DoucheArt

My Driver's License should have a color wheel.  In the past 10 years I've been almost every shade of brown and red, and I've even been blonde.  That being said, I have a couple of different photos of myself on my dating profile and they all have a different hair cut or color.  Clearly this guy didn't know what to make of that so he tried to cover all of the bases.

I guess maybe I should give him a little credit, he did try to be inclusive of all my hair colors.  What would have been even better is if he would have tried having a conversation with me.  Maybe we could have done something like he talked about on his profile....

"A good lunch followed by couple drinks and good conversation. Finding out there are plenty of things to talk about due to similar opinion and interests. Also if you don't approve of medicinal marijuana then you are either so brain washed or so stupid that I cant talk to you. Any doctor that prescribes opiate pain medication before exploring if marijuana would work first should have their medical license permanently taken away."

Instead, I get this weird first message.  And did I mention that he kinda looks like a drug user?  I'm down with P.O.T but this guy kind of looked like he might dabble in meth or something.  Maybe I'm just being a judgmental asshole against weird-looking skinny dudes.

I didn't respond for a few days, but then decided that when in doubt, honesty is the best policy and I responded with the most honest answer I could:

It is 2014, people.

If you were to look around you, it might not seem like it especially if you have a vagina or identify as a woman, but it’s true. It’s 2014, but we still have “news” anchors who refer to females in combat as “boobs on the ground.”

Let me provide some background on this story for those who aren’t privy to it already. Earlier this week, Major Mariam Al Mansouri became the first female pilot of the United Arab Emirates to command an airstrike against Isis. That’s a huge accomplishment especially for Maj. Al Mansouri and really for women everywhere. It’s not the first time a female pilot has played a major role in the military. In fact, at least for the United States, female bomber pilots date back to WWII and in 1944, the U.S. Army Air Forces Commander went on record to state that women can fly as well as men.

Yet here we are in 2014 with Fox News anchors, Eric Bolling and Greg Gutfeld, making statements such as “problem is, after she bombed it, she couldn’t park it…” and “would that be considered boobs on the ground, or no?”

Both have since half-heartedly apologized for such statements but those really amount to nothing especially since Bolling admitted he was apologizing because it angered his wife.

Let me be the possibly millionth person to point out that earlier in the segment both men were discussing, heatedly, the fact that President Obama saluted an armed services member with a coffee cup in his hand. The biggest scandal this week is that our President, a known human being, forgot to switch his coffee cup into his other hand and saluted, awkwardly, with the fucking thing. And in doing so, he ignited so much conservative ire that these same two men were shouting into the camera about how these people put their lives on the line for their country and should be shown a little respect.

Let that sink in…

People in armed services should be shown a little respect and not be saluted, unintentionally, with a coffee cup in hand (but it was fine and dandy for President Bush to do so with a dog in his hand, let me add) but it is perfectly fine to then make fun of a female officer’s accomplishments by joking that she cannot park her jet and referring to her as boobs on the ground.

Apparently respect only extends to those individuals who aren’t women. Fuck the so-called fairer sex. Fuck us. When it comes to putting our lives on the line, it’s a big goddamn joke. Don’t let the President salute a man with a coffee cup in hand, but let’s make a big fucking mockery of a huge accomplishment by a female officer. Turn something remarkable and quite serious given Fox News’ apparent fear of ISIS into a laugh riot at her expense.

We don’t need feminism though. It’s time for women to realize that being a feminist isn’t going to get us the men we want. We’re creating this ‘war on women” all in our pretty little heads. We got what we wanted and now we’re just power hungry. We’re manhaters. It’s about hate not equality. Right??? Right?

I’ll believe that feminism isn’t necessary when in the same program, two asshats like Eric Bolling and Greg Gutfield aren’t screaming for respect for our troops then completely degrading a female officer. I’ll stop being a self-identified feminist when anchors on this same station stop blaming women for being raped. I’ll stop when they stop claiming that women don’t really want pay equality.

I’ll stop when I no longer get messages from men who tell me that it all evens out anyway because we can flash our tits and get a free drink whenever we want… When people no longer feel it necessary to send the types of messages I use to make DoucheArt… When men can get custody of their children instead of judges telling them that a child being with a “shitty” mother is better than being with their father… When it’s not a woman’s fault if her nude photos are leaked… When the pay gap closes for ALL women especially WOC who face a larger gap than their White counterparts… When being of child-bearing age is no longer a reason why we didn’t get the fucking job…

When there’s no longer a need for feminism, I’ll be the first to shed the label.

I pinky swear.

So, I  know what this message is referring to. I'm not exactly sure what it means as a standalone first message unless it's just a ploy to get me to respond....but why? Why would I respond to that? Either way, I think at this point, it's officially safe to say that dating sites are completely fucking broken. Anyone want to venture a guess at what this message is all about? I'm done.

--j

I can understand after having known someone a while with the anticipation building up that some "flirty" pics may be exchanged or even with someone you're into that you haven't seen in some time just to keep things spicy, but to message someone and immediately request that nude photos be swapped is a little bit much.

Jay,

I can promise you that you have nothing under your shirt or in your pants that I haven't seen before in real and in photos many, many, many, many times before. I don't care about seeing it again from someone I have zero attraction to based on a sad ass, no effort dickhole of a message. And no, it certainly wouldn't be funny to find my photos plastered on some bullshit amateur site when you got bored with looking at them and decided to pass along the booty (pun intended). So... go take about 20 more photos of your cock. I'm sure they'll come in handy one day.

love,

j

We here at DoucheArt want to ring in the best holiday of the year by participating in a joint-blogger giveaway hosted by More Than Cheese and Beer. You can check out her original post here.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Several weeks ago, we called out the NFL as DOTW for their role in mishandling domestic violence cases involving league players with Ray Rice’s punching bag session on his now wife Janay Palmer being the most recent example. In that case, Rice was originally given a 2 game suspension which we felt was far less than what was deserved especially given that other players have suffered far harsher punishments for lesser transgressions including pot use—pot, a drug which is slowly becoming legalized or decriminalized across the country. We felt this was just another example of this country’s perpetuation of a culture of violence against women. It’s far too accepted and ignored overall and our cultural mindset often lays blame on the victim instead of the perpetrator.

Since that post, the NFL rightfully felt the public pressure tightening down on the organization with demands for changes in its penal system that would treat domestic violence as the serious crime and problem that it is. In doing so, the NFL decided that on a first offense, a player would be given a 6 game suspension with a second offense earning the perpetrator an indefinite suspension. This, however, did not retroactively apply to the recently punished Rice…all hell broke loose when the elevator video of Rice’s assault of Palmer finally reached the public.

As it should have.

By now, everyone that cares has probably seen that video in all its gritty, nauseating awfulness. It’s not a pretty sight and I’m not going to link to it again here. If you haven’t seen it, feel free to do a quick search. It won’t take you long to find it. It has certainly made its rounds and forever emblazoned perhaps the worst moment of Janay Palmer’s life on history.

I don’t want to have an epic conversation about Ray Rice and Janay Palmer, though. I will say that without a doubt that Rice deserved the indefinite suspension by the NFL he received after the video was seen across the country and to be cut altogether from the Ravens. I will also say that Janay Palmer deciding to still marry Rice after the incident has no effect whatsoever on how we, as a society, should treat the perpetrators of domestic violence. It does not make one single fuck that she stayed. She has a myriad of reasons for doing so just as my mom had hers for staying with my dad despite the violence for more than 17 years. Instead of it being the victim’s responsibility to make sure society responds by braving the odds and leaving (women, statistically are far safer staying than walking away), the conversation should be about the appropriate response REGARDLESS of what the victim does and the appropriate PROACTIVE measures to take to reduce the number of domestic assault cases that are happening in this country and even around the world.

That’s why this week, I chose a diamond. I chose a diamond that actually gave me goosebumps the first time I watched the video of his little speech. Not only is it an important one to have overall and one that women are having constantly, but it comes from a MALE SPORTSCASTER who can actually have a hell of a lot of influence on this kind of conversation. When the majority, a man in this case, participates in the larger conversation, other men are more likely to notice, pay attention, and perhaps rethink previous positions.

I cannot add much to his monologue, so I’m just going to let James Brown speak for himself. Check out the video below and share that motherfucker as much and as often as you can.

I am a human being. I love to be treated with respect like a human being and not like a place to deposit your semen. I love lots of conversation and enjoyment of a person's company before they poke me with their dipstick or their toys. I also love when people realize that initial communication should come with a few fucking boundaries and that people shouldn't just let whatever the hell enters their tiny little brains spill out onto the keyboard. Not interested.

--j, 33, PoF

So, this wasn't sent to me in a message. This statement was actually yelled to me as a truckful of what appeared to be 12 year olds drove by me in a parking lot while I was pushing my grocery cart to my car. It happened not once but twice while they circled around thinking of more clever things to say. The person I was with flipped them off which caused them to yell some obscenities his way, and without thinking, I lifted my middle fingers and screamed "FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!"

Keeping it classy since 1981.

--j

I hate to disappoint everyone who looks forward to the Douche of the Week, but we don't have one this week!

So I've already had a run-in with this guy. You can check out that situation here. It wasn't pretty and he told me I have quite an attitude problem which is obviously why I'm single. Obviously, he's a lying sack of shit all-around and that's why HE'S single...

-j

I. Have. No. Fucking. Clue.

What is this message trying to say? I feel like this is a bad Google translation of a perverted comment about oral perhaps without sex or without me being his sister. I'm not sure. All I know is that this is not the way to get anyone's attention.

Any guesses what this might mean??

-j

One of the most idiotic “news” stories I read this week, and there have been many, is the insistence by Fox News consultant Keith Ablow that Michelle Obama is too fat to promote health.

That’s right. A man who admits to needing to lose 5 lbs (hahahaha) has taken it upon himself to go on record as saying that the First Lady is a hypocrite for promoting health for kids because of her “apparent” weight control issues.

First of all, let’s set the record straight. Michelle Obama is, in no way, fat. She may not be model-
thin, but she is not, as far as my research goes, outside of a healthy weight range for her height especially given the amount of muscle tone she has. She is not even close to the flabby, pasty white dough-boy that is Keith Ablow. Given that he defended his attempted fat-shaming of Mrs. Obama by saying that she’s a hypocrite by promoting health, he surely looks like a much bigger hypocrite himself with that spare tire he’s carrying above his Chinos.

But, the bigger issue here is the ever-constant focus on appearance and the objectification of women. Women in science, professors, authors, politicians, potential candidates-all the people who are in positions in which physical appearance is not an aspect of their career—all have to deal with this sort of commentary. Female scientists with videos on youtube have to constantly deal with sexualized comments. And why? It’s not the same on channels like VSauce where men take on science. If you want to criticize a woman like Keith Ablow did this week on Fox, why start with her appearance? If he really wanted to take a shot at Michelle Obama, I’m sure there are plenty of other ways he could have gone about it. Journalism these days often consists of biased finger-pointing instead of actual news, so it’s not like the FLOTUS has been flying under anyone’s radar. But, fat? Really?? This is what we’ve resorted to as news? The problem is this inherent attitude by everyone, men and women alike, that women have to, for some reason, be pleasing to the eye. We’re supposed to be pretty or at least try to be pretty. If we’re in any sort of spotlight even if it’s not even of our own volition (her husband ran for office not her), the expectation is that we HAVE to meet the standards of beauty set forth by the norms of current society. Why? Why do women owe it to anyone to be beautiful? Why can’t we exist in the world as human beings without the requirement that we make ourselves “presentable?”

On top of that, without this douchebag being in touch with Michelle Obama’s physician and having personal insight into her medical history, he has no way to know if she is healthy or not just because he thinks she can lose a few pounds. The idea that you can look at someone and tell how healthy they are or are not is so fucking asinine it makes me want to scream. There are plenty of thin women who are far unhealthier than their curvy, fat, chunky, *insert whatever term you use here* counterparts.

YOU CANNOT TELL HEALTH BY LOOKING AT PHOTOS OF SOMEONE, YOU FUCKING IDIOTIC LUNATIC.

And one last question, if she weighed 500 lbs and decided to promote healthy eating, would she actually be a hypocrite? As long as she attempts to make healthier choices than processed, high sugary foods, doesn’t that eliminate any slight possibility that she’s a hypocrite? Unless we see photo after photo of her shoving Zebra cakes into her mouth, I think she’s good. See, as the first lady, she is under obligation to do anything at all whatsoever. She didn't sign up for the job as a politician; her husband did. She may be his wife, but that title does not come with the obligation to do any sort of political duties or care about the way things go. At all. We might not have a very positive image of her if that's the way she chose to approach it, but that's just the way it is. But, at least, she does choose to do something. At least, in a time when 1 in 7 families depends on food banks to make it through, she is ensuring that kids are at least eating healthy for the 1 or 2 meals a day they are guaranteed to get which is far more than I can say for Keith Ablow.

So, “Dr.” Ablow, I think you really shoved one of your fat, swollen feet into your mouth this time all the way up to your cankles. The best thing for you to do is get off FoxNews where you consider commentary on women’s appearances to be important journalism. We’re tired of the constant stream of blatant bigotry and idiocy coming out of your mouth. Get the fuck over yourself already.

This wasn't the first message I received from this guy. He started out by asking how a man is supposed to entertain a lady without knowing what entertains that lady. I responded. I have no idea why, but I did. And I regretted it almost immediately. I told him I give out plenty of information in my profile about myself, my goals, and all sorts of things that I find entertaining that would lead to some sort of real conversation. His response was that he wanted to know "better" things that are "closer" and "not for general purpose."

Red flag, right?

I told him to please stop skirting the issue and say what he meant instead of the cryptic generalities. He sent the above message. I didn't respond. It was 1 a.m. and I had sent my message about not tiptoeing around what he really meant just before I got in bed for the night. Less than 10 minutes later he sent another message (that I didn't get until the next day) demanding to know why I couldn't give him an answer.

So, let me get this straight, dude. You want to know private information about me despite the fact that my profile is leaps and bounds more detailed than yours. You want to know what entertains me when I'm naked and alone in bed (what a fucking assumption). And you want to know it right fucking now.

Great. Another entitled dickhead expecting to get something for nothing. And ASAP.

I wasn't in the best of moods the next day when I saw his demand for a response, so I asked him just what the fuck being alone and naked had to do with entertaining me and also stated that I have a child. In my home. Why would he assume that I sleep in the nude? I mean, if he gets sick at night, do I really want to have him come in my room at night for me to take his temperature while I'm nude? No. No, I don't. Perhaps that's just me, but I don't relish the idea.

Why is it that someone I've never spoken to wants to know what I do to entertain myself when I'm "naked and alone" or when "no one is looking?" What does that have to do with what another person can do to keep me entertained? It's fucking creepy to ask someone that...someone you've never spoken to before in your life. You really honestly can't start out with a fucking comment on any of the shit I took the time to put in my profile? It has to be something I do when I'm naked? Fuckstick. He kept on with the conversation saying "..if I knew what was close to you then I would have something to entertain you with."

WHY WOULD I GET CLOSE TO SOMEONE WHO CAN'T EVEN SAY A FUCKING HELLO BEFORE ASKING WHAT I DO WHEN I'M NUDE??????????????????????

I explained that it wasn't kosher to ask a woman what she does when she's naked before so much a introducing yourself. His response was to call me bittter, batshit crazy, angry, without a sense of humor, and said it was pretty obvious why I'm single.

Yeah...I know why, too. Because of dudes like you... Dudes who think it's okay to be absolute creepazoids and when you're called out on it, you resort to calling a woman crazy. Dudes who use the terms "bitter," "angry," and "crazy" to describe EVERY single woman who doesn't agree with them. Dudes who go back after a woman gets offended and says "hey, babe, it was a joke. get a sense of humor."

It is so fucking tiresome hearing that same bullshit.

That's exactly why I'm single.

This is the first time in my entire life that someone has asked me if I would be their little... wait, what?

The worst part?  He thinks he "blew it" because of autocorrect but not because of the actual message.  Yeah, because the TYPO is what was wrong with what he said to me.  Seriously, Fuckstick?  Seriously?

Honestly, some days you think you've heard it all and it can't get worse.  But then it's like... someone finds a new twist on an old insult and it is enraging all over again, and that is how I feel about Joe and his first message.

The best part was his profile, as he is apparently "educated" and the rest basically writes itself.  This might be the dumbest profile I've ever seen.  Seriously.

This week the news has focused mostly on the tragic suicide of Robin Williams and the police shooting of an unarmed black guy named Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. While douchiness abounds in both those stories, from the many media figures who decided to label Robin Williams a coward to numerous officials, officers, and media persons who have basically been racist, unproductive assholes in terms of the Ferguson/Mike Brown coverage.

So many douches, so little time.

There’s another story this week, though, that garnered a good bit of attention—the abuse and assault of Christy Mack by her ex-boyfriend Jonathan Koppenhaver a.k.a War Machine, a 32 year old, welterweight MMA fighter.

Yep, that's all it said.

"Sext?"

In my profile I say, verbatim, "it seems the vast majority of the male population wishes to domesticate me or screw me. One extreme or the other with nothing in the gray area. It's frustrating." So an offer to sext isn't exactly screwing but without anything else to go on, it surely doesn't fall into the gray area I mention. And, really, that's like walking up to a woman in a bar and saying, "Can you show me your tits and then tell me how you would give me head?"

Would that work in real life? Does it actually work on the Internet?

It doesn't work for me, and honestly, I found it a bit disturbing. If someone walked up to me in person and asked if I'd describe how I'd fuck them without so much as introducing themselves, it would be a total violation. Why can't people see that saying the same shit on the Internet is STILL a violation. I'M STILL A FUCKING PERSON NO MATTER THE FACT THAT I'M SITTING IN FRONT OF MY COMPUTER WHILE YOU SIT AT YOURS. Being online doesn't suddenly change the fact that you should observe the same courtesies and respect that you would pay to a person in real life. I have no doubt that this dude has little respect for women as it is, but I highly doubt he would walk up to a woman in a grocery store and say "fuck?" and expect her to smile a knowing smile, grab his hand, and head over to the men's bathroom with him... So, don't pull that shit online. Ugh. --jenniy

uh...

no, thanks.

But, seriously, I don't think this is implying anything about late night drives on dirt roads. So, can he really think that suggesting that some guy from the sticks can fuck better or differently than anyone else? Because I can tell you right now with 100% confidence, that ain't true.

I've had "country" for most of my life being that I live in a town of 297 people and the surrounding area is still under 20,000. It's all farmland, dirt roads, and rural quietness. And, it all feels the same, dude. The only thing you can guarantee is that it's going to be a lot better if I actually respect the person I'm sleeping with and with an opening line like that, well, chances are slim on that one...

--jenniy

I didn't even answer the first by the time the second message came.

"Dam girl what's up with you"

I don't even know how to translate that.  Is he literally asking me what's up?  Is he trying to ask me why I didn't respond to his first message?  I'm confused either way.

But this is the kind of message you get when you take down your profile picture.  You know... no one called me "girl" when I was one, except the little Chinese lady who owned the restaurant we used to go to as a family when I was a kid.  But she called all of us "girl" or "boy" respectively, and while I haven't seen her in years I'm relatively certain she would STILL call me that today in spite of the fact that I'm 28 years old.   She still calls my brother "boy" and he's like 6'2 and she only comes up to the middle of his chest.
 
My point?  The only person who gets to call me "girl" is a Chinese woman in her 60's who used to send me home with styrofoam containers of Chinese food even though we showed up for the buffet.

And learn how to spell "Damn".  It's a fucking four letter word, dumb ass.  Ugh... nothing locks up my ability to communicate with someone who is an idiot AND can't spell.

Here at DoucheArt, we often get suggestions as to where we might find men because it seems that this online dating thing isn't working out or proving to be successful for either one of us.  In fact, it has been not only suggested but downright recommended (by a man no less) that we experience the freedom of anonymous sex via Craigslist ads.  Perhaps he doesn't really read our blog or he would know that neither one of us is experiencing a shortage of men inviting us to sit on their face, let them come over, or take one in the face.  The fact of the matter is, if we wanted sex with a stranger we could find it doing exactly what we are doing now.  We choose not to.

Quite frankly, I'm amazed that someone could meet someone on Craigslist for anything whether it be a long term relationship or a quickie.  The sheer number of outright weird responses I got trying to sell something not long ago was enough to scare me away from selling anything on Craigslist, much less trying to give something like blow jobs or sex away.

We don't judge here at DoucheArt, but I think I can speak for both of us when I say that Jenniy and I just aren't interested in finding someone on Craigslist.  If you are interested in meeting people using the popular site, however, please be safe because this week's Douche of the Week only proves that Safe Sex really is a necessity, not an option.

Meet 36 year old, married, Oklahoma City resident Martin Kraham.  Kraham has been posting ads on Craigslist in the Personals Section looking for men, women, couples, transsexuals, and crossdressers in both Oklahoma and Colorado since 2008.  According to reports, investigators have gathered information showing that Kraham has posted 695 personals ads seeking sex on the site in the last six and a half years.  Martin Kraham is also HIV+. and has been aware of it since 2007.  His former partners, however, are only becoming aware of it now.

 While reports have yet to fully detail the exact nature of the relationships Kraham was having with the women who have reported him to authorities (not that it matters, but I would be interested to know if this was risky sexual behavior on both sides, or if the women Kraham was meeting believed they were meeting someone who was interested in a relationship), they all sound the same for the most part: They met him on Craigslist.  They initially used condoms until he asked to go without.  Kraham told them he was clean and got tested regularly.  They took his word for it.  They later found out that he was, in fact, HIV positive.

While the women who have come forward have not tested positive for the virus, it is impossible to know how many people have been exposed by Kraham.  One victim suggested that she knew of 6 people who had sexual contact with Kraham, but suspected it could perhaps be hundreds, maybe even hundreds per year.  Kraham was arrested this week and faces two counts each of Knowingly Engaging in Conduct Likely to Transfer HIV and Using Access to Computers to Violate Oklahoma State Statute.

It pains me to know that there are people like this in the world.  People who do things like this to other people, and for what?  But most importantly, why?

Not that it would make a damn bit of difference to me, but I'd like to know what Mr. Kraham's reasons are for doing such a thing.  Perhaps he struggled to deal with his own diagnosis, but that is no excuse for exposing hundreds of other people.  Clearly, he acknowledged the seriousness of his HIV+ status as his wife claims to have known about it all along.

Speaking of Kraham's wife...she is standing by him because she claims he was honest with her about his HIV+ status from the very beginning of their relationship.  They have been married for more than a year, and dated for five years before getting married.  In other words, while Kraham was honest with the woman who became his wife about his HIV+ status, he's been soliciting anonymous sex online for their entire relationship.  I can't help but wonder what kind of fucked up person stays with someone and says they'll be fighting criminal charges and civil suits side by side with their husband who did what Martin Kraham did.

While Martin Kraham is a scumbag, piece of shit liar, he is not the only responsible party.  Every person he hooked up with made the decision to have unprotected sex with someone they met on the internet based solely on their words.  Anyone can claim to be disease free, but there isn't really any way of knowing without having a monogamous relationship for over 90 days and getting tested together before having unprotected sex.  That's the reality.  I'm not blaming the victims, however... there were two responsible parties involved (or more, for that matter) that made the irresponsible decision to go bareback.

Kraham might be the devil.  It is impossible to say how many lives he has negatively impacted, possibly ruined either from actually transmitting the virus to them or just giving them the scare of their life.  The fact of the matter is that there is still not cure for HIV or AIDS.  While there are 31 different kinds of antiretroviral treatments, in 2012 the cost for those treatments was between $2,000-5,000 PER MONTH.

It is impossible to say how many people Kraham engaged in risky sexual behavior with who later went on to engage in more risky sexual behavior with others.  While Kraham's behavior is disgusting, appalling and downright terrifying, what is even more frightening to me is just how many people willingly agreed to have risky sex with a stranger.  Again, I'm not trying to blame the victims, but I can't help but think that we should have reached a point in our world where we know about things like STDs, STIs, crotch critters, and HIV.  The information is out there and so is the preventative.



We're hooking this post up for Sunday Confessions @ More Than Cheese and Beer.  Stop by and check out the other great posts today.

Troy sent me a message at approximately 10:30 last night. He let me know that he thinks I am sexy and would like to get to know me. An hour or so later, without me having checked or read the message, he messaged me again with "guess ur abot dat cashflow."

Well excuse the fuck out of me for having a life outside checking Plenty of Fish, Troy. Excuse me for being in the last two weeks of class and having 2 essays and a 10 page paper to write. Excuse me for having letters to write, blogs to post, a child to care for, animals to care for including an injured one, a house to clean, and chores that need to be done. Excuse me for not giving a shit that some methhead in the middle of bumfuck nowhere messaged me while I was in the midst of a state of mental stress after having seen my rapist ON FACEBOOK.

I know you may be thinking that there's no way that good ol' Troy could possibly have known those personal details about me. I concede he couldn't have possibly known the latter. But, my profile does detail the fact that I am extremely busy. I list that I have classes, a kid, animals, 2 acres of land, letters, blogs, and am working on my novel. I make it clear that I stay incredibly busy. But, Troy likely didn't read that.

Or maybe he did.

Either way, Troy expected me to drop everything in my life to return his message because I should have, I suppose, been grateful that he bothered to send me one. And that, unfortunately, is a common theme on these sites. It may not be the overtly sexual messages that we typically post, but it certainly qualifies Troy as a douche especially since he didn't bother asking if I was too busy at the moment to talk, he made an assumption that characterized me as something that places the blame on me and makes me some sort of superficial asshat.

If you don't owe me respect, I do not, in any way, owe you a fucking response. In fact, I don't owe anyone besides my self and my child anything at all. --j

Somehow I don't think the "something" he mentions here has anything to do with candy... I'm most definitely sure the offer is only for *his* white cock.

Yes, he went there.

I should clarify that the person who received this message is Latina which makes it doubly offensive (to me anyway). I've received similar messages myself from people outside my race. Personally, I have never turned someone down because of their race or nationality,but what I don't do is date people who make everything about race. If you have to offer someone outside your race your *white* cock then maybe you think it's something a bit more special than it actually is. I've seen plenty of cocks in a rainbow of shades and I can say without a doubt that white skin doesn't make it extra special. I would assume that same sentiment is likely true for women of all races and ethnicities (though it's not my place to say with 100% certainty). In my own personal experience, I've chosen who I've slept with or who I've dated because of *who* they are not what color they are...

So, if this shithead really wants to get vulgar, I can dish that right back by letting him know that once his "cock" is in there, it's going to feel the same no matter what color the fucking thing is. --j

It was the slap heard by Country Music Fans everywhere.  

I am of course talking about Tim McGraw "bitch slapping" fan Jesslyn Taylor at a concert in Atlanta early in July.  I'm bringing it up now because video has been released.  



If you haven't heard the story yet... basically, Tim was performing at a venue in Atlanta when he went down on a lower level to high five fans in the front row.  This is where the details get muddled... but original reports stated that a fan was slapping his butt, grabbing at his groin and eventually ripped his already torn jeans before he turned around and slapped her.  The woman was removed by security and Atlanta Police opted not to pursue the matter as they found his reaction "reasonable".

So, who is the douche... Mr. McGraw or Jesslyn Taylor?

What I'm going to say is going to sound pretty Stephen Smith-esque; when I first heard the story the version I heard was that the fan (Jesslyn) had reached up and grabbed him in the crotch and while I did not agree with the fact that he hit her, I felt that Tim McGraw deserves to live free of sexual assault as much as anyone else and so I was on "his side".

When I heard she was pursuing a settlement and legal action based on the ground of being assaulted, I rolled my eyes a little.  Then I saw the film of the slap.

Is this a euphemism? Do people stop to think about how the word "shit" will actually be interpreted by the person who receives the message? I have no words for this "shit." In fact, all I want to say is the moral of this story is to never use MeowChat. --jenniy

This was a submission from one of our faithful readers.  We're going to call her Hot Dee... and I suspect she's going to have a lot of submissions for us in the near future.  Plus... I LOVE how she isn't taking crap from these guys!

I'm honestly still trying to decipher the first message from Pete....  I'm not sure what he is trying to say.  "I have ALL those".... maybe Hot Dee has a list of dating qualifications?  Maybe he means he wants a "lil" of something Hot Dee's got?  I have no idea.

The best part?  He acknowledges that his message was bad, gives a half-assed apology and then comes back "just looking for a piece of ass".  I don't know why looking for a piece of ass means you shouldn't put some effort into it... at the very least use some punctuation, fuckstick.  Why the hell do people think that just because you're looking for a hook up you shouldn't come off as at least reasonably intelligent?

Maybe I'm an asshole, but if you can't put even a little effort into your shitty ass line I'm not going to see what kind of lame ass attempt you put into your bedroom performance.  I get it... being able to form a sentence and "perform" are two different things, but I can't help but think if you can't put a little effort into getting my clothes off, I doubt you're going to put effort into getting ME off and that is all there is to it.

Hot Dee ended the conversation with "Wrong page, but good luck."  I think I'm going to make that my trademark response.

Normally, bad grammar tends to irk me. It's not that it incites rage or ire. It's just a pet peeve. If I had received this message my first thought upon reading the first part is that maybe the guy's not so bad if he warns about his faults/flaws/mistakes ahead of time. I know some very intelligent people who are shit with spelling, so it's something that can be overlooked.

But then...oh god then...

What he should have warned about in the beginning is that he's bad with respecting women and that he prowls dating sites looking for women to bust a nut to since he's watched so much porn he can't even get it up anymore unless he's watching videos of women going to the bathroom who don't know they're being filmed.

What he should have warned about is that he's a fucking douchenozzle with some serious issues. Maybe just maybe if he stopped beating off long enough and took a few basic spelling and grammar lessons, he might actually only have to warn about the perversion. At least he would have that going for him...

--jenniy

This one and many of our submissions comes from World's Worst Feminist. Check out her blog! We love her!

Listen, *you're a fucking idiot if you think that blatantly stating you perceive the girl you're messaging to be fat and proudly proclaiming to be "into fat women" is going to get you anywhere. Perhaps she self-identifies as fat, maybe she has body image issues, maybe she is suffering from a medical disorder that makes her carry weight, maybe you're one of those douchecanoes who thinks a girl is fat if she's above a size 4. I dunno. But neither do you which is the point to all this. So, you're already in douche territory with the first line of the message.

But then to think that just because you say you're "into fat women" gives you the right to then ask this person to sit on your face without so much as a fucking greeting or exchange of pleasantries is the kind of douchebaggery that really infuriates me. Just because you see something you like does not make her obligated to hear out all your filthy fantasies and desires about her. Would you have the balls to actually walk up and say this to some woman you see at a bar? Don't you think that would qualify as harassment and likely get you thrown out of said bar? Keep that shit to yourself unless you have consent. Until then, you're nothing more than a sad little exhibitionist flashing his flaccid wee-wee at whoever he can trick into taking a look.

--jenniy