'T EVEN SAY A FUCKING HELLO BEFORE ASKING WHAT I DO WHEN I'M NUDE??????????????????????

I explained that it wasn't kosher to ask a woman what she does when she's naked before so much a introducing yourself. His response was to call me bittter, batshit crazy, angry, without a sense of humor, and said it was pretty obvious why I'm single.

Yeah...I know why, too. Because of dudes like you... Dudes who think it's okay to be absolute creepazoids and when you're called out on it, you resort to calling a woman crazy. Dudes who use the terms "bitter," "angry," and "crazy" to describe EVERY single woman who doesn't agree with them. Dudes who go back after a woman gets offended and says "hey, babe, it was a joke. get a sense of humor."

It is so fucking tiresome hearing that same bullshit.

That's exactly why I'm single.

Yep, that's all it said.

"Sext?"

In my profile I say, verbatim, "it seems the vast majority of the male population wishes to domesticate me or screw me. One extreme or the other with nothing in the gray area. It's frustrating." So an offer to sext isn't exactly screwing but without anything else to go on, it surely doesn't fall into the gray area I mention. And, really, that's like walking up to a woman in a bar and saying, "Can you show me your tits and then tell me how you would give me head?"

Would that work in real life? Does it actually work on the Internet?

It doesn't work for me, and honestly, I found it a bit disturbing. If someone walked up to me in person and asked if I'd describe how I'd fuck them without so much as introducing themselves, it would be a total violation. Why can't people see that saying the same shit on the Internet is STILL a violation. I'M STILL A FUCKING PERSON NO MATTER THE FACT THAT I'M SITTING IN FRONT OF MY COMPUTER WHILE YOU SIT AT YOURS. Being online doesn't suddenly change the fact that you should observe the same courtesies and respect that you would pay to a person in real life. I have no doubt that this dude has little respect for women as it is, but I highly doubt he would walk up to a woman in a grocery store and say "fuck?" and expect her to smile a knowing smile, grab his hand, and head over to the men's bathroom with him... So, don't pull that shit online. Ugh. --jenniy

uh...

no, thanks.

But, seriously, I don't think this is implying anything about late night drives on dirt roads. So, can he really think that suggesting that some guy from the sticks can fuck better or differently than anyone else? Because I can tell you right now with 100% confidence, that ain't true.

I've had "country" for most of my life being that I live in a town of 297 people and the surrounding area is still under 20,000. It's all farmland, dirt roads, and rural quietness. And, it all feels the same, dude. The only thing you can guarantee is that it's going to be a lot better if I actually respect the person I'm sleeping with and with an opening line like that, well, chances are slim on that one...

--jenniy

Somehow I don't think the "something" he mentions here has anything to do with candy... I'm most definitely sure the offer is only for *his* white cock.

Yes, he went there.

I should clarify that the person who received this message is Latina which makes it doubly offensive (to me anyway). I've received similar messages myself from people outside my race. Personally, I have never turned someone down because of their race or nationality,but what I don't do is date people who make everything about race. If you have to offer someone outside your race your *white* cock then maybe you think it's something a bit more special than it actually is. I've seen plenty of cocks in a rainbow of shades and I can say without a doubt that white skin doesn't make it extra special. I would assume that same sentiment is likely true for women of all races and ethnicities (though it's not my place to say with 100% certainty). In my own personal experience, I've chosen who I've slept with or who I've dated because of *who* they are not what color they are...

So, if this shithead really wants to get vulgar, I can dish that right back by letting him know that once his "cock" is in there, it's going to feel the same no matter what color the fucking thing is. --j

Is this a euphemism? Do people stop to think about how the word "shit" will actually be interpreted by the person who receives the message? I have no words for this "shit." In fact, all I want to say is the moral of this story is to never use MeowChat. --jenniy

Normally, bad grammar tends to irk me. It's not that it incites rage or ire. It's just a pet peeve. If I had received this message my first thought upon reading the first part is that maybe the guy's not so bad if he warns about his faults/flaws/mistakes ahead of time. I know some very intelligent people who are shit with spelling, so it's something that can be overlooked.

But then...oh god then...

What he should have warned about in the beginning is that he's bad with respecting women and that he prowls dating sites looking for women to bust a nut to since he's watched so much porn he can't even get it up anymore unless he's watching videos of women going to the bathroom who don't know they're being filmed.

What he should have warned about is that he's a fucking douchenozzle with some serious issues. Maybe just maybe if he stopped beating off long enough and took a few basic spelling and grammar lessons, he might actually only have to warn about the perversion. At least he would have that going for him...

--jenniy

This one and many of our submissions comes from World's Worst Feminist. Check out her blog! We love her!

On the surface, this message may not look particularly awful and you may be wondering just why exactly it made for good DoucheArt this evening given the countless other graphic, douchey messages we get or see posted on Instagram. But this message provided me with two things to address.

First, it is, in fact, douchey to call someone baby, babe, sweetheart, hun, honey, boo, bae or any other variation of a stupidly intimate pet name in your initial message. You're already showing, by doing so, that you're feeling entitled to a level of intimacy with a person that you haven't been invited to partake in. I'm not your baby. I don't even fucking know you, and now, you've ensured that I will never want to because you're already violating unnecessary boundaries.

Two, before I replied, I looked at his profile. His interests are listed as sports and sex. His status is "living with someone." He doesn't have a profile picture. Usually, in my experience, that's a red flag that either someone has issues or they have something to hide. *Not ALL the time but usually.* So, when I did respond, I said exactly that--most of the time when someone doesn't have a pic already on here, they have something to hide. His response: ur right I do!!

When I responded again to tell him that he should be spending time with his significant other instead of harassing women online and that it is disgusting to me that someone in a committed relationship feels the need to expose the person who trusts them most to any number of diseases through online hookup/sexual misadventures, he then told me that his significant other is dead and that I'm a "biotch." He continued to call me a biotch after I asked why his status is living with someone and why he admitted he had something to hide if his significant other is, in fact, dead. I have now been blocked.

Don't be that guy that surfs the Internet to hook up with strange women you meet for one-night stands. If you make a commitment, then fucking stick to it or get the fuck out of it. And, for fuck's sake, if you aren't getting your needs satisfied, talk to your partner instead of trying to drag some random Internet hookup into your drama. If you can't handle a commitment, then do like I do and don't fucking make one. --jenniy

Anything except have an intelligent, thoughtful, and respectful conversation, right? It seems like you're probably incapable of letting me do that with you given these are the first words you've ever said to me, and they're saturated with sexual innuendo so strong it made me gag. Thanks. Thanks for letting me know that I can use you as my human sex toy, but I'd probably get better mental stimulation out of my fucking vibrator. --jenniy

I loved this Instagram submission because I, too, suffer from having large breasts. That fact sort of becomes all that people focus on. I had one boyfriend after another when I was young that honestly only "dated" me to "get a look at those things." In fact, I often refrain from posting full body pics on dating sites because I get comments about my tits from just having my face and a bit of cleavage showing. I can't imagine how bad it would be if people got the full image.

I just want to go on record as saying that I've never gone to a man's profile and messaged him "what dick size?" even though I sometimes think I should just to prove a fucking point. I've never gone and said "nice bulge" to a complete stranger. Or "let me get a look at those balls." I've never sent a guy a message that says "bet you got a nice pair" or "whoa, baby, smother me with those things." I've never called someone a "big-balled monster." But I get those sorts of messages about my boobs fairly often.

I am a person not a set of tits.

I'm on dating site not Porn Hub.

Asking a girl's cup size is pretty fucking rude at any point in dating. She'll tell you if she wants. But, should it really matter? Is that something you need to know? I don't think so. Is a number/letter combination really going to improve or take away from the sight of them at all? Jesus christ, I really don't want to live in a world where this needs to be explained. I'm sitting here typing this out asking myself why this even needs to be said.

All I can say is I'm glad I'm not on that site legitimately looking for the love of my life because I'd be gravely disappointed. But, if I ever need a so-called punching bag to relieve some of my frustration, I may just have to give this a shot. --jenniy

Yes, this guy had Cuckold in his username, so the offer was actually supposed to be legitimate, I guess. If you don't know, a cuckold is a submissive husband/partner/lover whose mate takes on other lovers letting the husband/partner/lover live vicariously through her sexual experiences.

So...first, I have a problem with the term "bitch" in this instance. To submit, apparently, to this guy means being equated with a term historically reserved for females. Already, that's a total turnoff. His submissiveness is equated with traditionally-defined female subservience in his mind.

But, take that out of the equation, and what you have is a guy (10 years younger than me, I might add) who thinks it is perfectly fine to ask a woman in a first message if she will be his partner while continuing to have sex with multitudes of men for his pleasure.

THIS ISN'T A FETISH SITE. But there are sites just for that. Perhaps at his young age he is too ignorant or naive to know that, so I could really let it pass if only he made some sort of get-to-know you talk first then moved towards asking if I even knew what all this was about. It's so fucking strange and creepy to ask someone this kind of thing in the very first message that you send. What the fuck happened to getting to know people before you start envisioning yourself listening to stories about them having raunchy sex with other people?

I'm all for people being able to express themselves and be true to who they are, but does that really have to come at the expense of common fucking decency?

-jenniy

How do I feel about domination and submission? You really want to know, Dan? I feel that it's none of your fucking business until we've actually moved beyond first messages and into the realm of actually discussing these things.

Do people on these things even know how to flirt anymore or is this it?

--jenniy

This is so casual. No preface. No gradual progression trying to figure out what the person who received this message really wanted or needed that day. Just boom...want some cum? That was it.

Since doing this (DoucheArt), I have become certain that there are far too many men out there who think women never derive any pleasure from sex and that we are here on Earth as cum receptacles. That's it for us in the minds of these fellows. We don't want or have or need orgasms. It's like we don't enjoy or want the act of sex at all whatsoever which is about as far from the actual fucking truth as it gets. Even when we're offered something that seems like it should be foreplay or for our enjoyment, it's really just because the offer is made by someone based on his own enjoyment of the act. All the "hey let me eat that pussy" messages aren't about our needs; they're about the fact that the man sending the message loves performing cunnilingus. That's all find and good, but sex is a two-way street. It should never be *just* about what one person enjoys. It should never be this one-sided.

People always say that sex means more when you love the person. I don't know if it's about the love as much as it's about the fact that it means two people who respect and care for one another are actually enjoying the moment WITH each other and not just because of each other. There's where the difference lies... When those elements are involved, both partners are as concerned about the enjoyment of each other as they are themselves.

So, you can keep attempting to jizz on our glasses or drown us in your wads all you fucking want to, but you're just going to end up jerking off into a sad little kleenex because all you care about is getting yours and you make that pretty fucking clear. --jenniy

I think the title says it all, but just to make it clear, the last thing a woman wants to picture is the literal image given by the phrasing used in this message. If someone I'd been fucking on a regular basis said this to me, I would mercilessly make fun of that person just to ensure that he or she never, ever felt the need to fuck the shit out of anything again. But, coming from a a complete stranger you really don't know if it's an expression or if that is literally what that person wants to do. Given the quality of messages I receive and that other people receive--that we feature on here--I'm pretty sure this kind of thing is *exactly* what some people are into. --jenniy

I wish I could say that this was some sort of sick joke, but it wasn't. This Instagram submission is probably one of the most vile things I've come across since we've been doing this, and that's saying a lot. Let me clarify something.

A DATING SITE IS NOT PORN HUB.

It's just not. The women on a DATING site aren't there for you to throw your fucking money at and steamroll with all the twisted things you'd like to do with your dick while in their presence.

No one is asking for this. If, and this is a huge if, this girl's profile said that she was *only* looking for casual sex, the sex stuff might be understandable, but at the end of the day, these jerks aren't even giving her a chance to be interested in what they look like naked before she's drowning in their cum. These guys are Don Jon's whacking it off 17 times a day who have no idea what to do with an actual woman. If you notice...the first thing he really offers her after the money is to jerk off on her genitalia... That says a lot.

Read some about pornography and how the actual process involved is nothing like what you see on your computer screen. Actual sex, real sex isn't about offering some stranger $250 on the Internet to jerk off on her or watch her like she's some sort of live porno. Fucking jerks.

--jenniy

Quite often, victims of street harrassment are told to smile. It's this whole idea that women are put on the Earth to be pleasing to the eye. Now, before you argue, just consider it. Without knowing why we may be down or angry at the time, without knowing us at all, a perfect stranger feels the need to walk up to us and tell us to smile...smile so you will be more pleasing for me to look at; I bet you have a pretty smile. Do you see random men running up to homeless people to do so? Do you see men go into a mental hospital telling people to smile or walk down the corridors of a hospital feeling the need to tell people to smile? At a funeral? After a tragedy? You can't possibly know what is going on in someone's life at any point in time yet women are constantly told to smile. The end point is that we aren't here to be pleasing to the eye. We have complex lives that come with baggage and problems and issues just like any other person's. When we have a reason to smile, damnit, we will.

I had a friend on Facebook relate a story just the other day of a man BLOCKING her entrance to a store telling her to smile. He actually felt the need to block her path while she entered a store to tell her to smile...a man, a strange man she had never met. That's fucking frightening in public or not especially after he resorted to name-calling when she wasn't thrilled with having to deal with this kind of bullshit.

And when we do smile, we get messages like this one. Great. --jenniy