DoucheArt

On the surface, this message may not look particularly awful and you may be wondering just why exactly it made for good DoucheArt this evening given the countless other graphic, douchey messages we get or see posted on Instagram. But this message provided me with two things to address.

First, it is, in fact, douchey to call someone baby, babe, sweetheart, hun, honey, boo, bae or any other variation of a stupidly intimate pet name in your initial message. You're already showing, by doing so, that you're feeling entitled to a level of intimacy with a person that you haven't been invited to partake in. I'm not your baby. I don't even fucking know you, and now, you've ensured that I will never want to because you're already violating unnecessary boundaries.

Two, before I replied, I looked at his profile. His interests are listed as sports and sex. His status is "living with someone." He doesn't have a profile picture. Usually, in my experience, that's a red flag that either someone has issues or they have something to hide. *Not ALL the time but usually.* So, when I did respond, I said exactly that--most of the time when someone doesn't have a pic already on here, they have something to hide. His response: ur right I do!!

When I responded again to tell him that he should be spending time with his significant other instead of harassing women online and that it is disgusting to me that someone in a committed relationship feels the need to expose the person who trusts them most to any number of diseases through online hookup/sexual misadventures, he then told me that his significant other is dead and that I'm a "biotch." He continued to call me a biotch after I asked why his status is living with someone and why he admitted he had something to hide if his significant other is, in fact, dead. I have now been blocked.

Don't be that guy that surfs the Internet to hook up with strange women you meet for one-night stands. If you make a commitment, then fucking stick to it or get the fuck out of it. And, for fuck's sake, if you aren't getting your needs satisfied, talk to your partner instead of trying to drag some random Internet hookup into your drama. If you can't handle a commitment, then do like I do and don't fucking make one. --jenniy

This is so casual. No preface. No gradual progression trying to figure out what the person who received this message really wanted or needed that day. Just boom...want some cum? That was it.

Since doing this (DoucheArt), I have become certain that there are far too many men out there who think women never derive any pleasure from sex and that we are here on Earth as cum receptacles. That's it for us in the minds of these fellows. We don't want or have or need orgasms. It's like we don't enjoy or want the act of sex at all whatsoever which is about as far from the actual fucking truth as it gets. Even when we're offered something that seems like it should be foreplay or for our enjoyment, it's really just because the offer is made by someone based on his own enjoyment of the act. All the "hey let me eat that pussy" messages aren't about our needs; they're about the fact that the man sending the message loves performing cunnilingus. That's all find and good, but sex is a two-way street. It should never be *just* about what one person enjoys. It should never be this one-sided.

People always say that sex means more when you love the person. I don't know if it's about the love as much as it's about the fact that it means two people who respect and care for one another are actually enjoying the moment WITH each other and not just because of each other. There's where the difference lies... When those elements are involved, both partners are as concerned about the enjoyment of each other as they are themselves.

So, you can keep attempting to jizz on our glasses or drown us in your wads all you fucking want to, but you're just going to end up jerking off into a sad little kleenex because all you care about is getting yours and you make that pretty fucking clear. --jenniy

Quite often, victims of street harrassment are told to smile. It's this whole idea that women are put on the Earth to be pleasing to the eye. Now, before you argue, just consider it. Without knowing why we may be down or angry at the time, without knowing us at all, a perfect stranger feels the need to walk up to us and tell us to smile...smile so you will be more pleasing for me to look at; I bet you have a pretty smile. Do you see random men running up to homeless people to do so? Do you see men go into a mental hospital telling people to smile or walk down the corridors of a hospital feeling the need to tell people to smile? At a funeral? After a tragedy? You can't possibly know what is going on in someone's life at any point in time yet women are constantly told to smile. The end point is that we aren't here to be pleasing to the eye. We have complex lives that come with baggage and problems and issues just like any other person's. When we have a reason to smile, damnit, we will.

I had a friend on Facebook relate a story just the other day of a man BLOCKING her entrance to a store telling her to smile. He actually felt the need to block her path while she entered a store to tell her to smile...a man, a strange man she had never met. That's fucking frightening in public or not especially after he resorted to name-calling when she wasn't thrilled with having to deal with this kind of bullshit.

And when we do smile, we get messages like this one. Great. --jenniy

First of all, why is it "the" pussy?

In response to the first sentence, the girl who received this asked if the messenger was a gynecologist? How exactly would he "take care" of a vagina? With a speculum and some lab tests?

Also, I'm not impressed by this amateur gyno's understanding of the female sex. Though it's usually a topic of debate with most men telling women that *every* woman can squirt if she learns her body well enough, it's physiologically impossible for all of us. So right off the bat even if I wanted a quick fling with a random stranger who I felt was okay to trust despite rape and murder not to mention STI statistics, I think I'd still pass. I'd rather have someone who understands that the female orgasm has a lot to do with intellectual stimulation and not with porno-style jackhammering. --jenniy

I *think* he means that he wants to jizz in her face, but it's hard to tell. Either way, it's not very classy. I mean, you open up with two possible options--jizz or a few punches in the face... This is what passes for a message on these sites at times. The bad thing is that Ash and I have been told more than once now that all we have to do is ignore messages like this and block the person. But, it's not just us, the admins, getting them. It's not just us that has felt dirty and ashamed and objectified because of them. It's not just us that thinks this has gone on far too long, and goddamnit, it's time we show what it's really like. These aren't just the half-wits and the socially challenged. These are people from all walks of life, all social classes and intelligence levels. I'm not down with making excuses for it, so here we are. No, you can't bust anything in my face, assholes. Go fuck yourselves. --jenniy

I should explain a bit more about this conversation. Typically, I don't post messages from people I exchange even a few messages with, but in this case, I can't say either of us revealed personal information or made a connection, so I do feel that I'm still within my set ethical boundaries on this. The conversation went as follows:

Johnboy: Hey

I didn't respond. I don't usually respond to just a hey especially if I look at the profile, and it says nothing of substance. His said literally next to nothing. If I did respond to every message, I'd do nothing else with any of my time because the longer it shows you online, the more messages you get. The more I respond to small talk, the more I'm going to get. And, I feel like since I made the effort of putting together a very detailed profile, I'd like someone to respond to that...not with a one word greeting, a one-liner about my tattoos, or a question/shitty joke about the town name (Climax...yes, it's really Climax). I state this in my profile.

Two hours later he responds with: I really hate u didn't like me.

Me: What's to like? You said nothing in your message and jack shit in your profile. If you can't be bothered to make an effort, why the fuck should I?

Him: I've got a gf but with that attitude i see y your single...we was looking for someone to play with

30 minutes later after I didn't respond he wrote: But you are smokin ass hot

Now, if you like to have threesomes, more power to you. I personally don't. But here's the thing, his profile says that he is looking for a relationship, that he is single, and that he is "looking for some who share my way ofthinking. .."

That's highly misleading if he and his girlfriend are looking for someone to play with. It's a bold fucking lie. If you want a third wheel to a casual threesome, then that's what you need to say right there in bold print on your profile. You do not need to mislead people stating that you are looking for a relationship and are single when clearly you are not. And, in my opinion at least, it's the girlfriend that needs to be looking for the hook-up not the boyfriend because it's going to take a woman that is down with being naked with another woman, isn't it? Why would a completely heterosexual woman be into this?

All of it is highly suspect and utter bullshit. The lesson here...be honest. Don't be the douche who either lies about being single or lies about having a "gf" who wants someone to "play with" because either way you look at it, lying gets you no where.

Yeah, that's exactly what a woman wants to hear when you first contact her... How you're fantasizing about dropping a load of jizz on her face. I mean, fuck the anticipation and the build up and the chase. Forget the flirting and the way she'll touch your arm when you make her laugh because she just *has* to touch you in that moment. Let's just skip all the good stuff and go right to your idiotic porn-soaked fantasies. Because that just makes a woman weak in the knees. Really. That's what we dream about at night--not being loved and loving someone else, not having hot, sweaty, passionate sex... We lay awake for hours thinking about random dudes splattering our faces with their dick juice. --jenniy