DoucheArt

Yes, this guy had Cuckold in his username, so the offer was actually supposed to be legitimate, I guess. If you don't know, a cuckold is a submissive husband/partner/lover whose mate takes on other lovers letting the husband/partner/lover live vicariously through her sexual experiences.

So...first, I have a problem with the term "bitch" in this instance. To submit, apparently, to this guy means being equated with a term historically reserved for females. Already, that's a total turnoff. His submissiveness is equated with traditionally-defined female subservience in his mind.

But, take that out of the equation, and what you have is a guy (10 years younger than me, I might add) who thinks it is perfectly fine to ask a woman in a first message if she will be his partner while continuing to have sex with multitudes of men for his pleasure.

THIS ISN'T A FETISH SITE. But there are sites just for that. Perhaps at his young age he is too ignorant or naive to know that, so I could really let it pass if only he made some sort of get-to-know you talk first then moved towards asking if I even knew what all this was about. It's so fucking strange and creepy to ask someone this kind of thing in the very first message that you send. What the fuck happened to getting to know people before you start envisioning yourself listening to stories about them having raunchy sex with other people?

I'm all for people being able to express themselves and be true to who they are, but does that really have to come at the expense of common fucking decency?

-jenniy

This week an enlisted Navy sailor, Nicholas Lord, decided it would be cool if he got wasted and made comments about rape on Facebook. It didn’t end there, however. This “man” decided he would then go onto a woman’s photo, a woman wearing a Navy shirt who said she had recently enlisted, and make the following comment:

"You’ll end up pregnant real soon you fucking whore. If I could, and I knew you I’d hold you down and rape you."



We all do idiotic things when we’re drunk. I get that. But, rape is a serious matter, and as the old proverb says A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Threatening to rape someone even via social media is actually assault per the law. Under American common law, assault is defined as creating fear of imminent harm or offensive contact with a person. If she had any information on her profile regarding her location, assault charges could be and should be possible. The longer we take shit like this as less than a serious matter, the more rape culture continues to exist.

I know that people think it’s funny to joke about rape and will argue that this is the case here (an idiot drunkenly joking about rape on the Internet), but is there ever a time when making a rape joke is actually
funny to the people who live with the threat of rape all the time? I don’t think so personally, and I doubt many women find rape jokes to be incredibly funny and appropriate. Victims of rape really don’t give a shit that you think it’s funny to joke about it like it’s not one of the most horrible, vicious things a person can do to another. If the roles were reversed and women were suddenly making jokes about things that men were more often the victims of, I’m sure that men wouldn’t think they were supposed to “have a sense of humor” and get over it. Women would be the usually crazy bitches that we are when we do things that don’t mesh with the views of the men around us (or at least some of the men…yes, I know it’s #notallmen, but keep in mind that it is most definitely #yesallwomen—whether it’s all of men or not, we all still experience the same fucked up shit as women because we’re women).

Our Douche of the Week posts have often concerned rape in the past, and unfortunately, this week is no different. I wish there were a plethora of other subjects more prevalent than this one, but it's a conversation we keep coming back to because rape culture in our society is such a driving force that people consistently and fully promote an acceptable attitude of violence towards women and victim-blaming ultimately landing them a spot here as a Top of the Line Douchecanoes.

This week, it's 20 year old Brandon Vandenburg, a former football player at Vanderbilt college in Tennessee who was kicked off the football team last year after he and some of his fellow teammates were charged with raping an unconscious female student. This week, Vandenburg submitted a 128 page document to the court to have his case dismissed on the grounds that the female student in question had a questionable history filled with promiscuity and drinking.

In the early morning hours of June 23, 4 young football players took turns having sexual intercourse with the victim while she was passed out in Vandenburg's room. The 4 were subsequently charged with 5 counts of aggravated rape and 2 counts of sexual battery.

Mr. Vandenburg here, however, feels that no crime took place simply because the victim obviously liked to have sex and drink. It doesn't matter that the victim had no chance to say yes to being plowed by 4 men who lined up to have unprotected sex with her. She absolutely might have done so. But, the big thing here is that SHE WASN'T GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY YES OR NO. She was not given a choice to be in control of her own body because these 4 assclowns saw fit to take what they wanted. She liked football players anyway, right? She liked to drink and fuck, right? So there's no way she would have said no. Might as well fuck her and video and take pictures of it for their own benefit.

This is the entitlement aspect of rape culture.

Men feel that since a woman has had sex, she will have sex with any man who ever wants to have sex with her, and even if she is completely unable to say yes, it's fine because she would have said yes anyway.

It concerns me that this douchebag's attorneys would even file this document. Rape shield laws are in place to protect victims from having to answer any questions whatsoever about their sexual history. Because *NEWSFLASH* a woman who has had sex isn't going to have sex with every dick we can find. We're not roaming the streets after becoming sexually active unable to control ourselves and jumping on the drunken homeless man sleeping in the dumpster behind 7/11. We're not bending over on the bus and letting the guy with horrible B.O. and 2 teeth stick us from behind. Rape shield laws are in place BECAUSE SAYING YES ONCE DOES NOT MEAN GIVE MEN THE BLANKET AUTHORITY TO GIVE "IT" TO US AT ANY TIME THEY CHOOSE. We're not asking for it by saying yes. We're not incapable of saying no just because we've said yes. This girl's supposed "promiscuity" does not at all diminish the fact that she passed out in a dorm room and was then violated by 4 different "men" who thought it would be great to treat her like a human blow-up doll.

Who the fuck can possibly defend their own actions when they're actions clearly show that each one of them took turns having sex with an unconscious girl? A douche, that's who.

I had a debate not long ago with someone who said that we need to keep fighting to keep girls from drinking too much and making themselves vulnerable to these kinds of attacks, but the fact of the matter is that whether she had too much to drink or not doesn't diminish the fact that cultural attitudes ensured that these men would take advantage of the opportunity. Every woman in this country could absolutely refuse to drink for the rest of their lives and we'd still be raped. We'd still be victims. Had she not been drunk, the chances that she would have been overpowered and raped by 4 guys who thought she owed it to them (obviously) to fuck them all are pretty fucking high. The drink just made their job easier....it didn't suddenly turn them into rapists. The mentality was already there.

What needs to happen is for this asshole to be laughed out of court with this idiotic motion to dismiss, and each one of them needs to spend a lengthy time in prison. The statistics show that 97% of rapists never spend any time in jail and that just speaks to the cultural influence at work. That needs to change and idiots like this need to be the example. When the mentality that men are entitled to give women what they're asking for is changed with imposed prison sentences, when rapists aren't given carte blanche to repeatedly force themselves on women to the complete acceptance of the system and society, we'll see less of this kind of crime. --jenniy

Assumptions were made with this message. I have tattoos which show in my photos on my profile. Those tattoos have gotten me called a "bad girl," "exotic," "sensual," and even a "freak." People have these ideas, stereotypes if you will, built in their own minds about what kind of person has as many tattoos as I do (and counting). Exotic? I'm from South Georgia. My skin looks like milk, and when I'm in the sun, my freckles connect. How the fuck is that exotic? The rest are simply assumptions based on what kind of person has tattoos according to the messenger.

The same is true with this message. I have no visible piercings in my photos, and truth be told the only thing I have pierced is my ears. The assumption though is that since I have tattoos, I must also have piercings, and now he's curious about just what exactly I might have pierced.

It's not exactly an innocent first thought to have about someone. But, it wasn't just a thought. This guy decided to take it to the next level and go ahead and ask me. He may as well have just asked me what my vagina looks like, if I shave or trim or bleach my asshole, and if the carpet matches the drapes. Because what he really wants to know when it comes down to it is what I look like in my most intimate of areas so he can picture that during whatever fantasy he comes up with as he sits at his keyboard typing one handed.

If knowing what type of tampons I prefer is too intimate for you, TMI perhaps, then asking if my clit is pierced is also too intimate. You need to know one about as much as the other in a first message. --jenniy

Let's just start with the obvious on this one or at least the obvious to me. Perhaps it's not really Chinese history that is hard to learn. Perhaps since it's impossible for this guy to correctly construct one sentence, he is having a bit more trouble than the average person. In other words, his lack of intelligence makes this a very poor analogy.

If someone sent me the message, "Hi, beautiful. I'm Brian, and I just wanted you to know that you make me harder than it is to learn Chinese history," I might laugh. I likely wouldn't respond because I don't want to encourage this kind of behavior even in jest, but I would still smirk. If he followed it with someone letting me know it was a joke or letting me know anything else, I probably would respond. It's certainly more creative than the multitudes of dudes wanting to jizz on my glasses. But, upon seeing screenshots of the rest of this conversation between the girl it was sent to and Brian, it was obvious that he really meant what he said. He really wanted her to know that he made his dick hard.

Imagine you're sitting on the bus and a random man walks up to you. I don't care what gender you are or what your sexual orientation is (because the guys who send these messages really don't care about that either when it all comes down to it). Just imagine it. You're on the bus minding your own business, maybe looking around you at all the people off in their own worlds wondering what they're thinking about or what they're on the way to do. A man walks up and sits down beside you. He looks you up and down, winks, and says, "you make my dick hard."

IT'S NOT FUCKING FLATTERING.

It's creepy. There's no way to react well to that because it's just such a violation coming from a complete stranger whose erection may be of no interest to you. But, you're now guaranteed to have to picture his dick getting hard which is what he wanted in the first place. The most personal space of all-your own thoughts--has been violated by this idiot's hard-on, and he knows it.

It's the same on the Internet. Hearing about some guy's hard-on isn't really what most people are looking for in a first message. Don't be that guy. And if you've got to be that guy, spell things correctly.  --jenniy

Let me preface this by saying that I have no problem with the whole S&M thing. I dabble. I enjoy it. And, under normal circumstances, I really have no issues doling out a little punishment if the mood strikes. That may be TMI, but I just want it to be known that I didn't select this message based on the fact that this guy obviously wants or needs or would like a little humiliation. In and of itself, that isn't the problem.

The problem is that an idiot with both the words "orgasm" and "daddy" in his username whose profile is all about his kids is messaging women not to introduce himself or to say hello or to even figure out what they're into but to try and scratch his itch. He proceeds right to soliciting what he wants in his very first message without so much as attempting to figure out if the person he's messaging would actually be into the same things he is--and yes, that's a big fucking deal. Plenty of Fish isn't Fetlife. It's not catering to a niche crowd of people that want to explore that side of themselves. It's about widening your social circle, meeting people, and potentially falling in love or friendship with them.

If you're on PoF looking for casual sex, then your profile needs to explicitly say so. There's no need to bullshit people with a bunch of commentary about how good a father you are since when it comes down to it, you're not looking for someone to meet your kids. You're looking for someone to jump on your dick. As such, the more you talk about how awesome a single dad you are while messaging people about sex, the more you look like a fucking liar who is out for his own self-interests with little concern for what anyone else's wants, needs, or desires including your children's.

Maybe that sounds harsh, but as someone with a child and an ex who has been through woman after woman since we went out separate ways romantically, I can say that it's pretty fucking sickening when people use their "single father" status as a means to get into panties, and those people rarely have the best interests of their children in mind. --jenniy

I have 10 photos on my profile on OKC and one is a bit risque. Not terribly so but just a teaser. Somehow I don't think that's what he was talking about though, do you? I'm pretty sure with his nonchalant pet name and ab-showing profile pic, he was looking to score some pics of my tits and/or show off his dick. In this day of revenge porn where even someone you trust will turn your photos into an amateur porn site, do I really want to run the risk of sending out my various body parts to a random stranger? It's not exactly very rewarding either to do so to say the least. I don't really get much out of seeing a photo of a cock that I really don't care to play with in person not that I would ever get the opportunity to...because let's face it, when someone asks to trade pics instead of actually asking you to hang out, you're not getting anything else. It's a fucking dating site. It's not an amateur porn site. Jesus fucking christ... If you want to show your dick off, go post it on a site that encourages that bullshit. --jenniy

"I expect nothing in return."

That's really the thing that gets me about this one. I mean, sure, this is a pretty douchey message overall, but it's that one line that really pisses me off.

First, this girl has to deal with this message. Second, she has to actually meet up with this guy who is only interested in her because she has what he perceives to be a "beautiful rack." He obviously doesn't see her as a person with labels such as "rack." She's an object. A tit holder. Third, she has to strip down once she does meet this guy and let him latch onto one of her most intimate areas in a way that is likely going to be wholly creepy.

Nothing the fuck in return?

Dude, you're getting ALL THE BENEFITS.

All.

The.

Benefits.

She gets nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zip. This has absolutely nothing to do about her and what she wants.

So that one sentence "I expect nothing in return" is just a slap in the face in an otherwise mundane message, and it makes me want to track this guy down and beat him with a dildo. --jenniy

Finally!!!!

Finally, someone understands what women want.

That's right... what women really want is to see a video of a random stranger jerking off and jizzing all over his hands. There's nothing better. Seriously. That's all we've ever wanted.

Fuck conversation.

Who needs to know your name?

We would never want anything like, for instance, going out to dinner (splitting the bill).

Why bother having our own orgasms or even being touched?

It all boils down to seeing a strange dick flopping around on a poor quality video then gurgling on camera after 2 minutes tops of hand fucking.

It's the most fulfilling interaction one could ever possibly have with another human being.

Or maybe the men that ask these sorts of things need to stop watching so much porn that having a regular interaction with a woman is too much to fucking ask. --jenniy

I think we can all agree that when it comes to being on the Internet, there’s absolutely no way to know what everything’s about and a well-meaning hashtag can actually make you look like an idiot if you’re completely unaware of the background of said hashtag.

Take, for instance, this new #feloncrushfriday trend that took place after a mug shot of Jeremy Meeks was posted online. The Internet went crazy over how “hot” this man is and even went so far as to donate money to help out his family (for whatever purposes they need help for), and while I cannot at all knock anyone who finds an accused man attractive, I do think it largely ignores the fact that we have a very broken system and trivializes the fact that people really do need help, that public defenders rarely put in the effort needed to get someone a fair trial, that the prison system is highly biased against the poor, that the prison industry profits off the backs of the poor, and that ultimately, this system imprisons and kills innocent people. If you’re not aware of all that and use that hashtag, you just look like another asshat jumping on a trend that is altogether pretty sad.

That very same thing recently happened to Adam Richman of Man vs Food fame. Richman recently lost some weight and has made headlines promoting his new healthy lifestyle and showing off his much slimmer body. That’s great. He’s totally not a douche for that, and I sincerely congratulate him. 

In all my years of loving sex and meeting people online, I have never once looked at someone's photos and even so much as thought (much less typed that thought out in a message) "man i bet he (or she) can eat a pussy." What the fuck? What the fuck makes someone look at a photo of a complete stranger, make this observation, and then decide to pronounce it to that person before even saying hello? What kind of world do we live in where "man, i bet u give great blowjobs" passes for a greeting these days? One of the funny things about life is that some of the best looking people...some of the ones you are sure will be good in bed are really fucking terrible at it. That's like looking at someone and saying  "oh baby I bet you've read Moby Dick." You've kind of got a 50/50 shot at getting that right, and it really has nothing to do with looks.

Actually, I think I'm going to start opening with that line. --jenniy

It's not like I'm asking to be swept off my feet in one message. Truly. It takes time to get swept or whatever unless you're some of my facebook friends who fall in love every 2 weeks with a different person in a cycle of love and leave that seems impossible to be reality instead of a soap opera. But jesus fucking christ... "make" me want to fuck you? Thanks but no thanks. You're going to make me make you look like an ass for sending someone that kind of creepiness on my blog. That's all you're going to make me do.

Also, just an FYI and stuff..."gone" means not present. What I think you're looking for although I can't really be sure is "gonna" and then you'd need to at least change it to Ur if you insist on that asinine abbreviation bullshit.

--jenniy

I'm not sure why anyone would ever, ever think that was a compliment to himself, but apparently, this guy did. The last thing you want to compare yourself to is a natural disaster that lasts 30 seconds at most. Way to go, moron. You just ensured no one will ever want to fuck you.

Also, this one came to us from The Jaded Single. Check out her blog which combines dating and recipes. It's pretty awesome.

We almost had to name ourselves Douche of the Week again. After stating "if I never hear another Climax joke, it would be too soon" while sharing an earlier post from this week on my personal Facebook page, Ash and I proceeded, in fact, to make several more Climax jokes. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for us, though, there was a much more obvious choice.

Thanks, George Will, for taking the heat for us.

If you’re not the keen follower of rape culture news that I am, you may have missed the uproar about George Will’s column in the Washington Times this past week. If you didn’t catch it, here’s a recap: Good old George feels that the current examination by the White House of Title IX complaints of more than 50 campuses across the nation is unwarranted and a waste of time. The law itself encompasses equal treatment of the sexes on college campuses and specifically requires schools to thoroughly investigate rape and sexual assault claims. The schools under investigation have had complaints filed regarding the school’s handling (or often lack thereof) of sexual assault cases. George also feels that this epidemic of “sexual assault” (yes, he actually used condescending little quotation marks) is making real education impossible and is giving “victims” some sort of privileged status that comes with benefits and social recognition. It conveys that being a victim is something to be coveted, he says. It creates an environment where victims proliferate and the accused are the true victims as campuses cater to the mixture of “hormones, alcohol and the faux sophistication of today’s prolonged adolescence of especially privileged young adults” without regard for academia or due process.

The first thing to note here is that George Will has obviously never been raped. Anyone who had gone through the nightmares, the panic triggers, the crying, the shame, the unexplainable guilt, the loss of friends, the loss of happiness, the turmoil, the pain, and the suffering that comes from being sexually assaulted would never, ever be able to minimize what victims go through the way this asshat did. It’s not a fucking cakewalk. It isn’t as simple as getting drunk, banging, and the regretting it. When a woman says NO, she motherfucking means NO. When that isn’t respected and a man takes what he wants anyway even if she has said YES a thousand fucking times before, it is still rape. It is still a violation. And, yes oh yes she is still a victim.

There most certainly IS an epidemic of sexual assault across this entire country especially on college campuses but it has nothing to do with any benefits rape victims receive. It is most certainly because old, privileged white men like George Will—the people with truly coveted and benefited status--have no respect for women. They have no idea what it means to be afraid—to fear that every man you go on a date with will use force to get what he wants or worse. He has no idea what it’s like to be slapped in the face by rape scene after rape scene in movies, television, and books for entertainment value. And, he apparently has no idea that more times than not sexual assault is completely ignored or the victim is outright shamed for her behavior making it impossible to actually gain any of these fucking privileges he speaks of. Coveted status? If coveted means lower than dog shit on the dean's shoes, then oh yes, victim status is coveted. Men like him are the reason that rape culture in this country prevails because they deny. They deny the effects of rape, the culture of rape, and the very existence of rape. It doesn’t affect them personally at the end of the day (unless they happen to know someone who IS raped and even then, it’s not one of their own orifices) so why get all worked up over it?

As long as we have people who blame sexual assault on what a woman wears, where she was, what she had to drink, and whether or not she loved to have sex, we’re never going to see any changes in this very real epidemic. The blame is not on victims. It’s on the rapists—the people who feel entitled to take what they want from another person. We live in a culture where the shame and guilt are placed on the victim, where the victim has to answer for her actions and not the other way around. The guilt certainly should reside with rapists, but right there with them are their partners in crime--men like George Will who perpetuate this culture of violence through sheer, unadulterated, privileged fucking ignorance.
I'd say that the only way George Will will ever understand the experience of rape and what it puts you through...how it kills a part of you...is to be a victim himself, but having gone through that at 13 without a single fucking benefit to show for it, I wouldn't wish it on the biggest of douches--even him.

I *think* he means that he wants to jizz in her face, but it's hard to tell. Either way, it's not very classy. I mean, you open up with two possible options--jizz or a few punches in the face... This is what passes for a message on these sites at times. The bad thing is that Ash and I have been told more than once now that all we have to do is ignore messages like this and block the person. But, it's not just us, the admins, getting them. It's not just us that has felt dirty and ashamed and objectified because of them. It's not just us that thinks this has gone on far too long, and goddamnit, it's time we show what it's really like. These aren't just the half-wits and the socially challenged. These are people from all walks of life, all social classes and intelligence levels. I'm not down with making excuses for it, so here we are. No, you can't bust anything in my face, assholes. Go fuck yourselves. --jenniy

The only guarantee you can give me with a proposition like this is that I'll vomit in my mouth a little if you ever fucking message me again. Seriously, just because I live in a small village that happens to be named Climax does not mean I want to hear every tawdry, cheap, vile come-on that you guys can think of. And trust me...when I say I have heard them ALL I have fucking heard them ALL, ok?

Just so you know, "climax" has MORE THAN ONE MEANING. Google it. I dare you.

--jenniy

None of this is appropriate. Smother smaller girls? Really? So you open up with a comment on her size... And then you move on to using the phrase "big titted." Mature. You end with calling her a monster. 1 + 2+ 3 = you will never ever ever get fucking laid by anyone with half a goddamn brain nor should you ever deserve to you tiny-dicked jackass --jenniy

I think the beginning is supposed to say "god, you're cute" but who knows. All I know is that no woman ever wants to be compared to a frozen dessert. No one wants to be licked like ice cream...you gotta get more into it than that. And, no one wants to hear your pathetic attempts at sexting before you even share your name. Keep your tongue in your mouth and your dick in your pants and treat people with a little fucking respect. --jenniy