DoucheArt

One of the most idiotic “news” stories I read this week, and there have been many, is the insistence by Fox News consultant Keith Ablow that Michelle Obama is too fat to promote health.

That’s right. A man who admits to needing to lose 5 lbs (hahahaha) has taken it upon himself to go on record as saying that the First Lady is a hypocrite for promoting health for kids because of her “apparent” weight control issues.

First of all, let’s set the record straight. Michelle Obama is, in no way, fat. She may not be model-
thin, but she is not, as far as my research goes, outside of a healthy weight range for her height especially given the amount of muscle tone she has. She is not even close to the flabby, pasty white dough-boy that is Keith Ablow. Given that he defended his attempted fat-shaming of Mrs. Obama by saying that she’s a hypocrite by promoting health, he surely looks like a much bigger hypocrite himself with that spare tire he’s carrying above his Chinos.

But, the bigger issue here is the ever-constant focus on appearance and the objectification of women. Women in science, professors, authors, politicians, potential candidates-all the people who are in positions in which physical appearance is not an aspect of their career—all have to deal with this sort of commentary. Female scientists with videos on youtube have to constantly deal with sexualized comments. And why? It’s not the same on channels like VSauce where men take on science. If you want to criticize a woman like Keith Ablow did this week on Fox, why start with her appearance? If he really wanted to take a shot at Michelle Obama, I’m sure there are plenty of other ways he could have gone about it. Journalism these days often consists of biased finger-pointing instead of actual news, so it’s not like the FLOTUS has been flying under anyone’s radar. But, fat? Really?? This is what we’ve resorted to as news? The problem is this inherent attitude by everyone, men and women alike, that women have to, for some reason, be pleasing to the eye. We’re supposed to be pretty or at least try to be pretty. If we’re in any sort of spotlight even if it’s not even of our own volition (her husband ran for office not her), the expectation is that we HAVE to meet the standards of beauty set forth by the norms of current society. Why? Why do women owe it to anyone to be beautiful? Why can’t we exist in the world as human beings without the requirement that we make ourselves “presentable?”

On top of that, without this douchebag being in touch with Michelle Obama’s physician and having personal insight into her medical history, he has no way to know if she is healthy or not just because he thinks she can lose a few pounds. The idea that you can look at someone and tell how healthy they are or are not is so fucking asinine it makes me want to scream. There are plenty of thin women who are far unhealthier than their curvy, fat, chunky, *insert whatever term you use here* counterparts.

YOU CANNOT TELL HEALTH BY LOOKING AT PHOTOS OF SOMEONE, YOU FUCKING IDIOTIC LUNATIC.

And one last question, if she weighed 500 lbs and decided to promote healthy eating, would she actually be a hypocrite? As long as she attempts to make healthier choices than processed, high sugary foods, doesn’t that eliminate any slight possibility that she’s a hypocrite? Unless we see photo after photo of her shoving Zebra cakes into her mouth, I think she’s good. See, as the first lady, she is under obligation to do anything at all whatsoever. She didn't sign up for the job as a politician; her husband did. She may be his wife, but that title does not come with the obligation to do any sort of political duties or care about the way things go. At all. We might not have a very positive image of her if that's the way she chose to approach it, but that's just the way it is. But, at least, she does choose to do something. At least, in a time when 1 in 7 families depends on food banks to make it through, she is ensuring that kids are at least eating healthy for the 1 or 2 meals a day they are guaranteed to get which is far more than I can say for Keith Ablow.

So, “Dr.” Ablow, I think you really shoved one of your fat, swollen feet into your mouth this time all the way up to your cankles. The best thing for you to do is get off FoxNews where you consider commentary on women’s appearances to be important journalism. We’re tired of the constant stream of blatant bigotry and idiocy coming out of your mouth. Get the fuck over yourself already.

This wasn't the first message I received from this guy. He started out by asking how a man is supposed to entertain a lady without knowing what entertains that lady. I responded. I have no idea why, but I did. And I regretted it almost immediately. I told him I give out plenty of information in my profile about myself, my goals, and all sorts of things that I find entertaining that would lead to some sort of real conversation. His response was that he wanted to know "better" things that are "closer" and "not for general purpose."

Red flag, right?

I told him to please stop skirting the issue and say what he meant instead of the cryptic generalities. He sent the above message. I didn't respond. It was 1 a.m. and I had sent my message about not tiptoeing around what he really meant just before I got in bed for the night. Less than 10 minutes later he sent another message (that I didn't get until the next day) demanding to know why I couldn't give him an answer.

So, let me get this straight, dude. You want to know private information about me despite the fact that my profile is leaps and bounds more detailed than yours. You want to know what entertains me when I'm naked and alone in bed (what a fucking assumption). And you want to know it right fucking now.

Great. Another entitled dickhead expecting to get something for nothing. And ASAP.

I wasn't in the best of moods the next day when I saw his demand for a response, so I asked him just what the fuck being alone and naked had to do with entertaining me and also stated that I have a child. In my home. Why would he assume that I sleep in the nude? I mean, if he gets sick at night, do I really want to have him come in my room at night for me to take his temperature while I'm nude? No. No, I don't. Perhaps that's just me, but I don't relish the idea.

Why is it that someone I've never spoken to wants to know what I do to entertain myself when I'm "naked and alone" or when "no one is looking?" What does that have to do with what another person can do to keep me entertained? It's fucking creepy to ask someone that...someone you've never spoken to before in your life. You really honestly can't start out with a fucking comment on any of the shit I took the time to put in my profile? It has to be something I do when I'm naked? Fuckstick. He kept on with the conversation saying "..if I knew what was close to you then I would have something to entertain you with."

WHY WOULD I GET CLOSE TO SOMEONE WHO CAN'T EVEN SAY A FUCKING HELLO BEFORE ASKING WHAT I DO WHEN I'M NUDE??????????????????????

I explained that it wasn't kosher to ask a woman what she does when she's naked before so much a introducing yourself. His response was to call me bittter, batshit crazy, angry, without a sense of humor, and said it was pretty obvious why I'm single.

Yeah...I know why, too. Because of dudes like you... Dudes who think it's okay to be absolute creepazoids and when you're called out on it, you resort to calling a woman crazy. Dudes who use the terms "bitter," "angry," and "crazy" to describe EVERY single woman who doesn't agree with them. Dudes who go back after a woman gets offended and says "hey, babe, it was a joke. get a sense of humor."

It is so fucking tiresome hearing that same bullshit.

That's exactly why I'm single.

This is the first time in my entire life that someone has asked me if I would be their little... wait, what?

The worst part?  He thinks he "blew it" because of autocorrect but not because of the actual message.  Yeah, because the TYPO is what was wrong with what he said to me.  Seriously, Fuckstick?  Seriously?

Honestly, some days you think you've heard it all and it can't get worse.  But then it's like... someone finds a new twist on an old insult and it is enraging all over again, and that is how I feel about Joe and his first message.

The best part was his profile, as he is apparently "educated" and the rest basically writes itself.  This might be the dumbest profile I've ever seen.  Seriously.