DoucheArt

This was a submission from one of our faithful readers.  We're going to call her Hot Dee... and I suspect she's going to have a lot of submissions for us in the near future.  Plus... I LOVE how she isn't taking crap from these guys!

I'm honestly still trying to decipher the first message from Pete....  I'm not sure what he is trying to say.  "I have ALL those".... maybe Hot Dee has a list of dating qualifications?  Maybe he means he wants a "lil" of something Hot Dee's got?  I have no idea.

The best part?  He acknowledges that his message was bad, gives a half-assed apology and then comes back "just looking for a piece of ass".  I don't know why looking for a piece of ass means you shouldn't put some effort into it... at the very least use some punctuation, fuckstick.  Why the hell do people think that just because you're looking for a hook up you shouldn't come off as at least reasonably intelligent?

Maybe I'm an asshole, but if you can't put even a little effort into your shitty ass line I'm not going to see what kind of lame ass attempt you put into your bedroom performance.  I get it... being able to form a sentence and "perform" are two different things, but I can't help but think if you can't put a little effort into getting my clothes off, I doubt you're going to put effort into getting ME off and that is all there is to it.

Hot Dee ended the conversation with "Wrong page, but good luck."  I think I'm going to make that my trademark response.

I have no words for this Reader Submission.  None whatsoever.  "Faceee" cannot be a typo.  I wonder if he thinks that's cute?  Because all I hear in my head is the World's most unsexy  man-squeal.

Maybe instead of something like that, a guy could start with something simple like, "Hi" and maybe tell a girl she's pretty.  If it were me, the only thing of mine that would be meeting this guy's face is my fuckin' fist.

And the best part?  It didn't stop there.  This guy is a frequent offender and you can expect to see more from him soon!

This was sent in by The Pink Polka Dotted Unicorn.  We adore her.  But she gets the strangest messages.  I have no words for this.  Is that a compliment?  Is that an insult?  I have no idea.  What a fuck stick.

Cuckolding is such a fancy word for "fuck my partner while I watch", but according to The Daily Beast cuckolding is "The Intellectual Sex Fetish" and so much more than one Redneck asking another Redneck to fuck his wife.  Um...whatever.  It just brings up memories of awkward propositions made to me in a bar a time or two.

Anyway, this little gem was sent to me by The Pink Polka Dotted Unicorn who I suspect we'll be hearing a lot from because she attracts freaks like no other.  And a small part of me can't wait.

What he's trying to say is something more along the lines of the image above, but all I can think is:



All he is going to hit is his own hand and even then I think he'll have to get it drunk first. --jenniy

This DoucheArt contribution is from Rubi over at World's Worst Feminist. Check her blog out.

It's so lovely when you meet someone you think you click with and all of a sudden you get a message just before meeting him and he says the sweetest words you've ever seen typed in black and white before you... And you get so fucking giddy with the warm fuzzies that you can't even make it to the date.

Or, maybe you didn't make it to the date because this is one of the most horrible propositions a person could make?

At the very least he could have offered to get her off first, right?

--jenniy

So many thoughts here.  I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been sent so many unsolicited pics of snakes of every size that I just assumed no one had to ask for them anymore.  This reader submission shows me otherwise.  Looks like she is quiet the aspiring snake charmer. - Hot Ash