DoucheArt

Our Douche of the Week this week is unfortunately a faceless and nameless fucker, and in my heart of hearts I hope it is because he is ashamed of himself.  I hope the Internet backlash has caused this man to think, but I doubt it.

I'm talking about the anonymous Reddit user who last week took his problems to the popular Internet site.  His issue?  After 2.5 years of being in a relationship which he described as being "great emotionally", he began to feel disconnected and signed up for a popular Internet hook-up site where he began to talk with other women.  The disconnect only got worse when he found himself attracted to women on the site he deemed to be more attractive than his current girlfriend he considers a "bigger girl".  He then insisted, in spite of her protestations, that in order for their relationship to continue that she needed to embrace having an open relationship.  Less than 2 months later, the girl who was heartbroken over being told to accept an open relationship or break up is having the time of her life, dating, and possibly even having sexual relationships with other men while the poster has yet to have a single date.  Now, the Original Poster (OP) wants to close the relationship because he did not anticipate how popular his girlfriend, who remained supportive and sweet, would become.

You can read the Jezebel post, and the contents of the original Reddit post HERE.

Where do I start? Because honestly, there is just so much DOUCHE here that I'm barely even to function, much less find the words I want to say.

First things first... all relationships experience ups and downs.  I personally don't feel the solution to that is one party to step out of the relationship physically or emotionally.  It is my personal opinion that two mediocre relationships do not equal one good one.

But that isn't what REALLY happened here.  The fact of the matter is...the original OP says she was a bigger girl when he met her and enjoyed her body but she wasn't meeting his needs.  So...was the physical relationship unfulfilled because of her size or because of what sexually activity she was/was not interested in?  The OP answers this later when, after catching his girlfriend out with another gentleman he considers to be much more attractive, he says that he can't imagine why the guy is out with his girlfriend and not an attractive girl.

Here's a fun fact: Being "big", "bigger", "big and beautiful", "fluffy", "supersize", "thick" or whatever other ridiculous description you want to use for larger people in the world DOES NOT mean those people are unattractive, lonely, nonsexual or unsexy.  I personally have run into this.  I actually had someone ask me, after my last breakup, what I was going to do and suggest that I get back with my abusive ex because it would be a long time before I found another person who would be physically attracted to me.  The truth?  I was being hit on merely three days after announcing the breakup.

So, my darling Douche of the Week, here's what I think... fuck you.  I hope since you've made your post that your girlfriend has left you for someone who not only sees the things that you do, but also finds her to be incredibly sexy in all the ways you could only find other women.

I hope at some point you realize how unsatisfied you left her.  You complain of being physically unsatisfied while your girlfriend deigned to be with someone who wasn't emotionally satisfying her because I don't think anyone can be emotionally satisfied by someone who steps out of the relationship then demands she accept a relationship she doesn't want or break up.  Not to mention, being with someone who couldn't satisfy her body in every way she deserved because he didn't find her attractive.

And the real kicker...YOU WANT HER BACK not because it drives you crazy at the thought of any other man touching her, or because you realized how incredible she really is after seeing how many others jump at the opportunity to be with her.  This is the douchiest part... you want her back because NO ONE is interested in you.  It isn't about how amazing and beautiful and awesome she is.  You're upset because you broke her heart when you wanted to fuck other people and now that she gave you what you wanted and it isn't everything you dreamed of you want to be upset because she isn't concerned with whether or not you're having a good time.  Not to mention, you don't want her to meet someone who might actually find her to be desirable, sexy and the kind of woman another man would never let go of.

To translate all of the horrible things you said: you want her back because in the last 2.5 years she was the only person who really found you to be attractive enough to not only sleep with you, but actually love you.  

And quite frankly, I wonder about her after seeing all of the ugly you showed yourself to be on the Internet.  You are a puke.  A complete and utter puke.

I suspect that you are going to get everything you deserve because she sounds like she is slowly but surely moving on and I hope she realizes that someone who attempts to force her into any kind of relationship like that (one that should be a decision between both willing partners) isn't worth it.  And so I will end this rant with this: I hope your girlfriend finds someone who can appreciate her for everything she is.  I hope she can find someone who fulfills her need, and is a partner who finds her sweet, loving, sexy and physically irresistible if that is what she desires.  I hope she RUNS away from you towards a man she finds incredible who not only thinks she is incredible but makes her feel incredible too.

And you, I hope you end up beating off alone into a sock in front of your computer.    --Hot Ash

First off, Staxx, it's "waste" in this instance not "waist" but I'm willing to overlook the grammar issues. I am not, however, willing to overlook the fact that I don't know you. I don't know if you're a murdering serial rapist. I don't know if you like to punch women in the face during sex. And, I certainly don't know if you're going to pass me some herpes with our little grind session. So, do me a fucking favor and keep your dick in your pants. --jenniy

This guy's headline reads: "looking for kinky whore".  His About Me section only further explained that.

*Sigh*

His profile says Australia, but he says Canada.  I don't know.  I'm afraid for kinky whores in both countries.

You should be scared, Phil, because the only thing that's going to happen when I message you back is me laughing in your sad little face and mocking your pathetic attempts at seducing women... --jenniy

If you're a "bad bxtkh", and you're tired of FAKE relationships... may I consider changing your name to something other than "dickpleaser"?  Just a thought.  No pressure.

Wow.  Way to start a conversation.  Why do people think sites like Plenty of Fish are like want ads?  You see, you get?  Nut-uh.  Not handing out my number to weirdos.

And as a sidenote... why are all these men always looking for "drama free"?  I mean, I get it but that isn't a huge selling point.