Thursday, June 5, 2014
This is the new thing to ask people apparently. I mean, who gives a fuck what your name is, what you do for a living, what your hobbies are, or what you're looking for in a relationship/casual fling???? All we need to ask people from now on is a horribly disfigured interrogatory about how wet their pussy gets. I'm sure that will be confusing when I start asking this to all the guys on Plenty of Fish. --jenniy
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
This one was shared via Instagram (we always get permission before using a message like this). I really feel like I have to tell you that the girl who received this message is not a blow-up doll. I know that might be hard to believe given the content of the message. There's nothing really in it for her. The guy who send it just wants his dick sucked, to get laid, and to jizz all in her face. There's not one single mention of any reciprocation at all whatsoever. Oh yeah...that's totally hot. Really. Being used a plastic pocket vagina, a fleshlight with a face to cum on always gets us womenfolk turned right the fuck on.
No one is going to scream for more, dude. I promise you. And given that you really didn't ask if this person was interested in hearing the things you want to do to her, I'd guarantee that somewhere along the line, a girl you were shoving "it" inside was screaming for you to stop.
I hope someone takes you up on this offer sometime and bites your dick off. --jenniy
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
After this guy told the girl he messaged that he felt like jacking off to her pics, he proceeded to compliment her looks even more. So, not only did he let her know that pictures of her (and not nude or risque ones) gave him a boner, he proceeded to let her know exactly what it was that was getting him off while he typed one-handed. What a fucking creep.
To me, it's a bit complimentary that someone gets turned on looking at photos of you UNLESS THAT SOMEONE IS A FUCKING STRANGER JERKING OFF TO PICTURES OF YOUR FACE. In the latter scenario, the guy is just saying that he's tried everything else under the sun to get off, can no longer get a thrill out of most of it, and now feels the need to peruse dating sites so he can whip his dick out and tell women about it knowing there is nothing they can do about it. It's tantamount to sexual assault honestly. If there was a way he could send photos of his pathetic little dick on the site, you can bet your ass he would have. This is what it's like to be a woman on the Internet. Yay. --jenniy
*BARF* That's it. That's all I have. Honestly, seeing the things men in my community post on Craigslist makes my inner sexual being curl up in a fetal position and cry. Also, for people who have started calling me a crazy cat lady.... umm, can you blame me?
Monday, June 2, 2014
Sure, it's not creepy to all to know that you were looking up women in an area that you are just passing through to randomly hookup with. That's not creepy at all... I totally feel safe in the comfort of a stranger looking to get a piece of ass in a small, sleepy town he's just passing through on his way to possibly bleach her bones and turn them into artwork and sell her organs on the black market... Okay, maybe it's not really that bad, but who in the hell feels comfortable talking to a person not and then giving them an address to meet up and fuck later? Since when is this even attractive? Am I the only person left on the face of the planet that likes to actually be just as turned on by who a person is and not just the fact that they have a functional dick?
Also, I have to point this out. In the message-me-if portion of my profile on OkCupid, I say "if you know the difference between "your" and you're..." So, his message actually read "I'm driving through "your" area this afternoon, and since "you're" smoking hott, I though I'd see if you want to have a random hookup?"
So, he felt the need to point out his basic concept of grammar while also failing to realize that hot only has one "t" and he should have said *thought instead of "though." Good going there, buddy. If you use condoms like you use grammar, you're a walking infestation. --jenniy
I'd just like to take a moment to point out that Wisconsin has been home to a couple of the most notorious serial killers ever. In fact, Ed Gein was born in my hometown. If you don't know Ed Gein, "his case influenced the creation of several fictional killers, including Norman Bates of the movie and novel Psycho and its sequels, Leatherface of the movie The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Jame Gumb (Buffalo Bill) of the novel The Silence of the Lambs, Ezra Cobb of the movie Deranged, Bloody Face of the TV series American Horror Story: Asylum and Eddie Gluskin of the video game Outlast" (per Wikipedia). I've actually been to the cemetery where his family (and, allegedly, Ed himself) are buried, and been on the road outside the Plainfield, WI Gein Family Farm site.
While this man might just be in need of a friend, a real woman to help him with whatever it is that he is trying to do, I'm very nervous about the repeated assurances "I'm safe to be around" and combined with "You will be in control"...it just makes me nervous. Sorry, dear, but I won't be painting your nails.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
His real username was Skizzle. I figured that must be Snoop Dogg for "Skeezy". I'm sure it was just a joke, but anyone who is actually trying to meet someone with a headline like that is best to just be avoided, fo' shizzle.
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