DoucheArt

This is the first time in my entire life that someone has asked me if I would be their little... wait, what?

The worst part?  He thinks he "blew it" because of autocorrect but not because of the actual message.  Yeah, because the TYPO is what was wrong with what he said to me.  Seriously, Fuckstick?  Seriously?

Honestly, some days you think you've heard it all and it can't get worse.  But then it's like... someone finds a new twist on an old insult and it is enraging all over again, and that is how I feel about Joe and his first message.

The best part was his profile, as he is apparently "educated" and the rest basically writes itself.  This might be the dumbest profile I've ever seen.  Seriously.

He sent me these three messages, all within 45 minutes.  Obviously, I didn't respond to any of them because... um... what the hell dude?  Nothing is creepier than a man who "shouts" "I LOVE YOU!!!" in his first message.  And I would be lying if I said I didn't look for tell-tale evidence (candy wrappers, cigarette butts, marks in the lawn from a fold-up chair or a bottle that suspiciously looked like urine) that someone was watching me all night from the neighboring lawns.

He deleted his account shortly after messaging me.  Gee... I wonder why he thought he was blocked from everyone?

If you're a "bad bxtkh", and you're tired of FAKE relationships... may I consider changing your name to something other than "dickpleaser"?  Just a thought.  No pressure.

Apparently, the fact that I looked and wasn't interested hurt his wittle feelings and he felt the need to come back and tell me he's not interested.  And I'm the stalker?  Right.

After a nice and quiet afternoon, Mike decided to message me again out of the blue...

I'd rather cut off my own tits honestly.  --jenniy