Saturday, July 26, 2014
You know that saying Go Big or Go Home? Well, that’s us here at DoucheArt this week. We’ve decided to take on the entire fucking NFL for Douche of the Week.
Robert Goodell, NFL Commisioner |
Unless you’ve been away from the Internet for the last several days, you may have seen stories about Ray
Rice, the running back for the Baltimore Ravens. Back in February, Rice was seen on camera in an Atlantic City casino elevator punching his fiancé so hard he knocked her unconscious. He then dragged her from the elevator into the parking garage. The police were called to the scene and an arrest was made. Since that time, Rice has gone into a diversionary program which will allow him to get counseling and do some community service so the arrest will be wiped from his record.
Action by the NFL was not taken until just this week, however. The commissioner for the NFL, Roger Goodall, let Rice know that this behavior was not acceptable by the organization’s standards and as punishment he would be suspended for….2 games.
Two. Fucking. Off Season. Games.
This is establishing (and honestly reinforcing) a precedent that says violence against women is not a big fucking deal. Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon was suspended for an entire season for testing positive for marijuana more than once. Justin Blackmon, wide receiver for the Jackson Jaguars, has been suspended indefinitely for marijuana charges. Robert Mathis, an offensive linebacker for the Indianapolis Colts was suspended for 4 games for taking a fertility drug that wasn’t on an approved list. And perhaps even most telling is the fact that Daryl Washington of the Arizona Cardinals was suspended for the entire season for drug-related charges but has received NO punishment (yet at least) for an aggravated assault charge against the mother of his child whom he shoved so hard she suffered a broken clavicle. Every single player that has been suspended this year has been suspended for more games than Rice and all for substance abuse. That’s 15 other players with twice as many suspended games at the very least.
When managers and other players have been asked for commentary, most end up citing something along the lines of there being two sides to every story as if there is ever any reason that a 212 lb running back needs to punch his significant other in the face much less in the face hard enough to knock her out. Even sportscasters have joined in on this type of victim-blaming. ESPN anchor Steven Smith stated earlier in the week that there was never any excuse for a man hitting a woman but that women should remember to be more careful and not provoke such an attack. Here we are again putting all the responsibility on women not to provoke someone to hurt us, not to ask someone to hit us who is irrational, prone to anger, and unpredictable. Yeah, that’s really something *we* have shared responsibility in, right?
The NFL is the body that should have more of the “shared” responsibility to do more to handle domestic violence issues. These are players who get paid millions of dollars per season. In fact, this season Ray Rice will rake in $8,750,000 (before the missed games are factored in) far more than any teacher, police officer, firefighter, or even a US soldier. Baltimore police officers make a paltry $46,669 in comparison… And while it’s not the government who pays football players directly, it says a lot about what is valued more in this country that we’re fine with men getting paid multitudes more to throw around a football for our entertainment than the men and women who throw on a uniform and are ready to lay their lives on the line to protect this country and its citizens. And we’re fine with those entertainers being spouse abusers, rapists, drunk drivers, and all-around dickholes. Why don’t we expect more from these men who we value more than our own fucking soldiers?
These are players who are role models and heroes to young children and teens. We celebrate their victories like they’re our victories. We wear their jerseys. We worship them in front of the television on Sundays like they’re disciples of a pigskin religion preaching the word of God in tight uniforms and shoulder pads. Yet, we don’t expect them to be better examples to our children? We don’t say wait a fucking minute the least you could do is not hit your fiancés or sexually assault your fans (also here)?
To condone this kind of behavior with slap-on-the-wrist punishments that are far more lenient than those handed out for marijuana charges—a drug well on its way to legalization and/or decriminalization across the country—and by victim-blaming to lessen, somehow, the seriousness of the offenses committed by their players, the NFL is saying domestic violence really isn’t something they’re concerned about… They’re much more worried about whether their players look like pot heads than wife beaters. Their precedent for handling these cases says, in a nutshell: Try not to hit your wife or girlfriend unless they deserve it, don’t leave behind incriminating evidence if a date asks for it, and damn well make sure you don’t get busted with pot. We have an image to uphold and all.
It’s not enough. It’s not enough to say that smoking a few joints is a bigger issue than domestic violence which is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. The NFL is perpetuating a culture of violence against women while continually raking in billions of dollars in profits each and every year ($10 billion at least projected for this year alone). The NFL player suspension system is obviously broken. You would think that making that much money in a year would enable an organization to be a bit more responsible for its players and hold them accountable for their bullshit behaviors. We’re living in a society that demands harsher punishments for children and blames lax parenting for the state of younger generations yet here we are letting the NFL be a completely negligent authority figure and still contributing to their bank account. It would be like handing money over to your neighbor after you saw their kid punch another kid at the park while they stood on the sidelines saying “oh honey don’t do that again, ok?”
Fuck that. Fuck this idiotic notion that women are responsible for their own victimization while the people who perpetrate the crimes share so little of the responsibility. It’s time for change and for us to demand more from these institutions and the players themselves.
The NFL claims women make up 50% of their fan base. While some might scoff at that number, we wonder how much of the NFL's merchandise sales is made by that 50% and what it might look like if women quit supporting an organization that fails them at every turn. Perhaps seeing just how much women really support the organization might change some minds if that 50% stopped showing its loyalty by buying tickets and merchandise and by watching.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Not really...she can't really be a lady if she's asking a dude to get her pregnant in a first message. Oh how long I've waited for us to get a submission of a message from a woman to a man but I didn't expect this level of creepiness. Part of me has to wonder if this is a prank considering the Waffle House comment. There's no part of my being that can take a love of Waffle House that seriously nor understand it on any sort of serious plane.
Offering a woman jizz in a first message is ridiculous. It truly is. And I've had messages proclaiming love for me because I have awesome tits (that you can't even see in my photos), but to "my womb is ready for your babies to grow" in all caps is just a new level of horror.
Damn, girl... You need to hit the snooze button on that biological clock or you're never going to find anyone that will have babies with you. There's a time and place for baby talk but the first message is neither the time nor place.
This is so many bad stereotypes rolled into one that it actually makes me nauseated. --jenniy
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Between each and every single one of these messages the person who received them let the sender know that she wasn't interested or flattered by his messages at all, but as you can see, that didn't stop him.
This is an aspect of rape culture and even though we have the option to block people online (and have been told that's what we should do instead of making DoucheArt), it shouldn't come to that nor can we block street harassers, sexual assaulters, and rapists.
These messages translate to real life even if it makes you uncomfortable to admit it, even if you've never seen it or experienced it, and even if we can block people like this from sending us more than one message.
There's a problem when, in our culture, no doesn't mean no, not interested doesn't stop the messages, and people feel entitled to detail these sorts of intimate actions without consent. By the time we actually block the messenger, it's already too late. That's like telling us to file a restraining order against a masked person who flashed us in a parking lot. We've already seen (or read) and can't unsee or unread. The person has already gotten off on sending the message in the first place just like the flasher gets off on the act of flashing. And, in the case of the internet, the pervert already has your username. If he chooses (and sometimes they do...it has happened to me), he can make profile after profile so that every time you block him, he can look you up. Even if you change YOUR profile, he'll still be able to find you.
As much as we like to joke around and poke fun at the idiotic things these people say, it's a sign of a deeper problem, a problem that needs to be addressed in a major way. --jenniy
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
On the surface, this message may not look particularly awful and you may be wondering just why exactly it made for good DoucheArt this evening given the countless other graphic, douchey messages we get or see posted on Instagram. But this message provided me with two things to address.
First, it is, in fact, douchey to call someone baby, babe, sweetheart, hun, honey, boo, bae or any other variation of a stupidly intimate pet name in your initial message. You're already showing, by doing so, that you're feeling entitled to a level of intimacy with a person that you haven't been invited to partake in. I'm not your baby. I don't even fucking know you, and now, you've ensured that I will never want to because you're already violating unnecessary boundaries.
Two, before I replied, I looked at his profile. His interests are listed as sports and sex. His status is "living with someone." He doesn't have a profile picture. Usually, in my experience, that's a red flag that either someone has issues or they have something to hide. *Not ALL the time but usually.* So, when I did respond, I said exactly that--most of the time when someone doesn't have a pic already on here, they have something to hide. His response: ur right I do!!
When I responded again to tell him that he should be spending time with his significant other instead of harassing women online and that it is disgusting to me that someone in a committed relationship feels the need to expose the person who trusts them most to any number of diseases through online hookup/sexual misadventures, he then told me that his significant other is dead and that I'm a "biotch." He continued to call me a biotch after I asked why his status is living with someone and why he admitted he had something to hide if his significant other is, in fact, dead. I have now been blocked.
Don't be that guy that surfs the Internet to hook up with strange women you meet for one-night stands. If you make a commitment, then fucking stick to it or get the fuck out of it. And, for fuck's sake, if you aren't getting your needs satisfied, talk to your partner instead of trying to drag some random Internet hookup into your drama. If you can't handle a commitment, then do like I do and don't fucking make one. --jenniy
Monday, July 21, 2014
Anything except have an intelligent, thoughtful, and respectful conversation, right? It seems like you're probably incapable of letting me do that with you given these are the first words you've ever said to me, and they're saturated with sexual innuendo so strong it made me gag. Thanks. Thanks for letting me know that I can use you as my human sex toy, but I'd probably get better mental stimulation out of my fucking vibrator. --jenniy
Sometimes, DoucheArt comes from unexpected places. I'm on Ask.FM and rarely get questions. But sometimes I like to answer the Question of the Day. This is what happened last week:
I thought I was being funny. I mean... yeah, I kind of opened the door for this kind of response, but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would result in someone I presumably don't know asking me to pleasure them. You would think I would know better by now. You. Would. Think.
But... if it gets old fast, why the hell would you think that I would want to do it? I'm still confused as to whether or not it was a serious offer, or they were just trying to give me material. Either way, thanks I guess. - Ash
Sunday, July 20, 2014
I loved this Instagram submission because I, too, suffer from having large breasts. That fact sort of becomes all that people focus on. I had one boyfriend after another when I was young that honestly only "dated" me to "get a look at those things." In fact, I often refrain from posting full body pics on dating sites because I get comments about my tits from just having my face and a bit of cleavage showing. I can't imagine how bad it would be if people got the full image.
I just want to go on record as saying that I've never gone to a man's profile and messaged him "what dick size?" even though I sometimes think I should just to prove a fucking point. I've never gone and said "nice bulge" to a complete stranger. Or "let me get a look at those balls." I've never sent a guy a message that says "bet you got a nice pair" or "whoa, baby, smother me with those things." I've never called someone a "big-balled monster." But I get those sorts of messages about my boobs fairly often.
I am a person not a set of tits.
I'm on dating site not Porn Hub.
Asking a girl's cup size is pretty fucking rude at any point in dating. She'll tell you if she wants. But, should it really matter? Is that something you need to know? I don't think so. Is a number/letter combination really going to improve or take away from the sight of them at all? Jesus christ, I really don't want to live in a world where this needs to be explained. I'm sitting here typing this out asking myself why this even needs to be said.
This week we have a different kind of Douche of the Week. One that is particularly reprehensible to me because of the nature of her offenses which affect not only her but countless other victims.
In December 2013, a woman named Joanie Faircloth made accusations against Bright Eyes frontman Conor Oberst in the comments of an article posted on XOJane.com. The accusations first appeared in the comments, and again later on a now-deleted Tumblr account, that Oberst raped her after a show in 2003 when she was 16 years old. She later made claims that she was offered money to keep quiet about the rape.
The other day I got into a conversation that I should not have gotten into. I made a statement about Rape Culture and found myself arguing with a woman who lives in a closet about the fact that it does, in fact, exist. A woman who looked me in the face and told me that her boys were told in high school that they needed to be careful not to be left alone with girls because "they can say anything they want", which she repeated was a true fact. The fact that boys can do the same thing apparently never crossed her mind. There are multiple details I'm leaving out of this, personal details about the individual with which I had this conversation, but she is really not in any position to discuss anything that is going on in this country or the World as she lives in a bubble. A bubble that perpetuates rape culture based on the fact that it never happened to her, and she doesn't believe her children are capable of doing so. She also doesn't believe that one in 4 women is a victim of sexual assault. How nice for you, dear, to live in such a world but your perception is not a reality.
Which brings me to where we are now...
Reading the news story, including the claims that were made, I don't want to believe that she made it up. I want to have sympathy for Joanie Faircloth. It appears she apparently has a very ill son. There is something inside of me that wants to believe that maybe with her sick son... the bills and the desperation reached a point where the amount of hush money was being offered was enough to pay off some of the bills being accrued due to her son's autism and kidney disease. I want to think that maybe she would rather be nationally branded as a liar while the medical bills are quietly being paid. I want to think that maybe she's sacrificing her character and reputation for the sake of her son.
Sadly, I mostly just think perhaps Joanie Faircloth just has some serious issues. And while maybe I should take the route of compassion, as I have no idea what it is like to have an incredibly ill son and maybe this was some kind of cry for help from Joanie who must be struggling with complex feelings and emotions I don't have any way of understanding... I'd be lying if I said that I didn't also seriously wonder if her son's illness isn't yet another fabrication, or even worse Munchausen by proxy syndrome. But I'm just so incredibly angry.
So, Joanie... fuck you. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself for so many reasons. You are perpetuating the perpetuation of "the girl who cried rape". And for that FUCK YOU. Your story only gives credit to the weak minded people who don't believe that ONE IN FOUR college women has reported being a survivor or rape of attempted rape since their 14th birthday. Your bullshit undermines every sexual assault, and completely reinforces the ass backwards thinking of an entire country that doesn't do near enough for it's victims and contributes to the reason why 60% of rapes go unreported. Seeing as you aren't actually a victim, you have no idea what it is like to try and tell someone what happened to you only to have someone try and cover it up or tell you that you made it up or make you feel ashamed for what you wore, what you drank, how you acted, who you hung out with, who you slept with before or where you went.
You're almost just as guilty as the fucking rapists. You might not be there ignoring pleas to stop. You might not be there taking advantage of someone who is so inebriated they don't know where they are. You might not be a sick bystander who takes pictures and posts them online instead of helping someone as their being victimized. You might not know the victims or have anything to do with what actually happens to them, including the cover-ups and the victim blaming. But... you come up. You're a part of it every fucking time someone says "Girls lie. They can say whatever they want". You're a part of Steubenville, you're a part of the Maryland Rape case involving Daisy Coleman, and you're a part of Jada's Sexual Assault case.
Think about that. Think about what happened to those girls. And part of the reason they weren't taken seriously, didn't get help from police and authorities, were mocked and degraded and embarrassed and humiliated online by millions of commenters... is because of fucking bitches like you.
I'm sure someone out there thinks I'm being cruel in light of your situation. I think you're not just undermining sexual assault victims, you're disrespecting every parent dealing with a sick child who gives up everything to be with them, who stays up late in hospital rooms listening to labored breathing, who hugs their child before surgery not knowing if it is the last time they'll see them alive, who watches their pre-teen struggle with incontinence, who holds their child in bed praying for one more night or for peace or for their health, who knows their son will never drive or play football, who carries their teenager into the shower, who struggles to pay bills and yet still finds a way to cope, finds a way to deal with the pain of that without resorting to accusing an innocent man of rape. The reason children's hospitals exist is because there are so many sick children... have you ever looked around you at the people who are somehow finding a way to cope without resorting to attempting to ruin another person's life? While I don't know your exact situation and I don't know what that feels like, I know there are so many parents in worse situations... and yet somehow those people are still trying to find a way to be good people, to be examples for their child and for their other children, striving to be good people and embrace blessings and be blessings to others through their pain and not inflicting more pain on others.
You should be ashamed of yourself. I have so much more I want to say. I want to scream. I want to call you names. I want to tell you exactly what I think of you. I want to tell you, most of all, that you make me feel ashamed... if only because of the fact that we have something in common: our genitals.
- Ash
In December 2013, a woman named Joanie Faircloth made accusations against Bright Eyes frontman Conor Oberst in the comments of an article posted on XOJane.com. The accusations first appeared in the comments, and again later on a now-deleted Tumblr account, that Oberst raped her after a show in 2003 when she was 16 years old. She later made claims that she was offered money to keep quiet about the rape.
A photo from Joanie Faircloth's Facebook page
This past Monday, Joanie recanted all of her claims, in a statement which read:
The statements I made and repeated online and elsewhere over the past six months accusing Conor Oberst of raping me are 100% false. I made up those lies about him to get attention while I was going through a difficult period in my life and trying to cope with my son’s illness. I publicly retract my statements about Conor Oberst, and sincerely apologize to him, his family, and his fans for writing such awful things about him. I realize that my actions were wrong and could undermine the claims of actual sexual assault victims and for that I also apologize. I’m truly sorry for all the pain that I caused. - Spin.comSo many thoughts. I'm so angry that I don't even know where to start.
The other day I got into a conversation that I should not have gotten into. I made a statement about Rape Culture and found myself arguing with a woman who lives in a closet about the fact that it does, in fact, exist. A woman who looked me in the face and told me that her boys were told in high school that they needed to be careful not to be left alone with girls because "they can say anything they want", which she repeated was a true fact. The fact that boys can do the same thing apparently never crossed her mind. There are multiple details I'm leaving out of this, personal details about the individual with which I had this conversation, but she is really not in any position to discuss anything that is going on in this country or the World as she lives in a bubble. A bubble that perpetuates rape culture based on the fact that it never happened to her, and she doesn't believe her children are capable of doing so. She also doesn't believe that one in 4 women is a victim of sexual assault. How nice for you, dear, to live in such a world but your perception is not a reality.
Which brings me to where we are now...
Reading the news story, including the claims that were made, I don't want to believe that she made it up. I want to have sympathy for Joanie Faircloth. It appears she apparently has a very ill son. There is something inside of me that wants to believe that maybe with her sick son... the bills and the desperation reached a point where the amount of hush money was being offered was enough to pay off some of the bills being accrued due to her son's autism and kidney disease. I want to think that maybe she would rather be nationally branded as a liar while the medical bills are quietly being paid. I want to think that maybe she's sacrificing her character and reputation for the sake of her son.
Sadly, I mostly just think perhaps Joanie Faircloth just has some serious issues. And while maybe I should take the route of compassion, as I have no idea what it is like to have an incredibly ill son and maybe this was some kind of cry for help from Joanie who must be struggling with complex feelings and emotions I don't have any way of understanding... I'd be lying if I said that I didn't also seriously wonder if her son's illness isn't yet another fabrication, or even worse Munchausen by proxy syndrome. But I'm just so incredibly angry.
So, Joanie... fuck you. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself for so many reasons. You are perpetuating the perpetuation of "the girl who cried rape". And for that FUCK YOU. Your story only gives credit to the weak minded people who don't believe that ONE IN FOUR college women has reported being a survivor or rape of attempted rape since their 14th birthday. Your bullshit undermines every sexual assault, and completely reinforces the ass backwards thinking of an entire country that doesn't do near enough for it's victims and contributes to the reason why 60% of rapes go unreported. Seeing as you aren't actually a victim, you have no idea what it is like to try and tell someone what happened to you only to have someone try and cover it up or tell you that you made it up or make you feel ashamed for what you wore, what you drank, how you acted, who you hung out with, who you slept with before or where you went.
You're almost just as guilty as the fucking rapists. You might not be there ignoring pleas to stop. You might not be there taking advantage of someone who is so inebriated they don't know where they are. You might not be a sick bystander who takes pictures and posts them online instead of helping someone as their being victimized. You might not know the victims or have anything to do with what actually happens to them, including the cover-ups and the victim blaming. But... you come up. You're a part of it every fucking time someone says "Girls lie. They can say whatever they want". You're a part of Steubenville, you're a part of the Maryland Rape case involving Daisy Coleman, and you're a part of Jada's Sexual Assault case.
Think about that. Think about what happened to those girls. And part of the reason they weren't taken seriously, didn't get help from police and authorities, were mocked and degraded and embarrassed and humiliated online by millions of commenters... is because of fucking bitches like you.
I'm sure someone out there thinks I'm being cruel in light of your situation. I think you're not just undermining sexual assault victims, you're disrespecting every parent dealing with a sick child who gives up everything to be with them, who stays up late in hospital rooms listening to labored breathing, who hugs their child before surgery not knowing if it is the last time they'll see them alive, who watches their pre-teen struggle with incontinence, who holds their child in bed praying for one more night or for peace or for their health, who knows their son will never drive or play football, who carries their teenager into the shower, who struggles to pay bills and yet still finds a way to cope, finds a way to deal with the pain of that without resorting to accusing an innocent man of rape. The reason children's hospitals exist is because there are so many sick children... have you ever looked around you at the people who are somehow finding a way to cope without resorting to attempting to ruin another person's life? While I don't know your exact situation and I don't know what that feels like, I know there are so many parents in worse situations... and yet somehow those people are still trying to find a way to be good people, to be examples for their child and for their other children, striving to be good people and embrace blessings and be blessings to others through their pain and not inflicting more pain on others.
You should be ashamed of yourself. I have so much more I want to say. I want to scream. I want to call you names. I want to tell you exactly what I think of you. I want to tell you, most of all, that you make me feel ashamed... if only because of the fact that we have something in common: our genitals.
- Ash
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