Showing posts with label douche of the week. Show all posts
Showing posts with label douche of the week. Show all posts
Saturday, September 27, 2014
It is 2014, people.
If you were to look around you, it might not seem like it especially if you have a vagina or identify as a woman, but it’s true. It’s 2014, but we still have “news” anchors who refer to females in combat as “boobs on the ground.”
Let me provide some background on this story for those who aren’t privy to it already. Earlier this week, Major Mariam Al Mansouri became the first female pilot of the United Arab Emirates to command an airstrike against Isis. That’s a huge accomplishment especially for Maj. Al Mansouri and really for women everywhere. It’s not the first time a female pilot has played a major role in the military. In fact, at least for the United States, female bomber pilots date back to WWII and in 1944, the U.S. Army Air Forces Commander went on record to state that women can fly as well as men.
Yet here we are in 2014 with Fox News anchors, Eric Bolling and Greg Gutfeld, making statements such as “problem is, after she bombed it, she couldn’t park it…” and “would that be considered boobs on the ground, or no?”
Both have since half-heartedly apologized for such statements but those really amount to nothing especially since Bolling admitted he was apologizing because it angered his wife.
Let me be the possibly millionth person to point out that earlier in the segment both men were discussing, heatedly, the fact that President Obama saluted an armed services member with a coffee cup in his hand. The biggest scandal this week is that our President, a known human being, forgot to switch his coffee cup into his other hand and saluted, awkwardly, with the fucking thing. And in doing so, he ignited so much conservative ire that these same two men were shouting into the camera about how these people put their lives on the line for their country and should be shown a little respect.
Let that sink in…
People in armed services should be shown a little respect and not be saluted, unintentionally, with a coffee cup in hand (but it was fine and dandy for President Bush to do so with a dog in his hand, let me add) but it is perfectly fine to then make fun of a female officer’s accomplishments by joking that she cannot park her jet and referring to her as boobs on the ground.
Apparently respect only extends to those individuals who aren’t women. Fuck the so-called fairer sex. Fuck us. When it comes to putting our lives on the line, it’s a big goddamn joke. Don’t let the President salute a man with a coffee cup in hand, but let’s make a big fucking mockery of a huge accomplishment by a female officer. Turn something remarkable and quite serious given Fox News’ apparent fear of ISIS into a laugh riot at her expense.
We don’t need feminism though. It’s time for women to realize that being a feminist isn’t going to get us the men we want. We’re creating this ‘war on women” all in our pretty little heads. We got what we wanted and now we’re just power hungry. We’re manhaters. It’s about hate not equality. Right??? Right?
I’ll believe that feminism isn’t necessary when in the same program, two asshats like Eric Bolling and Greg Gutfield aren’t screaming for respect for our troops then completely degrading a female officer. I’ll stop being a self-identified feminist when anchors on this same station stop blaming women for being raped. I’ll stop when they stop claiming that women don’t really want pay equality.
I’ll stop when I no longer get messages from men who tell me that it all evens out anyway because we can flash our tits and get a free drink whenever we want… When people no longer feel it necessary to send the types of messages I use to make DoucheArt… When men can get custody of their children instead of judges telling them that a child being with a “shitty” mother is better than being with their father… When it’s not a woman’s fault if her nude photos are leaked… When the pay gap closes for ALL women especially WOC who face a larger gap than their White counterparts… When being of child-bearing age is no longer a reason why we didn’t get the fucking job…
When there’s no longer a need for feminism, I’ll be the first to shed the label.
I pinky swear.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
We're linking up for Sunday Confessions this week at More Than Cheese and Beer. The prompt this week is... Regret.
One in four college women report surviving rape or attempted rape at some point in their lives. When I first read the story of Emma Sulkowicz, the Colombia University Senior who is carrying a mattress around as part of a project titled "Mattress Performance" or "Carry that Weight" after being raped on campus and forced to attend school with her rapist...I wanted her to be our first "Diamond of the Week".
Somehow, it seems wrong though. Nothing about the situation is wrong because of her, but it feels wrong to acknowledge someone for being brave, outspoken, and a survivor not only of rape but of a system that failed them.
Emma Sulkowicz is a smart, incredible woman and it saddens me that her creativity and intelligence are being dedicated to making a statement and a piece about being failed by the system.
It makes me wonder what our country and our world would be like if our brilliant and intelligent people were able to focus their talent, dedication, time, creativity and knowledge to something besides RAPE. All over the country, the world, there are women fighting rape by educating others, by working and volunteering in outreach and crisis centers, by educating themselves to be advocates not just for themselves but for women who aren't able to do it, in courtrooms, in hospitals, in classrooms, in offices. All that time spent fighting something that shouldn't have to be fought about anymore.
What would the world be like if all of the women who dedicated themselves to standing up to rape didn't have to anymore and could dedicate themselves to something else? What would they choose and how would it change things?
Emma Sulkowicz is brave. She has shared the details of what happened to her in her room... a place that is supposed to be intimate, personal and safe. She is walking around a campus carrying a mattress until someone does the right thing and she no longer has to attend school with the man who not only raped her but was accused of raping two other students.
Isn't Colombia University supposed to be a big deal? Aren't there supposed to be brilliant minds there? What don't they see? What don't they grasp?
As much as I wanted this to be our first Diamond of the Week post, it is sadly and regrettably also a Douche of the Week. Because without people like the administrative panel at Colombia that conducted the hearing into Emma Sulkowicz's case... this story wouldn't exist.
What kind of Douchebags puts "educated" people who clearly don't know anything about sexual assault, working with assault victims, or apparently body structure and function on a panel to review rape cases?
You fail, Colombia University. Seriously.
I hope when all is said and done, the administration comes to find out how wrong they are for handling so many cases the way they've been handled because it is really and truly disgusting. They should regret choosing to put people who clearly have no idea what they are doing on a panel to handle cases when they obviously know nothing about what and how things happen. It is unbelievable. And above all... I hope the people at Columbia who AREN'T doing the right thing eventually realize and regret forcing a young woman to have to endure and do what Emma Sulkowicz is having to do right now in order to get them to do the right thing.
Saturday, August 30, 2014
I hate to disappoint everyone who looks forward to the Douche of the Week, but we don't have one this week!
Starting next week, we'll be featuring either a Douchebag or a Diamond on our DOTW posts. We hope you enjoy and stay tuned. And as always... your submissions are appreciated!
DO NOT FEAR! There is no shortage of Douches in the World or in the lives of the DoucheArt Duo.
However, in light of recent events we've decided that we need to do more than just highlight the actions of the dickbags of the World. Without the dark, there is no light and we would be remiss if we didn't occasionally take a time out from highlighting what goes on in the dark corners of the Internet and online dating to acknowledge the truly great things people are doing in an attempt to try and make not just the Internet, but dating and the world in general a better place.
So now we bring you.... the "Diamond of the Week". The people who are out there confronting douchebags deserve just as much acknowledgement and recognition, if not more so, as the "people" we regularly feature on our site and we would like to do that.
So now we bring you.... the "Diamond of the Week". The people who are out there confronting douchebags deserve just as much acknowledgement and recognition, if not more so, as the "people" we regularly feature on our site and we would like to do that.
Starting next week, we'll be featuring either a Douchebag or a Diamond on our DOTW posts. We hope you enjoy and stay tuned. And as always... your submissions are appreciated!
Saturday, August 23, 2014
One of the most idiotic “news” stories I read this week, and there have been many, is the insistence by Fox News consultant Keith Ablow that Michelle Obama is too fat to promote health.
That’s right. A man who admits to needing to lose 5 lbs (hahahaha) has taken it upon himself to go on record as saying that the First Lady is a hypocrite for promoting health for kids because of her “apparent” weight control issues.
First of all, let’s set the record straight. Michelle Obama is, in no way, fat. She may not be model-
But, the bigger issue here is the ever-constant focus on appearance and the objectification of women. Women in science, professors, authors, politicians, potential candidates-all the people who are in positions in which physical appearance is not an aspect of their career—all have to deal with this sort of commentary. Female scientists with videos on youtube have to constantly deal with sexualized comments. And why? It’s not the same on channels like VSauce where men take on science. If you want to criticize a woman like Keith Ablow did this week on Fox, why start with her appearance? If he really wanted to take a shot at Michelle Obama, I’m sure there are plenty of other ways he could have gone about it. Journalism these days often consists of biased finger-pointing instead of actual news, so it’s not like the FLOTUS has been flying under anyone’s radar. But, fat? Really?? This is what we’ve resorted to as news? The problem is this inherent attitude by everyone, men and women alike, that women have to, for some reason, be pleasing to the eye. We’re supposed to be pretty or at least try to be pretty. If we’re in any sort of spotlight even if it’s not even of our own volition (her husband ran for office not her), the expectation is that we HAVE to meet the standards of beauty set forth by the norms of current society. Why? Why do women owe it to anyone to be beautiful? Why can’t we exist in the world as human beings without the requirement that we make ourselves “presentable?”
On top of that, without this douchebag being in touch with Michelle Obama’s physician and having personal insight into her medical history, he has no way to know if she is healthy or not just because he thinks she can lose a few pounds. The idea that you can look at someone and tell how healthy they are or are not is so fucking asinine it makes me want to scream. There are plenty of thin women who are far unhealthier than their curvy, fat, chunky, *insert whatever term you use here* counterparts.
YOU CANNOT TELL HEALTH BY LOOKING AT PHOTOS OF SOMEONE, YOU FUCKING IDIOTIC LUNATIC.
And one last question, if she weighed 500 lbs and decided to promote healthy eating, would she actually be a hypocrite? As long as she attempts to make healthier choices than processed, high sugary foods, doesn’t that eliminate any slight possibility that she’s a hypocrite? Unless we see photo after photo of her shoving Zebra cakes into her mouth, I think she’s good. See, as the first lady, she is under obligation to do anything at all whatsoever. She didn't sign up for the job as a politician; her husband did. She may be his wife, but that title does not come with the obligation to do any sort of political duties or care about the way things go. At all. We might not have a very positive image of her if that's the way she chose to approach it, but that's just the way it is. But, at least, she does choose to do something. At least, in a time when 1 in 7 families depends on food banks to make it through, she is ensuring that kids are at least eating healthy for the 1 or 2 meals a day they are guaranteed to get which is far more than I can say for Keith Ablow.
So, “Dr.” Ablow, I think you really shoved one of your fat, swollen feet into your mouth this time all the way up to your cankles. The best thing for you to do is get off FoxNews where you consider commentary on women’s appearances to be important journalism. We’re tired of the constant stream of blatant bigotry and idiocy coming out of your mouth. Get the fuck over yourself already.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
So many douches, so little time.
There’s another story this week, though, that garnered a good bit of attention—the abuse and assault of Christy Mack by her ex-boyfriend Jonathan Koppenhaver a.k.a War Machine, a 32 year old, welterweight MMA fighter.
As the story goes, last Friday, Koppenhaver showed up unannounced at Mack’s home last weekend. He found her in the company of a male friend. He beat this man and kicked him out of the house, but this wasn’t enough to satisfy his rage. He, then, turned his fists on his ex-girlfriend…and not for the first time. When she opened up about the attack later, she revealed that she had 18 broken bones in her face, a ruptured liver, broken ribs, broken and missing teeth, stab wounds and lacerations from a knife used in the attack, and countless horrible bruises as revealed by the pictures she bravely shared. This was in addition to “War Machine” forcing her to strip naked and shower in front of him, attempting to rape her, and cutting off most of her hair.
Mack managed to run away from the attack and sought help at a neighbor’s. If she hadn’t, chances are she would be dead right now. According to her story, she ran from the house after the first knife broke while “War Machine” was searching, she assumed, for another one in her kitchen.
The obvious douche here is this supposed “fighter” who is a repeated domestic abuser. This is not the first time he has beaten Mack though the severity of this was much worse than his typical rage-fueled violent attacks. This is a man whose body is toned and honed specifically for fighting and who is trained for the sole purpose of beating the shit out of people. To turn around and use those “skills” on someone who he says he was going to ask to marry him is perhaps one of the douchiest things a person can do…
Christy Mack is a fucking human being. The End. I’m tired of seeing “porn star Christy Mack” in headlines as if the only thing that matters about this woman is what she did for a living. She was abused as a woman outside of her career by someone who supposedly loves/loved her. Her career choice is in no way an open invitation for men to beat her nearly to death. Her job is not equivalent with abuse. She is in no way less of a human being or less of a woman for having chose the type of work that she has.
If she were a “regular” actress, a Scarlet Johansen or Emma Watson, would she still be getting the blame that she is right now? She’d be getting some because that’s the nature of the world we live in, unfortunately. Victims of domestic abuse always shoulder the blame despite having zero culpability in these attacks, but it wouldn’t be to this degree. Of that, I have no doubt.
If, instead of beating a former lover, “War Machine” got into a fight and almost beat a male porn star to death in a bar, would we care about the fact that he was a porn star? Not a fucking chance.
If “War Machine” had beaten and nearly killed his dog, would anyone blame the dog? Certainly not. So, why do dogs get more respect than a woman who decided on her own volition to take a job in the adult film industry? Why is it that porn is perfectly fine when you’re jacking your dicks to it but all of a sudden it’s something vile and loathsome when it comes to humanizing the people who make your fap material?
It’s a fucked up world when the only way a huge segment of our population can get off is to see the women they get off to as less than human and undeserving of respect. It translates directly into the social inequality problems we see between men and women in modern society and contributes to the kind of victim-blaming, slut shaming, entitled mentality that seems so prevalent right now.
So, to anyone reading this who thinks that this woman deserved what happened to her because of her career choice, to anyone who thinks that she deserves to be treated like anything less than human, to those who think that she somehow asked for this by being in adult films, let me make things clear. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE THE VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. EVER. Get it straight. No one deserves to be hurt, maimed, injured, raped, or killed because their career is something you think they should be ashamed of.
Mack managed to run away from the attack and sought help at a neighbor’s. If she hadn’t, chances are she would be dead right now. According to her story, she ran from the house after the first knife broke while “War Machine” was searching, she assumed, for another one in her kitchen.
The obvious douche here is this supposed “fighter” who is a repeated domestic abuser. This is not the first time he has beaten Mack though the severity of this was much worse than his typical rage-fueled violent attacks. This is a man whose body is toned and honed specifically for fighting and who is trained for the sole purpose of beating the shit out of people. To turn around and use those “skills” on someone who he says he was going to ask to marry him is perhaps one of the douchiest things a person can do…
There’s an even bigger douche in this story, though. That may come as quite a shock because you have to
wonder who could possibly be a bigger douche than a man who could do this to a woman’s face and be so nonchalant about it still tweeting about being hungry and “the truth coming out” while in hiding.
There IS a truth that needs airing. That’s why the Douche of the Week this week is you, Interneters. Not all of you certainly, but many of you. There has been quite a buildup of interest in this case over the last week especially after details of Christy Mack’s injuries were released and Dog the Bounty Hunter decided to get involved in the matter. Much of that interest has taken the form of laying blame and shaming Christy Mack for being a porn star/former porn star.
There have been tweets declaring she left herself open for abuse by being an adult film star. Attacks on her character, jokes about finally landing a role that she couldn’t handle, rape jokes, gang bang jokes, and tweets about it being “certain” types of women who fall for abusive men have all been circulating online. It’s sickening.
There IS a truth that needs airing. That’s why the Douche of the Week this week is you, Interneters. Not all of you certainly, but many of you. There has been quite a buildup of interest in this case over the last week especially after details of Christy Mack’s injuries were released and Dog the Bounty Hunter decided to get involved in the matter. Much of that interest has taken the form of laying blame and shaming Christy Mack for being a porn star/former porn star.
There have been tweets declaring she left herself open for abuse by being an adult film star. Attacks on her character, jokes about finally landing a role that she couldn’t handle, rape jokes, gang bang jokes, and tweets about it being “certain” types of women who fall for abusive men have all been circulating online. It’s sickening.
Christy Mack is a fucking human being. The End. I’m tired of seeing “porn star Christy Mack” in headlines as if the only thing that matters about this woman is what she did for a living. She was abused as a woman outside of her career by someone who supposedly loves/loved her. Her career choice is in no way an open invitation for men to beat her nearly to death. Her job is not equivalent with abuse. She is in no way less of a human being or less of a woman for having chose the type of work that she has.
If she were a “regular” actress, a Scarlet Johansen or Emma Watson, would she still be getting the blame that she is right now? She’d be getting some because that’s the nature of the world we live in, unfortunately. Victims of domestic abuse always shoulder the blame despite having zero culpability in these attacks, but it wouldn’t be to this degree. Of that, I have no doubt.
If, instead of beating a former lover, “War Machine” got into a fight and almost beat a male porn star to death in a bar, would we care about the fact that he was a porn star? Not a fucking chance.
If “War Machine” had beaten and nearly killed his dog, would anyone blame the dog? Certainly not. So, why do dogs get more respect than a woman who decided on her own volition to take a job in the adult film industry? Why is it that porn is perfectly fine when you’re jacking your dicks to it but all of a sudden it’s something vile and loathsome when it comes to humanizing the people who make your fap material?
It’s a fucked up world when the only way a huge segment of our population can get off is to see the women they get off to as less than human and undeserving of respect. It translates directly into the social inequality problems we see between men and women in modern society and contributes to the kind of victim-blaming, slut shaming, entitled mentality that seems so prevalent right now.
So, to anyone reading this who thinks that this woman deserved what happened to her because of her career choice, to anyone who thinks that she deserves to be treated like anything less than human, to those who think that she somehow asked for this by being in adult films, let me make things clear. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE THE VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. EVER. Get it straight. No one deserves to be hurt, maimed, injured, raped, or killed because their career is something you think they should be ashamed of.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Here at DoucheArt, we often get suggestions as to where we might find men because it seems that this online dating thing isn't working out or proving to be successful for either one of us. In fact, it has been not only suggested but downright recommended (by a man no less) that we experience the freedom of anonymous sex via Craigslist ads. Perhaps he doesn't really read our blog or he would know that neither one of us is experiencing a shortage of men inviting us to sit on their face, let them come over, or take one in the face. The fact of the matter is, if we wanted sex with a stranger we could find it doing exactly what we are doing now. We choose not to.
Quite frankly, I'm amazed that someone could meet someone on Craigslist for anything whether it be a long term relationship or a quickie. The sheer number of outright weird responses I got trying to sell something not long ago was enough to scare me away from selling anything on Craigslist, much less trying to give something like blow jobs or sex away.
We don't judge here at DoucheArt, but I think I can speak for both of us when I say that Jenniy and I just aren't interested in finding someone on Craigslist. If you are interested in meeting people using the popular site, however, please be safe because this week's Douche of the Week only proves that Safe Sex really is a necessity, not an option.
Meet 36 year old, married, Oklahoma City resident Martin Kraham. Kraham has been posting ads on Craigslist in the Personals Section looking for men, women, couples, transsexuals, and crossdressers in both Oklahoma and Colorado since 2008. According to reports, investigators have gathered information showing that Kraham has posted 695 personals ads seeking sex on the site in the last six and a half years. Martin Kraham is also HIV+. and has been aware of it since 2007. His former partners, however, are only becoming aware of it now.
While reports have yet to fully detail the exact nature of the relationships Kraham was having with the women who have reported him to authorities (not that it matters, but I would be interested to know if this was risky sexual behavior on both sides, or if the women Kraham was meeting believed they were meeting someone who was interested in a relationship), they all sound the same for the most part: They met him on Craigslist. They initially used condoms until he asked to go without. Kraham told them he was clean and got tested regularly. They took his word for it. They later found out that he was, in fact, HIV positive.
While the women who have come forward have not tested positive for the virus, it is impossible to know how many people have been exposed by Kraham. One victim suggested that she knew of 6 people who had sexual contact with Kraham, but suspected it could perhaps be hundreds, maybe even hundreds per year. Kraham was arrested this week and faces two counts each of Knowingly Engaging in Conduct Likely to Transfer HIV and Using Access to Computers to Violate Oklahoma State Statute.
It pains me to know that there are people like this in the world. People who do things like this to other people, and for what? But most importantly, why?
Not that it would make a damn bit of difference to me, but I'd like to know what Mr. Kraham's reasons are for doing such a thing. Perhaps he struggled to deal with his own diagnosis, but that is no excuse for exposing hundreds of other people. Clearly, he acknowledged the seriousness of his HIV+ status as his wife claims to have known about it all along.
Speaking of Kraham's wife...she is standing by him because she claims he was honest with her about his HIV+ status from the very beginning of their relationship. They have been married for more than a year, and dated for five years before getting married. In other words, while Kraham was honest with the woman who became his wife about his HIV+ status, he's been soliciting anonymous sex online for their entire relationship. I can't help but wonder what kind of fucked up person stays with someone and says they'll be fighting criminal charges and civil suits side by side with their husband who did what Martin Kraham did.
While Martin Kraham is a scumbag, piece of shit liar, he is not the only responsible party. Every person he hooked up with made the decision to have unprotected sex with someone they met on the internet based solely on their words. Anyone can claim to be disease free, but there isn't really any way of knowing without having a monogamous relationship for over 90 days and getting tested together before having unprotected sex. That's the reality. I'm not blaming the victims, however... there were two responsible parties involved (or more, for that matter) that made the irresponsible decision to go bareback.
Kraham might be the devil. It is impossible to say how many lives he has negatively impacted, possibly ruined either from actually transmitting the virus to them or just giving them the scare of their life. The fact of the matter is that there is still not cure for HIV or AIDS. While there are 31 different kinds of antiretroviral treatments, in 2012 the cost for those treatments was between $2,000-5,000 PER MONTH.
It is impossible to say how many people Kraham engaged in risky sexual behavior with who later went on to engage in more risky sexual behavior with others. While Kraham's behavior is disgusting, appalling and downright terrifying, what is even more frightening to me is just how many people willingly agreed to have risky sex with a stranger. Again, I'm not trying to blame the victims, but I can't help but think that we should have reached a point in our world where we know about things like STDs, STIs, crotch critters, and HIV. The information is out there and so is the preventative.
Condoms save lives. Please Use Them. My confession this week? It scares me how many people aren't and how many people are choosing not to be sexually responsible. - Ash
We're hooking this post up for Sunday Confessions @ More Than Cheese and Beer. Stop by and check out the other great posts today.
Quite frankly, I'm amazed that someone could meet someone on Craigslist for anything whether it be a long term relationship or a quickie. The sheer number of outright weird responses I got trying to sell something not long ago was enough to scare me away from selling anything on Craigslist, much less trying to give something like blow jobs or sex away.
We don't judge here at DoucheArt, but I think I can speak for both of us when I say that Jenniy and I just aren't interested in finding someone on Craigslist. If you are interested in meeting people using the popular site, however, please be safe because this week's Douche of the Week only proves that Safe Sex really is a necessity, not an option.
Meet 36 year old, married, Oklahoma City resident Martin Kraham. Kraham has been posting ads on Craigslist in the Personals Section looking for men, women, couples, transsexuals, and crossdressers in both Oklahoma and Colorado since 2008. According to reports, investigators have gathered information showing that Kraham has posted 695 personals ads seeking sex on the site in the last six and a half years. Martin Kraham is also HIV+. and has been aware of it since 2007. His former partners, however, are only becoming aware of it now.While reports have yet to fully detail the exact nature of the relationships Kraham was having with the women who have reported him to authorities (not that it matters, but I would be interested to know if this was risky sexual behavior on both sides, or if the women Kraham was meeting believed they were meeting someone who was interested in a relationship), they all sound the same for the most part: They met him on Craigslist. They initially used condoms until he asked to go without. Kraham told them he was clean and got tested regularly. They took his word for it. They later found out that he was, in fact, HIV positive.
While the women who have come forward have not tested positive for the virus, it is impossible to know how many people have been exposed by Kraham. One victim suggested that she knew of 6 people who had sexual contact with Kraham, but suspected it could perhaps be hundreds, maybe even hundreds per year. Kraham was arrested this week and faces two counts each of Knowingly Engaging in Conduct Likely to Transfer HIV and Using Access to Computers to Violate Oklahoma State Statute.
It pains me to know that there are people like this in the world. People who do things like this to other people, and for what? But most importantly, why?
Not that it would make a damn bit of difference to me, but I'd like to know what Mr. Kraham's reasons are for doing such a thing. Perhaps he struggled to deal with his own diagnosis, but that is no excuse for exposing hundreds of other people. Clearly, he acknowledged the seriousness of his HIV+ status as his wife claims to have known about it all along.
Speaking of Kraham's wife...she is standing by him because she claims he was honest with her about his HIV+ status from the very beginning of their relationship. They have been married for more than a year, and dated for five years before getting married. In other words, while Kraham was honest with the woman who became his wife about his HIV+ status, he's been soliciting anonymous sex online for their entire relationship. I can't help but wonder what kind of fucked up person stays with someone and says they'll be fighting criminal charges and civil suits side by side with their husband who did what Martin Kraham did.
While Martin Kraham is a scumbag, piece of shit liar, he is not the only responsible party. Every person he hooked up with made the decision to have unprotected sex with someone they met on the internet based solely on their words. Anyone can claim to be disease free, but there isn't really any way of knowing without having a monogamous relationship for over 90 days and getting tested together before having unprotected sex. That's the reality. I'm not blaming the victims, however... there were two responsible parties involved (or more, for that matter) that made the irresponsible decision to go bareback.
Kraham might be the devil. It is impossible to say how many lives he has negatively impacted, possibly ruined either from actually transmitting the virus to them or just giving them the scare of their life. The fact of the matter is that there is still not cure for HIV or AIDS. While there are 31 different kinds of antiretroviral treatments, in 2012 the cost for those treatments was between $2,000-5,000 PER MONTH.
It is impossible to say how many people Kraham engaged in risky sexual behavior with who later went on to engage in more risky sexual behavior with others. While Kraham's behavior is disgusting, appalling and downright terrifying, what is even more frightening to me is just how many people willingly agreed to have risky sex with a stranger. Again, I'm not trying to blame the victims, but I can't help but think that we should have reached a point in our world where we know about things like STDs, STIs, crotch critters, and HIV. The information is out there and so is the preventative.
We're hooking this post up for Sunday Confessions @ More Than Cheese and Beer. Stop by and check out the other great posts today.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
It was the slap heard by Country Music Fans everywhere.
I am of course talking about Tim McGraw "bitch slapping" fan Jesslyn Taylor at a concert in Atlanta early in July. I'm bringing it up now because video has been released.
If you haven't heard the story yet... basically, Tim was performing at a venue in Atlanta when he went down on a lower level to high five fans in the front row. This is where the details get muddled... but original reports stated that a fan was slapping his butt, grabbing at his groin and eventually ripped his already torn jeans before he turned around and slapped her. The woman was removed by security and Atlanta Police opted not to pursue the matter as they found his reaction "reasonable".
So, who is the douche... Mr. McGraw or Jesslyn Taylor?
What I'm going to say is going to sound pretty Stephen Smith-esque; when I first heard the story the version I heard was that the fan (Jesslyn) had reached up and grabbed him in the crotch and while I did not agree with the fact that he hit her, I felt that Tim McGraw deserves to live free of sexual assault as much as anyone else and so I was on "his side".
When I heard she was pursuing a settlement and legal action based on the ground of being assaulted, I rolled my eyes a little. Then I saw the film of the slap.
I am of course talking about Tim McGraw "bitch slapping" fan Jesslyn Taylor at a concert in Atlanta early in July. I'm bringing it up now because video has been released.
Jesslyn Taylor
If you haven't heard the story yet... basically, Tim was performing at a venue in Atlanta when he went down on a lower level to high five fans in the front row. This is where the details get muddled... but original reports stated that a fan was slapping his butt, grabbing at his groin and eventually ripped his already torn jeans before he turned around and slapped her. The woman was removed by security and Atlanta Police opted not to pursue the matter as they found his reaction "reasonable".
So, who is the douche... Mr. McGraw or Jesslyn Taylor?
What I'm going to say is going to sound pretty Stephen Smith-esque; when I first heard the story the version I heard was that the fan (Jesslyn) had reached up and grabbed him in the crotch and while I did not agree with the fact that he hit her, I felt that Tim McGraw deserves to live free of sexual assault as much as anyone else and so I was on "his side".
When I heard she was pursuing a settlement and legal action based on the ground of being assaulted, I rolled my eyes a little. Then I saw the film of the slap.
Tim McGraw -- Bitch Slaps Female Fan
Which brings me to our first Double Douche of the Week...because both Tim McGraw and Jesslyn Taylor acted douchey.
Performers of any kind deserve to be able to perform, live, and do anything they want without being subject to sexual harassment and assault. Just because they live so much of their life in public does not mean they do not have any rights to their own space, privacy or their own bodies. The way some people act around celebrities is disgusting... celebrities (music stars, actors, atheletes) do not owe fans anything other than gratitude (no celebrity becomes a celebrity without fans) and the same respect that should be given to any human being.
The videos show a woman repeatedly slapping Mr. McGraw on the butt, grabbing at his legs, and then tearing his jeans... that is beyond inappropriate. It's been said that Jesslyn Taylor just wanted to "touch her hero". That's fucking disgusting. If you want to reach out and "touch your hero" you do it with some goddamn respect and don't hinder his performance and assault him in front of thousands of people; Treat him like a "hero" and not a sexual object who should be subjected to your behavior. There is no reason or justification for reaching out and touching someone that way and what Jesslyn Taylor did was sexually harass and assault someone in a crowd of people, damage his property (already ripped or not, she had no fucking right) and create a situation that was uncomfortable for many people. She was a fucking douche in the extreme.
Don't get me wrong though... Tim McGraw isn't any fucking better. He's just as big of a douche in this situation. Even one of People's Sexiest Men Alive deserves to be able to perform without being sexually harassed and assaulted. Had he stopped at swatting away her hand or had he slapped her hand away more forcefully than he did... I would still be in his corner. But watching him turn around, pull back and wallop her... it was a pretty shocking image and seeing how smoothly it happened makes me genuinely wonder if this was the first time he's ever pulled back and slapped a woman like that. We've said it here before, and I'll say it again in this situation, while I realize that celebrities are people too... when you make a choice to live a publicized life as a "hero" and "role-model" you have a responsibility and an obligation of sorts to act worthy of such titles, and McGraw failed in this.
At the end of the day... they both acted inappropriately. And while Jesslyn Taylor was the first to be inappropriate, Tim McGraw reacted in a way that was over the top and inappropriate as well. The whole situation is douchey. Jesslyn Taylor needs to get a fucking clue about how to be a fan and not an aggressive fanatic... and this noise about suing for being humiliated... well, suck it up Buttercup, because you should be embarrassed of your actions. Jesslyn Taylor doesn't deserve a goddamn thing after the way she acted especially not in terms of a settlement. And Tim McGraw... well, Jesslyn Taylor was the inappropriate aggressor, but I don't feel that reacting with such violence was McGraw's only option. There has been a huge argument that if the star involved had been a female, and the aggressor a man... there would be a totally different reaction, possibly even cheering. I'm struggling because I feel that no one should get to hit another person and have it be "ok", but the fact of the matter is... there IS a difference between a woman hitting a man and a man hitting a woman. Both are totally inappropriate on many levels and while both of us here at DoucheArt would like to see men and women as equals, we'd be fools to think that means there are no differences between genders (when talking about cisgender men and women). Men are typically physically stronger and come with a hell of a lot more societal power. The powerful using brute force to keep those under him in line is always going to be more offensive, less acceptable.
It is grossly apparent that something needs to change about attitudes towards performers and celebrities... especially when fans feel it is appropriate and warranted to assault and sexually assault performers. But at the end of the day, both Jesslyn Taylor and Tim McGraw are both guilty of being the douche in this situation. Either way, I see two people who need to learn to keep their hands to themselves.
-- Hot Ash
Which brings me to our first Double Douche of the Week...because both Tim McGraw and Jesslyn Taylor acted douchey.
Performers of any kind deserve to be able to perform, live, and do anything they want without being subject to sexual harassment and assault. Just because they live so much of their life in public does not mean they do not have any rights to their own space, privacy or their own bodies. The way some people act around celebrities is disgusting... celebrities (music stars, actors, atheletes) do not owe fans anything other than gratitude (no celebrity becomes a celebrity without fans) and the same respect that should be given to any human being.
The videos show a woman repeatedly slapping Mr. McGraw on the butt, grabbing at his legs, and then tearing his jeans... that is beyond inappropriate. It's been said that Jesslyn Taylor just wanted to "touch her hero". That's fucking disgusting. If you want to reach out and "touch your hero" you do it with some goddamn respect and don't hinder his performance and assault him in front of thousands of people; Treat him like a "hero" and not a sexual object who should be subjected to your behavior. There is no reason or justification for reaching out and touching someone that way and what Jesslyn Taylor did was sexually harass and assault someone in a crowd of people, damage his property (already ripped or not, she had no fucking right) and create a situation that was uncomfortable for many people. She was a fucking douche in the extreme.
Tim McGraw
Don't get me wrong though... Tim McGraw isn't any fucking better. He's just as big of a douche in this situation. Even one of People's Sexiest Men Alive deserves to be able to perform without being sexually harassed and assaulted. Had he stopped at swatting away her hand or had he slapped her hand away more forcefully than he did... I would still be in his corner. But watching him turn around, pull back and wallop her... it was a pretty shocking image and seeing how smoothly it happened makes me genuinely wonder if this was the first time he's ever pulled back and slapped a woman like that. We've said it here before, and I'll say it again in this situation, while I realize that celebrities are people too... when you make a choice to live a publicized life as a "hero" and "role-model" you have a responsibility and an obligation of sorts to act worthy of such titles, and McGraw failed in this.
At the end of the day... they both acted inappropriately. And while Jesslyn Taylor was the first to be inappropriate, Tim McGraw reacted in a way that was over the top and inappropriate as well. The whole situation is douchey. Jesslyn Taylor needs to get a fucking clue about how to be a fan and not an aggressive fanatic... and this noise about suing for being humiliated... well, suck it up Buttercup, because you should be embarrassed of your actions. Jesslyn Taylor doesn't deserve a goddamn thing after the way she acted especially not in terms of a settlement. And Tim McGraw... well, Jesslyn Taylor was the inappropriate aggressor, but I don't feel that reacting with such violence was McGraw's only option. There has been a huge argument that if the star involved had been a female, and the aggressor a man... there would be a totally different reaction, possibly even cheering. I'm struggling because I feel that no one should get to hit another person and have it be "ok", but the fact of the matter is... there IS a difference between a woman hitting a man and a man hitting a woman. Both are totally inappropriate on many levels and while both of us here at DoucheArt would like to see men and women as equals, we'd be fools to think that means there are no differences between genders (when talking about cisgender men and women). Men are typically physically stronger and come with a hell of a lot more societal power. The powerful using brute force to keep those under him in line is always going to be more offensive, less acceptable.
It is grossly apparent that something needs to change about attitudes towards performers and celebrities... especially when fans feel it is appropriate and warranted to assault and sexually assault performers. But at the end of the day, both Jesslyn Taylor and Tim McGraw are both guilty of being the douche in this situation. Either way, I see two people who need to learn to keep their hands to themselves.
-- Hot Ash
Saturday, July 26, 2014
You know that saying Go Big or Go Home? Well, that’s us here at DoucheArt this week. We’ve decided to take on the entire fucking NFL for Douche of the Week.
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| Robert Goodell, NFL Commisioner |
Unless you’ve been away from the Internet for the last several days, you may have seen stories about Ray
Action by the NFL was not taken until just this week, however. The commissioner for the NFL, Roger Goodall, let Rice know that this behavior was not acceptable by the organization’s standards and as punishment he would be suspended for….2 games.
Two. Fucking. Off Season. Games.
This is establishing (and honestly reinforcing) a precedent that says violence against women is not a big fucking deal. Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon was suspended for an entire season for testing positive for marijuana more than once. Justin Blackmon, wide receiver for the Jackson Jaguars, has been suspended indefinitely for marijuana charges. Robert Mathis, an offensive linebacker for the Indianapolis Colts was suspended for 4 games for taking a fertility drug that wasn’t on an approved list. And perhaps even most telling is the fact that Daryl Washington of the Arizona Cardinals was suspended for the entire season for drug-related charges but has received NO punishment (yet at least) for an aggravated assault charge against the mother of his child whom he shoved so hard she suffered a broken clavicle. Every single player that has been suspended this year has been suspended for more games than Rice and all for substance abuse. That’s 15 other players with twice as many suspended games at the very least.
When managers and other players have been asked for commentary, most end up citing something along the lines of there being two sides to every story as if there is ever any reason that a 212 lb running back needs to punch his significant other in the face much less in the face hard enough to knock her out. Even sportscasters have joined in on this type of victim-blaming. ESPN anchor Steven Smith stated earlier in the week that there was never any excuse for a man hitting a woman but that women should remember to be more careful and not provoke such an attack. Here we are again putting all the responsibility on women not to provoke someone to hurt us, not to ask someone to hit us who is irrational, prone to anger, and unpredictable. Yeah, that’s really something *we* have shared responsibility in, right?
The NFL is the body that should have more of the “shared” responsibility to do more to handle domestic violence issues. These are players who get paid millions of dollars per season. In fact, this season Ray Rice will rake in $8,750,000 (before the missed games are factored in) far more than any teacher, police officer, firefighter, or even a US soldier. Baltimore police officers make a paltry $46,669 in comparison… And while it’s not the government who pays football players directly, it says a lot about what is valued more in this country that we’re fine with men getting paid multitudes more to throw around a football for our entertainment than the men and women who throw on a uniform and are ready to lay their lives on the line to protect this country and its citizens. And we’re fine with those entertainers being spouse abusers, rapists, drunk drivers, and all-around dickholes. Why don’t we expect more from these men who we value more than our own fucking soldiers?
These are players who are role models and heroes to young children and teens. We celebrate their victories like they’re our victories. We wear their jerseys. We worship them in front of the television on Sundays like they’re disciples of a pigskin religion preaching the word of God in tight uniforms and shoulder pads. Yet, we don’t expect them to be better examples to our children? We don’t say wait a fucking minute the least you could do is not hit your fiancés or sexually assault your fans (also here)?
To condone this kind of behavior with slap-on-the-wrist punishments that are far more lenient than those handed out for marijuana charges—a drug well on its way to legalization and/or decriminalization across the country—and by victim-blaming to lessen, somehow, the seriousness of the offenses committed by their players, the NFL is saying domestic violence really isn’t something they’re concerned about… They’re much more worried about whether their players look like pot heads than wife beaters. Their precedent for handling these cases says, in a nutshell: Try not to hit your wife or girlfriend unless they deserve it, don’t leave behind incriminating evidence if a date asks for it, and damn well make sure you don’t get busted with pot. We have an image to uphold and all.
It’s not enough. It’s not enough to say that smoking a few joints is a bigger issue than domestic violence which is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. The NFL is perpetuating a culture of violence against women while continually raking in billions of dollars in profits each and every year ($10 billion at least projected for this year alone). The NFL player suspension system is obviously broken. You would think that making that much money in a year would enable an organization to be a bit more responsible for its players and hold them accountable for their bullshit behaviors. We’re living in a society that demands harsher punishments for children and blames lax parenting for the state of younger generations yet here we are letting the NFL be a completely negligent authority figure and still contributing to their bank account. It would be like handing money over to your neighbor after you saw their kid punch another kid at the park while they stood on the sidelines saying “oh honey don’t do that again, ok?”
Fuck that. Fuck this idiotic notion that women are responsible for their own victimization while the people who perpetrate the crimes share so little of the responsibility. It’s time for change and for us to demand more from these institutions and the players themselves.
The NFL claims women make up 50% of their fan base. While some might scoff at that number, we wonder how much of the NFL's merchandise sales is made by that 50% and what it might look like if women quit supporting an organization that fails them at every turn. Perhaps seeing just how much women really support the organization might change some minds if that 50% stopped showing its loyalty by buying tickets and merchandise and by watching.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
This week we have a different kind of Douche of the Week. One that is particularly reprehensible to me because of the nature of her offenses which affect not only her but countless other victims.
In December 2013, a woman named Joanie Faircloth made accusations against Bright Eyes frontman Conor Oberst in the comments of an article posted on XOJane.com. The accusations first appeared in the comments, and again later on a now-deleted Tumblr account, that Oberst raped her after a show in 2003 when she was 16 years old. She later made claims that she was offered money to keep quiet about the rape.
The other day I got into a conversation that I should not have gotten into. I made a statement about Rape Culture and found myself arguing with a woman who lives in a closet about the fact that it does, in fact, exist. A woman who looked me in the face and told me that her boys were told in high school that they needed to be careful not to be left alone with girls because "they can say anything they want", which she repeated was a true fact. The fact that boys can do the same thing apparently never crossed her mind. There are multiple details I'm leaving out of this, personal details about the individual with which I had this conversation, but she is really not in any position to discuss anything that is going on in this country or the World as she lives in a bubble. A bubble that perpetuates rape culture based on the fact that it never happened to her, and she doesn't believe her children are capable of doing so. She also doesn't believe that one in 4 women is a victim of sexual assault. How nice for you, dear, to live in such a world but your perception is not a reality.
Which brings me to where we are now...
Reading the news story, including the claims that were made, I don't want to believe that she made it up. I want to have sympathy for Joanie Faircloth. It appears she apparently has a very ill son. There is something inside of me that wants to believe that maybe with her sick son... the bills and the desperation reached a point where the amount of hush money was being offered was enough to pay off some of the bills being accrued due to her son's autism and kidney disease. I want to think that maybe she would rather be nationally branded as a liar while the medical bills are quietly being paid. I want to think that maybe she's sacrificing her character and reputation for the sake of her son.
Sadly, I mostly just think perhaps Joanie Faircloth just has some serious issues. And while maybe I should take the route of compassion, as I have no idea what it is like to have an incredibly ill son and maybe this was some kind of cry for help from Joanie who must be struggling with complex feelings and emotions I don't have any way of understanding... I'd be lying if I said that I didn't also seriously wonder if her son's illness isn't yet another fabrication, or even worse Munchausen by proxy syndrome. But I'm just so incredibly angry.
So, Joanie... fuck you. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself for so many reasons. You are perpetuating the perpetuation of "the girl who cried rape". And for that FUCK YOU. Your story only gives credit to the weak minded people who don't believe that ONE IN FOUR college women has reported being a survivor or rape of attempted rape since their 14th birthday. Your bullshit undermines every sexual assault, and completely reinforces the ass backwards thinking of an entire country that doesn't do near enough for it's victims and contributes to the reason why 60% of rapes go unreported. Seeing as you aren't actually a victim, you have no idea what it is like to try and tell someone what happened to you only to have someone try and cover it up or tell you that you made it up or make you feel ashamed for what you wore, what you drank, how you acted, who you hung out with, who you slept with before or where you went.
You're almost just as guilty as the fucking rapists. You might not be there ignoring pleas to stop. You might not be there taking advantage of someone who is so inebriated they don't know where they are. You might not be a sick bystander who takes pictures and posts them online instead of helping someone as their being victimized. You might not know the victims or have anything to do with what actually happens to them, including the cover-ups and the victim blaming. But... you come up. You're a part of it every fucking time someone says "Girls lie. They can say whatever they want". You're a part of Steubenville, you're a part of the Maryland Rape case involving Daisy Coleman, and you're a part of Jada's Sexual Assault case.
Think about that. Think about what happened to those girls. And part of the reason they weren't taken seriously, didn't get help from police and authorities, were mocked and degraded and embarrassed and humiliated online by millions of commenters... is because of fucking bitches like you.
I'm sure someone out there thinks I'm being cruel in light of your situation. I think you're not just undermining sexual assault victims, you're disrespecting every parent dealing with a sick child who gives up everything to be with them, who stays up late in hospital rooms listening to labored breathing, who hugs their child before surgery not knowing if it is the last time they'll see them alive, who watches their pre-teen struggle with incontinence, who holds their child in bed praying for one more night or for peace or for their health, who knows their son will never drive or play football, who carries their teenager into the shower, who struggles to pay bills and yet still finds a way to cope, finds a way to deal with the pain of that without resorting to accusing an innocent man of rape. The reason children's hospitals exist is because there are so many sick children... have you ever looked around you at the people who are somehow finding a way to cope without resorting to attempting to ruin another person's life? While I don't know your exact situation and I don't know what that feels like, I know there are so many parents in worse situations... and yet somehow those people are still trying to find a way to be good people, to be examples for their child and for their other children, striving to be good people and embrace blessings and be blessings to others through their pain and not inflicting more pain on others.
You should be ashamed of yourself. I have so much more I want to say. I want to scream. I want to call you names. I want to tell you exactly what I think of you. I want to tell you, most of all, that you make me feel ashamed... if only because of the fact that we have something in common: our genitals.
- Ash
In December 2013, a woman named Joanie Faircloth made accusations against Bright Eyes frontman Conor Oberst in the comments of an article posted on XOJane.com. The accusations first appeared in the comments, and again later on a now-deleted Tumblr account, that Oberst raped her after a show in 2003 when she was 16 years old. She later made claims that she was offered money to keep quiet about the rape.
A photo from Joanie Faircloth's Facebook page
This past Monday, Joanie recanted all of her claims, in a statement which read:
The statements I made and repeated online and elsewhere over the past six months accusing Conor Oberst of raping me are 100% false. I made up those lies about him to get attention while I was going through a difficult period in my life and trying to cope with my son’s illness. I publicly retract my statements about Conor Oberst, and sincerely apologize to him, his family, and his fans for writing such awful things about him. I realize that my actions were wrong and could undermine the claims of actual sexual assault victims and for that I also apologize. I’m truly sorry for all the pain that I caused. - Spin.comSo many thoughts. I'm so angry that I don't even know where to start.
The other day I got into a conversation that I should not have gotten into. I made a statement about Rape Culture and found myself arguing with a woman who lives in a closet about the fact that it does, in fact, exist. A woman who looked me in the face and told me that her boys were told in high school that they needed to be careful not to be left alone with girls because "they can say anything they want", which she repeated was a true fact. The fact that boys can do the same thing apparently never crossed her mind. There are multiple details I'm leaving out of this, personal details about the individual with which I had this conversation, but she is really not in any position to discuss anything that is going on in this country or the World as she lives in a bubble. A bubble that perpetuates rape culture based on the fact that it never happened to her, and she doesn't believe her children are capable of doing so. She also doesn't believe that one in 4 women is a victim of sexual assault. How nice for you, dear, to live in such a world but your perception is not a reality.
Which brings me to where we are now...
Reading the news story, including the claims that were made, I don't want to believe that she made it up. I want to have sympathy for Joanie Faircloth. It appears she apparently has a very ill son. There is something inside of me that wants to believe that maybe with her sick son... the bills and the desperation reached a point where the amount of hush money was being offered was enough to pay off some of the bills being accrued due to her son's autism and kidney disease. I want to think that maybe she would rather be nationally branded as a liar while the medical bills are quietly being paid. I want to think that maybe she's sacrificing her character and reputation for the sake of her son.
Sadly, I mostly just think perhaps Joanie Faircloth just has some serious issues. And while maybe I should take the route of compassion, as I have no idea what it is like to have an incredibly ill son and maybe this was some kind of cry for help from Joanie who must be struggling with complex feelings and emotions I don't have any way of understanding... I'd be lying if I said that I didn't also seriously wonder if her son's illness isn't yet another fabrication, or even worse Munchausen by proxy syndrome. But I'm just so incredibly angry.
So, Joanie... fuck you. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself for so many reasons. You are perpetuating the perpetuation of "the girl who cried rape". And for that FUCK YOU. Your story only gives credit to the weak minded people who don't believe that ONE IN FOUR college women has reported being a survivor or rape of attempted rape since their 14th birthday. Your bullshit undermines every sexual assault, and completely reinforces the ass backwards thinking of an entire country that doesn't do near enough for it's victims and contributes to the reason why 60% of rapes go unreported. Seeing as you aren't actually a victim, you have no idea what it is like to try and tell someone what happened to you only to have someone try and cover it up or tell you that you made it up or make you feel ashamed for what you wore, what you drank, how you acted, who you hung out with, who you slept with before or where you went.
You're almost just as guilty as the fucking rapists. You might not be there ignoring pleas to stop. You might not be there taking advantage of someone who is so inebriated they don't know where they are. You might not be a sick bystander who takes pictures and posts them online instead of helping someone as their being victimized. You might not know the victims or have anything to do with what actually happens to them, including the cover-ups and the victim blaming. But... you come up. You're a part of it every fucking time someone says "Girls lie. They can say whatever they want". You're a part of Steubenville, you're a part of the Maryland Rape case involving Daisy Coleman, and you're a part of Jada's Sexual Assault case.
Think about that. Think about what happened to those girls. And part of the reason they weren't taken seriously, didn't get help from police and authorities, were mocked and degraded and embarrassed and humiliated online by millions of commenters... is because of fucking bitches like you.
I'm sure someone out there thinks I'm being cruel in light of your situation. I think you're not just undermining sexual assault victims, you're disrespecting every parent dealing with a sick child who gives up everything to be with them, who stays up late in hospital rooms listening to labored breathing, who hugs their child before surgery not knowing if it is the last time they'll see them alive, who watches their pre-teen struggle with incontinence, who holds their child in bed praying for one more night or for peace or for their health, who knows their son will never drive or play football, who carries their teenager into the shower, who struggles to pay bills and yet still finds a way to cope, finds a way to deal with the pain of that without resorting to accusing an innocent man of rape. The reason children's hospitals exist is because there are so many sick children... have you ever looked around you at the people who are somehow finding a way to cope without resorting to attempting to ruin another person's life? While I don't know your exact situation and I don't know what that feels like, I know there are so many parents in worse situations... and yet somehow those people are still trying to find a way to be good people, to be examples for their child and for their other children, striving to be good people and embrace blessings and be blessings to others through their pain and not inflicting more pain on others.
You should be ashamed of yourself. I have so much more I want to say. I want to scream. I want to call you names. I want to tell you exactly what I think of you. I want to tell you, most of all, that you make me feel ashamed... if only because of the fact that we have something in common: our genitals.
- Ash
Saturday, July 12, 2014
This week an enlisted Navy sailor, Nicholas Lord, decided it would be cool if he got wasted and made comments about rape on Facebook. It didn’t end there, however. This “man” decided he would then go onto a woman’s photo, a woman wearing a Navy shirt who said she had recently enlisted, and make the following comment:
"You’ll end up pregnant real soon you fucking whore. If I could, and I knew you I’d hold you down and rape you."
We all do idiotic things when we’re drunk. I get that. But, rape is a serious matter, and as the old proverb says A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Threatening to rape someone even via social media is actually assault per the law. Under American common law, assault is defined as creating fear of imminent harm or offensive contact with a person. If she had any information on her profile regarding her location, assault charges could be and should be possible. The longer we take shit like this as less than a serious matter, the more rape culture continues to exist.
I know that people think it’s funny to joke about rape and will argue that this is the case here (an idiot drunkenly joking about rape on the Internet), but is there ever a time when making a rape joke is actually
What I know to be true is that any man who values women as equals, as fellow human beings....any man who understands what rape does to a person and what it means would never, ever make that kind of joke even in drunkenness (again, a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts).
Had this guy slept off the drunkenness and felt that maybe he crossed a few lines with his comments, I think I could let it slide. Not completely, mind you. He would still be a fucking douche because being drunk doesn’t give you a pass to be a complete fucking moron without consequences. The drunk guy who rapes his date doesn’t get a pass because he had a few drinks. The drunk who ends up thinking it’s a good idea to rob a store and ends up tragically shooting the cashier doesn’t get a get out of jail free card just because he’s drunk. And this guy doesn’t deserve anyone’s sympathy just because he was drunk either. But, here’s the thing…He didn’t think he crossed a few lines.
The next day, this is what he had to say:
So, what we have here is an entitled piece of shit who thinks it’s perfectly okay to get drunk and threaten to rape random people on the Internet. We have someone who we're supposed to hold in the highest regard because he fights for our freedoms or is willing to yet here he is hoping to rip a woman's personal freedom to shreds. Instead of truly making a sacrifice for this country, he'd rather victimize it while we're supposed to sit here thanking him for his fucking service. But, no one should care, what’s the big fucking deal anyway, get a sense of humor, right? Wrong, you arrogant fucking asshat. It’s not perfectly okay. We don’t think so and neither does the Navy who is currently investigating this issue. The public affairs officer for Naval Air Forces Pacific had this to say, “The Navy takes all allegations of sexual assault or the threat of sexual assault very seriously, so yes, we are looking into the matter. There is no place for sexual assault or even the threat of it in the Navy.” I hope this guy gets his ass booted right the fuck out and ends up with none of the benefits of an honorable discharge…
Had this guy slept off the drunkenness and felt that maybe he crossed a few lines with his comments, I think I could let it slide. Not completely, mind you. He would still be a fucking douche because being drunk doesn’t give you a pass to be a complete fucking moron without consequences. The drunk guy who rapes his date doesn’t get a pass because he had a few drinks. The drunk who ends up thinking it’s a good idea to rob a store and ends up tragically shooting the cashier doesn’t get a get out of jail free card just because he’s drunk. And this guy doesn’t deserve anyone’s sympathy just because he was drunk either. But, here’s the thing…He didn’t think he crossed a few lines.
The next day, this is what he had to say:
So, what we have here is an entitled piece of shit who thinks it’s perfectly okay to get drunk and threaten to rape random people on the Internet. We have someone who we're supposed to hold in the highest regard because he fights for our freedoms or is willing to yet here he is hoping to rip a woman's personal freedom to shreds. Instead of truly making a sacrifice for this country, he'd rather victimize it while we're supposed to sit here thanking him for his fucking service. But, no one should care, what’s the big fucking deal anyway, get a sense of humor, right? Wrong, you arrogant fucking asshat. It’s not perfectly okay. We don’t think so and neither does the Navy who is currently investigating this issue. The public affairs officer for Naval Air Forces Pacific had this to say, “The Navy takes all allegations of sexual assault or the threat of sexual assault very seriously, so yes, we are looking into the matter. There is no place for sexual assault or even the threat of it in the Navy.” I hope this guy gets his ass booted right the fuck out and ends up with none of the benefits of an honorable discharge…
Saturday, July 5, 2014
While many Americans were chilling their beer, preparing their barbeques and making their potato salads for their July 4th celebrations, in Peru Joran Van der Sloot was getting married.
Who is Joran Van der Sloot? Well, it's been a few years since we heard from him as he has been in prison since 2012 after being convicted of murdering 21 year old Stephany Flores in 2010. They met in a Peruvian casino where they hooked up and he later beat, suffocating and strangled her.
Stephany Flores
Stephany Flores' name and face might not seem familiar because she didn't get nearly as much media attention in the United States as the other woman Van der Sloot is suspected of killing... an American teenager from Alabama who disappeared while on a graduation trip to Aruba named Natalee Holloway.
Senior Portait of Natalee Holloway, courtesy of Wikipedia
So... Van der Sloot is sitting in a Peruvian prison serving 28 years when he meets Leidy Figueroa who is there visiting a relative. She is now 7 months pregnant with his child as the prison allows conjugal visits.
Must be nice. It must be nice to kill one woman and leave another woman's family without answers after taunting them for years and still be able to find someone to marry and have children with. I bet his parents are thrilled to get a daughter-in-law and get to have a grandchild...thrilled in ways Stephany and Natalee's parents will never know. And while he will not face charges for Natalee's murder until his 28-year sentence for Stephany's murder is completed, I still believe he knows exactly what happened to Natalee which only makes him more of a monster.
There is so much controversy surrounding Van der Sloot it is impossible to know just how deep his crimes run. Was the sex with Stephany consensual? His violence in killing her make me wonder if the sex was consensual. What happened to Natalee? Did he rape her? Did he have anything to do with her death? Her body was never found... is she dead or are the rumors of Van der Sloot's involvement with the sex slave trade true? Could she possibly be alive or did she die in some horrible place, raped and abused and discarded like garbage?
The sad fact of the matter is that Van der Sloot's list of possible crimes run so deep and the lies so thick that it is impossible to know just how deep the evil runs in him. But the facts are that he is a predator, possibly a sexual predator as well, who abuses and kills women.
The worst part is.... he still feel persecuted as proven by his numerous attempts at extorting Natalee's parents for money in exchange for the location of her body because they "made his life hard for 5 years", as well as suing various government agencies and attempting to sue the parents of his victims.
Yes... Joran Van der Sloot, the man sitting in prison for violently taking the life of one woman and more than two decades from now *MIGHT* be convicted of taking another woman's life, got married this week to a woman who is carrying his child. Her mother allegedly attended the wedding. How proud she must be that her new son-in-law is a two time abuser and killer of innocent women, extortionist, and now father to her grandchild. I can only imagine what kind of morals and wisdom a "person" such as Van der Sloot could pass on to a child as someone so severely lacking in both.
Honestly, I can't decide who is the bigger douche Joran or the new Mrs. Van der Sloot. What a terrible situation to bring a child into. But the worst part about it all is the fact that Stephany and Natalee will never, ever get to have the things Joran is apparently getting to have even from behind bars. They'll never get married, they'll never find love, they'll never again get to feel a loving touch, or have children.... all these things he took from not one but two women he gets to have. All I can hope is that the child is a beautiful little girl who is smart and healthy and beautiful and someday he has to sit down and warn her about the ugly and terrible things men do, men like her father.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Our Douche of the Week posts have often concerned rape in the past, and unfortunately, this week is no different. I wish there were a plethora of other subjects more prevalent than this one, but it's a conversation we keep coming back to because rape culture in our society is such a driving force that people consistently and fully promote an acceptable attitude of violence towards women and victim-blaming ultimately landing them a spot here as a Top of the Line Douchecanoes.
This week, it's 20 year old Brandon Vandenburg, a former football player at Vanderbilt college in Tennessee who was kicked off the football team last year after he and some of his fellow teammates were charged with raping an unconscious female student. This week, Vandenburg submitted a 128 page document to the court to have his case dismissed on the grounds that the female student in question had a questionable history filled with promiscuity and drinking.
In the early morning hours of June 23, 4 young football players took turns having sexual intercourse with the victim while she was passed out in Vandenburg's room. The 4 were subsequently charged with 5 counts of aggravated rape and 2 counts of sexual battery.
Mr. Vandenburg here, however, feels that no crime took place simply because the victim obviously liked to have sex and drink. It doesn't matter that the victim had no chance to say yes to being plowed by 4 men who lined up to have unprotected sex with her. She absolutely might have done so. But, the big thing here is that SHE WASN'T GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY YES OR NO. She was not given a choice to be in control of her own body because these 4 assclowns saw fit to take what they wanted. She liked football players anyway, right? She liked to drink and fuck, right? So there's no way she would have said no. Might as well fuck her and video and take pictures of it for their own benefit.
This is the entitlement aspect of rape culture.
Men feel that since a woman has had sex, she will have sex with any man who ever wants to have sex with her, and even if she is completely unable to say yes, it's fine because she would have said yes anyway.
It concerns me that this douchebag's attorneys would even file this document. Rape shield laws are in place to protect victims from having to answer any questions whatsoever about their sexual history. Because *NEWSFLASH* a woman who has had sex isn't going to have sex with every dick we can find. We're not roaming the streets after becoming sexually active unable to control ourselves and jumping on the drunken homeless man sleeping in the dumpster behind 7/11. We're not bending over on the bus and letting the guy with horrible B.O. and 2 teeth stick us from behind. Rape shield laws are in place BECAUSE SAYING YES ONCE DOES NOT MEAN GIVE MEN THE BLANKET AUTHORITY TO GIVE "IT" TO US AT ANY TIME THEY CHOOSE. We're not asking for it by saying yes. We're not incapable of saying no just because we've said yes. This girl's supposed "promiscuity" does not at all diminish the fact that she passed out in a dorm room and was then violated by 4 different "men" who thought it would be great to treat her like a human blow-up doll.
Who the fuck can possibly defend their own actions when they're actions clearly show that each one of them took turns having sex with an unconscious girl? A douche, that's who.
I had a debate not long ago with someone who said that we need to keep fighting to keep girls from drinking too much and making themselves vulnerable to these kinds of attacks, but the fact of the matter is that whether she had too much to drink or not doesn't diminish the fact that cultural attitudes ensured that these men would take advantage of the opportunity. Every woman in this country could absolutely refuse to drink for the rest of their lives and we'd still be raped. We'd still be victims. Had she not been drunk, the chances that she would have been overpowered and raped by 4 guys who thought she owed it to them (obviously) to fuck them all are pretty fucking high. The drink just made their job easier....it didn't suddenly turn them into rapists. The mentality was already there.
What needs to happen is for this asshole to be laughed out of court with this idiotic motion to dismiss, and each one of them needs to spend a lengthy time in prison. The statistics show that 97% of rapists never spend any time in jail and that just speaks to the cultural influence at work. That needs to change and idiots like this need to be the example. When the mentality that men are entitled to give women what they're asking for is changed with imposed prison sentences, when rapists aren't given carte blanche to repeatedly force themselves on women to the complete acceptance of the system and society, we'll see less of this kind of crime. --jenniy
Saturday, June 21, 2014
I think we can all agree that when it comes to being on the Internet, there’s absolutely no way to know what everything’s about and a well-meaning hashtag can actually make you look like an idiot if you’re completely unaware of the background of said hashtag.
Take, for instance, this new #feloncrushfriday trend that took place after a mug shot of Jeremy Meeks was
That very same thing recently happened to Adam Richman of Man vs Food fame. Richman recently lost some weight and has made headlines promoting his new healthy lifestyle and showing off his much slimmer body. That’s great. He’s totally not a douche for that, and I sincerely congratulate him.
That’s not the end of this, however.
In a recent Instagram post, Richman used the hashtag #thinspiration which may not mean much unless you have the context behind it (similarly to #feloncrushfriday). What Richman didn’t understand is that #thinspiration often circulates in eating disorder communities and is used on photos of emaciated bodies that promote thinness over food, health, and healthy living. These communities often discuss tips on how to purge and starve—activities which promote mental disorders that I have personally struggled with that are some of the hardest fucking things I’ve ever tried to overcome that ravage people’s health, minds, and bodies. It’s the exact opposite of the inspirational message he was going for. A little research behind the hashtag can be quite eye-opening. Sites like Tumblr and Pinterest have actually banned Thinspiration boards because they’re more often than not pro-anorexia. No shit. If that sounds nuts, it’s because it is and that’s why this has led to these sites policing this kind of content. Instagram itself has a content advisory in place for the hashtag.
The problem isn’t so much with Richman’s usage of #thinspiration. He’s only human, and as such, it’s to be expected that he is ignorant of some things. As I said originally, there’s no way we can know everything there is to know about a trend. His reaction to being educated about it was really fucking horrible though. Instead of embracing the fact that he fucked up and taking the opportunity to learn from his followers and be supportive and educate himself, he called the woman attempting to teach him about the context of the hashtag a cunt. yeah…a cunt. He also said he didn’t give a fuck about the context of the hashtag and instructed a follower who also attempted to explain the hashtag to grab a razor and draw a bath because no one would miss her.
I could totally have overlooked the ignorance of the hashtag. I really could have. But telling someone to kill themselves because they have an understanding of something you don’t? That’s far over the line. He said he was just trying to inspire people to live a better lifestyle, but apparently all losing weight has done for him is turn him into the kind of angry jackass that thinks he can’t be corrected and doesn’t need to take any responsibility for the shit he says. What’s so fucking healthy about that?
That’s not inspiration for a healthy lifestyle…that’s just proving you’re a douchebag whose only inspirational effect is teaching us how to not handle ourselves in a public forum. So, thanks for that, at least, asshole.
In a recent Instagram post, Richman used the hashtag #thinspiration which may not mean much unless you have the context behind it (similarly to #feloncrushfriday). What Richman didn’t understand is that #thinspiration often circulates in eating disorder communities and is used on photos of emaciated bodies that promote thinness over food, health, and healthy living. These communities often discuss tips on how to purge and starve—activities which promote mental disorders that I have personally struggled with that are some of the hardest fucking things I’ve ever tried to overcome that ravage people’s health, minds, and bodies. It’s the exact opposite of the inspirational message he was going for. A little research behind the hashtag can be quite eye-opening. Sites like Tumblr and Pinterest have actually banned Thinspiration boards because they’re more often than not pro-anorexia. No shit. If that sounds nuts, it’s because it is and that’s why this has led to these sites policing this kind of content. Instagram itself has a content advisory in place for the hashtag.
The problem isn’t so much with Richman’s usage of #thinspiration. He’s only human, and as such, it’s to be expected that he is ignorant of some things. As I said originally, there’s no way we can know everything there is to know about a trend. His reaction to being educated about it was really fucking horrible though. Instead of embracing the fact that he fucked up and taking the opportunity to learn from his followers and be supportive and educate himself, he called the woman attempting to teach him about the context of the hashtag a cunt. yeah…a cunt. He also said he didn’t give a fuck about the context of the hashtag and instructed a follower who also attempted to explain the hashtag to grab a razor and draw a bath because no one would miss her.
I could totally have overlooked the ignorance of the hashtag. I really could have. But telling someone to kill themselves because they have an understanding of something you don’t? That’s far over the line. He said he was just trying to inspire people to live a better lifestyle, but apparently all losing weight has done for him is turn him into the kind of angry jackass that thinks he can’t be corrected and doesn’t need to take any responsibility for the shit he says. What’s so fucking healthy about that?
That’s not inspiration for a healthy lifestyle…that’s just proving you’re a douchebag whose only inspirational effect is teaching us how to not handle ourselves in a public forum. So, thanks for that, at least, asshole.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
We almost had to name ourselves Douche of the Week again. After stating "if I never hear another Climax joke, it would be too soon" while sharing an earlier post from this week on my personal Facebook page, Ash and I proceeded, in fact, to make several more Climax jokes. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for us, though, there was a much more obvious choice.
Thanks, George Will, for taking the heat for us.
If you’re not the keen follower of rape culture news that I am, you may have missed the uproar about George Will’s column in the Washington Times this past week. If you didn’t catch it, here’s a recap: Good old George feels that the current examination by the White House of Title IX complaints of more than 50 campuses across the nation is unwarranted and a waste of time. The law itself encompasses equal treatment of the sexes on college campuses and specifically requires schools to thoroughly investigate rape and sexual assault claims. The schools under investigation have had complaints filed regarding the school’s handling (or often lack thereof) of sexual assault cases. George also feels that this epidemic of “sexual assault” (yes, he actually used condescending little quotation marks) is making real education impossible and is giving “victims” some sort of privileged status that comes with benefits and social recognition. It conveys that being a victim is something to be coveted, he says. It creates an environment where victims proliferate and the accused are the true victims as campuses cater to the mixture of “hormones, alcohol and the faux sophistication of today’s prolonged adolescence of especially privileged young adults” without regard for academia or due process.
The first thing to note here is that George Will has obviously never been raped. Anyone who had gone through the nightmares, the panic triggers, the crying, the shame, the unexplainable guilt, the loss of friends, the loss of happiness, the turmoil, the pain, and the suffering that comes from being sexually assaulted would never, ever be able to minimize what victims go through the way this asshat did. It’s not a fucking cakewalk. It isn’t as simple as getting drunk, banging, and the regretting it. When a woman says NO, she motherfucking means NO. When that isn’t respected and a man takes what he wants anyway even if she has said YES a thousand fucking times before, it is still rape. It is still a violation. And, yes oh yes she is still a victim.
There most certainly IS an epidemic of sexual assault across this entire country especially on college campuses but it has nothing to do with any benefits rape victims receive. It is most certainly because old, privileged white men like George Will—the people with truly coveted and benefited status--have no respect for women. They have no idea what it means to be afraid—to fear that every man you go on a date with will use force to get what he wants or worse. He has no idea what it’s like to be slapped in the face by rape scene after rape scene in movies, television, and books for entertainment value. And, he apparently has no idea that more times than not sexual assault is completely ignored or the victim is outright shamed for her behavior making it impossible to actually gain any of these fucking privileges he speaks of. Coveted status? If coveted means lower than dog shit on the dean's shoes, then oh yes, victim status is coveted. Men like him are the reason that rape culture in this country prevails because they deny. They deny the effects of rape, the culture of rape, and the very existence of rape. It doesn’t affect them personally at the end of the day (unless they happen to know someone who IS raped and even then, it’s not one of their own orifices) so why get all worked up over it?
As long as we have people who blame sexual assault on what a woman wears, where she was, what she had to drink, and whether or not she loved to have sex, we’re never going to see any changes in this very real epidemic. The blame is not on victims. It’s on the rapists—the people who feel entitled to take what they want from another person. We live in a culture where the shame and guilt are placed on the victim, where the victim has to answer for her actions and not the other way around. The guilt certainly should reside with rapists, but right there with them are their partners in crime--men like George Will who perpetuate this culture of violence through sheer, unadulterated, privileged fucking ignorance.
I'd say that the only way George Will will ever understand the experience of rape and what it puts you through...how it kills a part of you...is to be a victim himself, but having gone through that at 13 without a single fucking benefit to show for it, I wouldn't wish it on the biggest of douches--even him.
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Sometimes in life you have to stop and consider whether or not you are the problem in a situation. This week, someone tried to make us the Douche of The Week… at least I felt like it. The question “why are we on these sites, and why do we keep subjecting ourselves to these messages if we find them to be so awful?” was raised. The accusation that DoucheArt is making a negative out of a negative, that we are ridiculing random people with poor social skills and lower than average I.Q's was made. It has been said that we know nothing about human depravity by someone who has claimed to “have full on read every nuance of evil that humans will subject each other to”. And we were asked to account for ourselves…what is our goal? What progress or difference are we making to feminism, to the world, to ANYONE? And I had to ask myself…are WE the Douches for being the DoucheArt Duo?
The fact of the matter is… online dating sites are a form of social media specifically targeting people with a common goal or need: meeting people who are also looking for a relationship. Most of these sites allow you to be specific about what you’re looking to meet. That being said, being on such a site with the intention of expanding your social circle or meeting someone from a different lifestyle whether you’re looking for a relationship or a casual hookup does not mean that people should be subjected to what would be considered harassment, sexual harassment, illegal indecent exposure, or sexual assault in the real world.
Exposing yourself in public is illegal, why do people feel it is OK to expose themselves to another person in such a way on the Internet instead of a traditional greeting and introduction? Much like there is no justification for rape, there is no justification as to why I should be informed of every little detail of the sex acts a stranger wants to perform on my body in some creepy little head fantasy after seeing my photos, or be sent unsolicited photos of another person’s genitals simply because I use the Internet to look outside my usual social circle to meet someone.
So why do I keep subjecting myself to these messages? Because I refuse to believe that only creeps or people with poor social skills and lower than average IQ’s sign up for online dating sites. I also believe that there are good people to be found whether they are looking for a casual hookup or a long term relationship. Online dating allows users to specify what they’re looking for from a larger selection of people unlike traditional means of meeting people. I signed up to meet people with similar interests who are also interested in meeting people with similar interests…I fail to see how an online dating website could be considered an environment where I should expect to receive inappropriate messages. Yes, there are creeps on the Internet and they will be encountered from time to time, but when does something like receiving such disgusting, predatory messages become more than just a gross example of the way some man feels it is appropriate to talk to women and a sign that our society is a little sick when so many people feel it is OK to behave like this?
I don’t believe we are making a negative out of a negative. Being subjected to unwanted, inappropriate sexual advances or messages intended to make a person feel embarrassment is abuse, pure and simple. No one should ever feel preyed upon or victimized for merely being online and the Internet should not be considered an acceptable place for predatory behaviors.
Are we ridiculing people? Hell Yes. Someone very important to me once told me that laughter is powerful, can be the best medicine and could change the world…that taking things too seriously can sometimes be the problem. The example he gave was Hitler. What if people had laughed at Hitler? What if no one had taken him seriously? (And let’s not get caught up on the example…I’m not comparing this to World War II.) That's why I stand by this project and what we’re doing on the DoucheArt blog.
In abusive relationships, many times the abuse is allowed to continue because nobody knows. As a general rule, abusers do not want people to know about their behavior and the cycle of abuse is perpetuated by secrecy and shame. What people, primarily women, experience on the Internet and many times in their real lives almost daily whether it is Facebook, Twitter or an online dating site IS abuse. A man who sends an initial message to a woman expressing his desire to ejaculate on her face or describe the things he wants to do to her body isn't looking to respect or value her much like man who sends an unsolicited photo of his penis is not trying to empower women.
If you think this is respectful or appropriate to send this to a woman, ask yourself... "If my mom, my little sister, or my daughter were on an online dating site... would I want them to receive a message like this from a man they don't know?"
Perhaps exposing the abuses and such behaviors as the kind we've personally experienced online as well as the experiences of people who share their experiences seems petty, but as someone on the receiving end of such messages I’d rather ridicule it than jump on the Rape Culture wagon and hide it, feel ashamed and wonder what it is about me that makes someone talk to me like that instead of with respect. In a situation where someone I don’t know is making inappropriate comments about my body, I should not be expected to sweep it under the rug or hide it. In this instance, by remaining silent we imply our consent to be talked to in such a way. When we silently delete the messages and block the users, we only really stop one person from sending a message to us when perhaps we should all strive to ridicule such behaviors.
This “petty ridicule” is exposing certain behaviors which we find unacceptable to the light and publicly acknowledging that this behavior is not something we're going to be ashamed of in private, that inviting yourself to essentially assault us in our own homes via the Internet is UNACCEPTABLE. That is the point…that you can be called out on your behaviors. That saying gross things to women who are not interested isn’t funny and we’re not impressed. If ridiculing that kind of behavior shows someone “Hey, when you act like this or when you say these things…. You look like a chump and people don’t appreciate it” then we’re doing something.
Could we be tackling bigger issues? Should we be acknowledging other acts of human depravity? To that I will say this… an issue like sexual assault perhaps doesn't seem like a big deal to someone who has never been a victim of such a thing. Perhaps to some people, especially men who have never experienced being victimized, dirty messages on a dating site seem small. But one dirty message is never ONE dirty message when you've been bombarded with catcalls and unwanted attempts at sexual contact or advances since your breasts began developing. This isn't a reaction to one or two inappropriate weirdos...this is a reaction to day after day, week after week, year after year of living in a society that allows people to behave in predatory ways by demanding that someone "just ignore" a situation. To be told by someone to read a book about acts of evil and human depravity when you have sat next to evil, hugged it before you saw the wolf in sheep’s clothing, had one or countless acts of such a nature acted upon you is beyond insulting; To be told to read a book to understand the true depths of human depravity when you've been RAPED is infuriating, demeaning, disgusting and one of the most ignorant things I've ever heard not to mention downright cruel.
This isn't about feminism for me. I post gross messages that have been sent to men, and messages from women to other women. Unfortunately, the kind of virtual harassment and assault we see is more often committed by men than women and as such perhaps this site comes off as being yet another place on the Internet where women bash and ridicule men. This isn’t about gender, orientation, race, age, gender…this is about Respect. This is about socially appropriate interactions on the Internet. We’re not here to bash men. We’re not here to judge people who might be looking for a casual hookup. We’re not here saying we don’t like it when people talk dirty to us.
What we’re here saying is… don’t use your words to virtually assault someone, don’t say something to someone as a means of an introduction that you wouldn't say to them in person, don’t literally expose yourself to someone who is not interested in seeing your genitals because it is just as much an assault as it would be if you were standing in front of them in a public place. It doesn't matter what anyone says they are looking for on their profile whether it is just friends, casual hookup or long term relationship… introduce yourself like a person, don’t mind-rape them and tell them the details in a message they opened expecting a pleasant introduction. We’re not saying people shouldn't take to the Internet to look for what they want no matter what it is…we’re saying, figure out if the person you message wants the same things as you do or is open to that kind of message BEFORE you send it.
My goal is agreeing to be a part of DoucheArt was to bring messages like those we post to the light. To show people who don’t know that people, mostly women, get these kinds of messages EVERY DAY, sometimes multiple times a day simply for being online. Our goal is to share our experiences and encourage others not to be ashamed by the pervy, predatory propositions but instead take those unsolicited sexts, juvenile attempts at talking dirty, and aggressive sexual advances post them on pretty pictures, and share them on the Internet so we can all laugh at the inappropriate ways online creepers try to get lucky. If you don't take something too seriously, it doesn't have power.
We’re straight women; Perhaps DoucheArt fails in that it comes off as being more about the online experience of women dealing with straight men than being about the experience of ANYONE who experiences douchiness on the Internet. Perhaps the fact that our site may seem exclusionary to some is also failure on our part, but I can’t write from the perspective of anyone else in any other situation. We do rely heavily on the submissions and experiences of others. Unfortunately, we cannot be responsible for the fact that messages of these types usually come from men. That isn’t a problem DoucheArt caused, it is a problem we’re trying to expose and what better place to do it than on the Internet where this is occurring?
If signing up on an online dating site with the expectation to meet another like-minded person with some of the same interests makes me a douche, then so be it.
If refusing to believe that only people with poor social skills and low I.Qs have a problem meeting other adults in their area with the same goals and interests makes me a douche, then I guess I am.
If my refusal to write off yet another one of these messages as being “just another uneducated creep” and ignore it and allow the cycle of abuse to continue by implying that I am OK with such behavior instead of acknowledging it on a public site makes me a douche, well OK then.
If choosing to acknowledge something I feel should be acknowledged, especially if I've experienced it, instead of any of the other acts of human depravity without belittling the people who have been victims to those acts like people have belittled our experiences with sexual assault, then at least I’m not the kind of douche who re-victimizes people by minimizing what may have been the most traumatic experience of their life.
If attempting to tackle a problem by showing the inappropriateness and ridiculousness of it, ridiculing it, by attempting to give poor behavior some kind of social consequence or backlash instead of writing it off as "someone who doesn't know better" and by choosing laughter instead of feeling ashamed, victimized, assaulted or preyed upon makes me a douche, then at least I’m a douche that is laughing because I know I deserve better and other women deserve the same and at least I'm trying to educate someone.
If my choice to expose people who send messages like this to women who are mothers, sisters, nieces, daughters, granddaughter, aunts, wives, friends so that those women can see that they aren't alone and so that the men in our lives can see what we experience or show a man who thinks it’s OK to talk to women like this just how unappreciated and inappropriate it is in a way that isn't yet another bra-burning makes me a douche….then I am a Douche Queen.
If what we're doing here at DoucheArt makes us Douches, then we stand by it. I'd rather be the kind of douche acknowledging this kind of problem in a new way than the kind of douche causing the problem.
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