DoucheArt

I didn't even answer the first by the time the second message came.

"Dam girl what's up with you"

I don't even know how to translate that.  Is he literally asking me what's up?  Is he trying to ask me why I didn't respond to his first message?  I'm confused either way.

But this is the kind of message you get when you take down your profile picture.  You know... no one called me "girl" when I was one, except the little Chinese lady who owned the restaurant we used to go to as a family when I was a kid.  But she called all of us "girl" or "boy" respectively, and while I haven't seen her in years I'm relatively certain she would STILL call me that today in spite of the fact that I'm 28 years old.   She still calls my brother "boy" and he's like 6'2 and she only comes up to the middle of his chest.
 
My point?  The only person who gets to call me "girl" is a Chinese woman in her 60's who used to send me home with styrofoam containers of Chinese food even though we showed up for the buffet.

And learn how to spell "Damn".  It's a fucking four letter word, dumb ass.  Ugh... nothing locks up my ability to communicate with someone who is an idiot AND can't spell.

This was a submission from one of our faithful readers.  We're going to call her Hot Dee... and I suspect she's going to have a lot of submissions for us in the near future.  Plus... I LOVE how she isn't taking crap from these guys!

I'm honestly still trying to decipher the first message from Pete....  I'm not sure what he is trying to say.  "I have ALL those".... maybe Hot Dee has a list of dating qualifications?  Maybe he means he wants a "lil" of something Hot Dee's got?  I have no idea.

The best part?  He acknowledges that his message was bad, gives a half-assed apology and then comes back "just looking for a piece of ass".  I don't know why looking for a piece of ass means you shouldn't put some effort into it... at the very least use some punctuation, fuckstick.  Why the hell do people think that just because you're looking for a hook up you shouldn't come off as at least reasonably intelligent?

Maybe I'm an asshole, but if you can't put even a little effort into your shitty ass line I'm not going to see what kind of lame ass attempt you put into your bedroom performance.  I get it... being able to form a sentence and "perform" are two different things, but I can't help but think if you can't put a little effort into getting my clothes off, I doubt you're going to put effort into getting ME off and that is all there is to it.

Hot Dee ended the conversation with "Wrong page, but good luck."  I think I'm going to make that my trademark response.

 
Mike message messaged me and suddenly stopped answering.  Two and a half weeks later... he came back and tried again.

I was the douche this time.  I'll admit it.  And maybe Mike is just... I don't know, shy or something.  But honestly... I'm so tired of being conversationally cockblocked by these guys and I've decided I'm just going to say so.  I hate having my time wasted... if you don't want to talk, don't message me.

Mike never responded.  That's ok.  We wouldn't have had anything to talk about anyway.

Oh Manny....  what the hell?  If the text speak didn't turn me off, the Tony the Tiger "gr888" did.  You're not coming anywhere near my Frosted Flakes anytime soon.

I have so many problems with this.

I'm tired of "text speak", for starters.  But, ok, that's fine... I'll give him a chance.  But then... this.  Now listen... it's a tough market out there and I can understand that.  I'm not going to say that not having a job makes someone undateable, but I definitely don't think that being like "Hey, I'm unemployed" on your second message is necessarily the way to go.  I guess I don't consider myself to be defined by my job (because I have a job and not a career) but that being said, I don't talk about it unless I'm asked and I don't ask about it either.  Which leaves plenty of room to talk about other things like hobbies and interests, but instead this guy goes straight for the unemployment.

But let's step around the unemployed fact and just look at the situation... what the fuck am I supposed to say to that?  I'm being left with no way and no content to respond to.  I mean, "Gee...that sucks" feels inadequate but at the same time I don't feel like I'm supposed to be the person to step up and say more like "I'm sorry to hear that" because the truth is... I'M NOT SORRY TO HEAR THAT.  It sucks when ANYONE loses their job, but what am I supposed to do...commiserate with the guy when for all I know he got fired for a damn good reason?

Maybe it was for his conversational skills because even if I wanted to reply to him... he left me with no way to.  What am I going to do... ignore your statement?  Just bypass it and be like "So... what do you like to do for fun?"

Let that be a lesson to you out there, gentlemen.  It might not be WHAT you're saying versus how you're saying it that is preventing you from getting a response.

Wow.  Way to start a conversation.  Why do people think sites like Plenty of Fish are like want ads?  You see, you get?  Nut-uh.  Not handing out my number to weirdos.

And as a sidenote... why are all these men always looking for "drama free"?  I mean, I get it but that isn't a huge selling point.

Hey Person I don't know...send me your number so I can send you some pics!

PASS!!!!  I don't care how pretty you think I am.  I don't want your dick pics!

Tony Tastytooth comes back for more.  This is his idea of a First Date posted on his Plenty of Fish profile.  So charming.  So eloquent.  So...Douche.

Remember Tastytooth from this post?  For the record...the stars are put there by Plenty Of Fish so I can only imagine what he actually said.  This is his "About Me".  Fun Fact: He likes spending time with children but claims not to have any.  I'm so creeped out by this profile.  I only wish he would have included a photo.

I stumbled on this post while trying to look up the "Tasty" who is only a little bit shallow from yesterday's post.  This was the headline for his profile.  It only got "better" from there.  It blows my mind how articulate he is.  Stay tuned to see what else he was looking for.

I guess "no strings" means never having a conversation  --jenniy