DoucheArt

I think the title says it all, but just to make it clear, the last thing a woman wants to picture is the literal image given by the phrasing used in this message. If someone I'd been fucking on a regular basis said this to me, I would mercilessly make fun of that person just to ensure that he or she never, ever felt the need to fuck the shit out of anything again. But, coming from a a complete stranger you really don't know if it's an expression or if that is literally what that person wants to do. Given the quality of messages I receive and that other people receive--that we feature on here--I'm pretty sure this kind of thing is *exactly* what some people are into. --jenniy

I wish I could say that this was some sort of sick joke, but it wasn't. This Instagram submission is probably one of the most vile things I've come across since we've been doing this, and that's saying a lot. Let me clarify something.

A DATING SITE IS NOT PORN HUB.

It's just not. The women on a DATING site aren't there for you to throw your fucking money at and steamroll with all the twisted things you'd like to do with your dick while in their presence.

No one is asking for this. If, and this is a huge if, this girl's profile said that she was *only* looking for casual sex, the sex stuff might be understandable, but at the end of the day, these jerks aren't even giving her a chance to be interested in what they look like naked before she's drowning in their cum. These guys are Don Jon's whacking it off 17 times a day who have no idea what to do with an actual woman. If you notice...the first thing he really offers her after the money is to jerk off on her genitalia... That says a lot.

Read some about pornography and how the actual process involved is nothing like what you see on your computer screen. Actual sex, real sex isn't about offering some stranger $250 on the Internet to jerk off on her or watch her like she's some sort of live porno. Fucking jerks.

--jenniy

"I expect nothing in return."

That's really the thing that gets me about this one. I mean, sure, this is a pretty douchey message overall, but it's that one line that really pisses me off.

First, this girl has to deal with this message. Second, she has to actually meet up with this guy who is only interested in her because she has what he perceives to be a "beautiful rack." He obviously doesn't see her as a person with labels such as "rack." She's an object. A tit holder. Third, she has to strip down once she does meet this guy and let him latch onto one of her most intimate areas in a way that is likely going to be wholly creepy.

Nothing the fuck in return?

Dude, you're getting ALL THE BENEFITS.

All.

The.

Benefits.

She gets nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zip. This has absolutely nothing to do about her and what she wants.

So that one sentence "I expect nothing in return" is just a slap in the face in an otherwise mundane message, and it makes me want to track this guy down and beat him with a dildo. --jenniy

Finally!!!!

Finally, someone understands what women want.

That's right... what women really want is to see a video of a random stranger jerking off and jizzing all over his hands. There's nothing better. Seriously. That's all we've ever wanted.

Fuck conversation.

Who needs to know your name?

We would never want anything like, for instance, going out to dinner (splitting the bill).

Why bother having our own orgasms or even being touched?

It all boils down to seeing a strange dick flopping around on a poor quality video then gurgling on camera after 2 minutes tops of hand fucking.

It's the most fulfilling interaction one could ever possibly have with another human being.

Or maybe the men that ask these sorts of things need to stop watching so much porn that having a regular interaction with a woman is too much to fucking ask. --jenniy

Yeah, that's exactly what a woman wants to hear when you first contact her... How you're fantasizing about dropping a load of jizz on her face. I mean, fuck the anticipation and the build up and the chase. Forget the flirting and the way she'll touch your arm when you make her laugh because she just *has* to touch you in that moment. Let's just skip all the good stuff and go right to your idiotic porn-soaked fantasies. Because that just makes a woman weak in the knees. Really. That's what we dream about at night--not being loved and loving someone else, not having hot, sweaty, passionate sex... We lay awake for hours thinking about random dudes splattering our faces with their dick juice. --jenniy

Honestly, does he really think the motorcycle ride sweetens this deal at all?

Fucking creep.

--jenniy

You look like an asshole that wouldn't know how to make a woman have an orgasm if your life depended on it. Am I right or am I right?

Douche.

What is the deal with these kinds of messages? I get them fairly often myself, and it never stops creeping me out. I think some people really watch too much porn. --jenniy

No, 9 inches probably isn't long enough for you to honestly go fuck yourself, but that shouldn't stop you from trying. --jenniy